Why was it, when men were about to be confronted with their enemies and they were afraid for their lives, they’d put their livestock in front of them, then their children and their wives/concubines, and then themselves?  This seems like a very cowardly act to me, and I’ve pondered it quite a while now.

Could it have been that they were showing the enemy just how much they had, or was it that they were simply afraid, and they were willing to sacrifice what was in front of them instead of being brave and defending their family and their livestock?

I also think it was horrible when different men would have other men they were scared of knocking at their door and demanding they send out certain men/visitors, and the man inside would say, “I’ve got this virgin daughter, or I’ve got my wife or concubine in here; let me send them out, but leave these men alone.” WOW. What in the world were they thinking?

Sincerely,
Women And Children First

Dear Women And Children First,

The women and children went first as a sign of subservience and a reminder of the fact that these men had families to care for – that is why Jacob did it. The story you indicated occurs in Genesis chapter 32 and 33. Jacob’s brother, Esau, had been bitterly angry with him ever since Jacob got Esau’s birthright and blessing from their father, Isaac (Gen 27:36). Esau had attempted to kill Jacob when they were younger (Gen 27:42). It had been decades since the two brothers last saw each other, but Jacob still feared his brother’s wrath (Gen 32:11). Jacob sent livestock ahead as gifts to his brother (Gen 32:13-18). He then sent his wives and children, Esau’s nieces and nephews (Gen 33:1-2). Jacob went last in order to show his humility and lowliness. It was an act of peace, not a defensive war-time tactic.

In the case of men offering their daughters and concubines up for rape… that just shows the degradation of their character. In both cases where that happened (Sodom – Gen 19:8 and Gibeah – Judg 19:24), the societies were so utterly immoral that they were destroyed not long after. Sodom was destroyed directly by God (Gen 19:24), and Gibeah was destroyed by Israel (Judg 20:43). Both of those societies were condemned by man and God for their degenerate evil ways. The Bible records the history of these societies, but that doesn’t mean it condones them.

Luke 24:1-12 is the story about the women finding the empty tomb of Jesus. The Scripture identifies the women as Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James.

Women were the first ones to discover that Jesus had risen.  I was wondering how this speaks to the value of women in God’s eyes and within Christianity. Also, even though the women did discover this first, it didn’t seem important until Peter came and discovered that Jesus was gone.

Sincerely,
Femininely Focused

Dear Femininely Focused,

Women are given great value within the Scriptures – exactly the same value as men. Indeed, it was women that first found the empty tomb (Lk 24:1-2). Entire books are written about faithful women (Book of Ruth & Book of Esther). Several women are listed in Hebrews chapter 11, the ‘hall of faith’ chapter (Heb 11:11, Heb 11:23, Heb 11:31). The fact that the news of Christ’s empty tomb didn’t begin to spread until His apostles began spreading the word of it, doesn’t make the tender act of the women bringing spices to His grave any less meaningful. His apostles’ report of an empty tomb would have carried more weight than anyone else’s.

The Bible is clear that men and women have different roles within the church. Men are to lead the congregation as elders and deacons (1 Tim 3:2, 1 Tim 3:12). Women are to teach in more private settings and by their godly demeanors (Tit 2:3, 1 Tim 2:9-10). Husbands are to lead their families in sacrificial Christ-like love (Eph 5:25), and wives are to bind together their families by their respect for their husbands and love for their children (Tit 2:4, Eph 5:24). Yet, in all these differences, God makes it clear that neither male nor female is greater than the other (1 Cor 11:11-12). They are equals and joint-heirs of salvation in Christ (1 Pet 3:7).

I am a christian woman whose husband left in January.  At that time, we were not living as christians.  Since then, I have committed to the Lord.  My husband was gone for four months and started an affair and lived with another woman.  He asked me to reconcile and forgive him, and he has repented to God.  He is in church now.  Do I still have a biblical right for a divorce because I am having great difficulty in this marriage now, or am I obligated because of his repentance?

Sincerely,
Heart Sick

Dear Heart Sick,

Divorce is always a horrible thing, but yes – you have a right to divorce him because of his adultery. The Bible is clear that God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). God intends for a man and a woman to remain together for a lifetime (Mk 10:7-9). However, God has made provision for a situation soiled by adultery. In the case of adultery, a husband or wife has the right to divorce their spouse (Matt 19:9). It is a painful decision to make, but yes, you do have the option. You will have to prayerfully weigh whether or not to use it.

I have been having an urge to read my Bible lately, but when I sit down to actually do so, it’s so intimidating.  I don’t know where to start, and I can think of at least five things that I want to look at.  Please help!

Sincerely,
Study Stress

Dear Study Stress,

The key to any kind of worship or Bible study is to make it a regular habit. Daniel had a habit of praying (Dan 6:10). Make a decision to put Bible study into your day first (Matt 6:33) and schedule other things around it. Most people fail to study their Bibles because it isn’t a part of their regular life. Make it a part of your morning routine, your lunch break, or bedtime ritual. Somehow schedule it into your life and make it a habit.

After you do that, it is just a matter of what you want to learn first. Many people read a Psalm a day, a chapter of Proverbs each week, or use a ‘read the Bible in a year program’, or you grab one of those five things you want to look at and read away. Any of these is a perfectly acceptable system. In fact, you can buy Bibles that are organized, so that you read a little of the Old Testament and a little of the New Testament every day. For new Bible students, I often recommend reading the gospel of Matthew or the gospel of John first, so that you become acquainted with Christ’s life; then follow that up with the book of Acts and familiarize yourself with the first century church.

The goal is to study your Bible, not just read it. God tells us to study to show ourselves approved (2 Tim 2:15) and to meditate upon God’s Word (Ps 119:15). You could read through an entire book of the Bible in an hour or so but fail to appreciate any of it. Read your Bible with a notepad beside you and a pen or highlighter in hand. Write down your questions and get them answered. Highlight meaningful verses. If you don’t understand something, don’t move on until you do. It is more important that you understand than that you read a large portion of text. And lastly, enjoy your Bible reading time; you are reading the most influential and meaningful book on the planet!

I have recently moved from one state to another.  I am a member of Grace Baptist Church (which is an independent fundamental Bible-believing Baptist church).  I am looking for a new church in my new area and want to ask the right questions of the pastor, so I am sure to find the right church.  Any ideas?

Signed,
Searching for God’s church

Dear Searching for God’s church,

We answered a question similar to this one entitled Finding A Church, but let me add some more details that will be useful when talking to any preacher or elder. Here are some important questions to ask the church leadership:

1. What do I need to do to be saved? The Bible teaches that you need to hear God’s Word (Rom 10:17), believe (Jhn 3:16), repent of your sins (Acts 3:19), confess Christ as Savior (Matt 10:32-33), and be baptized to have your sins forgiven (Acts 2:38, Mk 16:16, 1 Pet 3:21)… only then are you a christian. Any congregation you attend needs to teach these things.
2. Do you believe there is only one church? Jesus taught that there was only one church He paid for with His blood (Acts 20:28). Paul taught the singularity of the church and the need for unity amongst God’s people (Eph 4:3-6). He also warned against denominationalism and people who would warp God’s Word (Gal 1:6-8).
3. Where do you get the authority for your congregation’s practices? God’s church requires Bible authority for every decision they make. They shouldn’t add to God’s Word by doing things God doesn’t talk about or take away from God’s Word by ignoring any commandments He has made (Rev 22:18-19). Everything a congregation of God’s people does should have book, chapter, and verse behind it.
4. Are you born in sin? The false teaching of ‘original sin’ is very common in today’s society. If a congregation teaches that you are born in sin, they are false teachers. Sin is a choice we make in life (Isa 7:15-16), and all humans are born upright and good (Eccl 7:29).

After answering those four questions, you will very quickly be able to see their attitude towards the Bible and whether they are a God’s church or man’s.

My pastor preaches that we are predestined (Eph 1:5). If this is true, then what is the point of serving God? For example, there is a Heaven and a Hell. God knows all of us; our goods, our bads, our evil intents, and our godly works. He knows our hearts, our minds, and our souls.  The Bible says that God knows each hair on our head. So why try to win a race that God has chosen for us to win or lose, knowing that no matter how hard we try, we are not going to get the prize?

What do I mean? I have four kids, three girls and one boy. I have my kids run a foot race. My youngest daughter wins the race, but my son comes in last. I announce that the loser gets the prize. I have another race; my son comes in first. This time, I announce that the prize is given to the first place winner. I have a third race, and my son comes in third; I announce that the prize goes to the third place winner. After a while, the others catch on to the scheme that no matter what place they come in, it was predetermined and predestined for my son to win.

My wife is abusive, and my pastor tells me that I should “go through it for God”
and that Jesus took it so “who am I to not go through it?”.

I am an inch away from giving up on religion all together. Am I missing something?

Sincerely,
Deciding My Own Destiny

Dear Deciding My Own Destiny,

Yes, you are missing something – the Truth. Your pastor is wrong. The doctrine of ‘specific predestination’ is a man-made idea. If God specifically chooses certain people to be saved, then Jesus didn’t really die for everyone… but the Bible says He did (Jhn 3:16-17). It also means that God punishes people for things they have no control over… but the Bible says you have a choice (Josh 24:15). It also would mean that God doesn’t want everyone to be saved… but the Bible says He does (Ezek 18:23).

It is true that God predestined something before He created the universe. He predestined how people would be saved – in Christ (Eph 1:5). God planned, before He made anything, that all of mankind would be saved in Christ (Jhn 14:6). God chose how you would be saved; you must choose whether you will accept His salvation. The doctrine of predestination is a man-made lie that robs people of their hope, their freewill service to God, and the truth. If God decided specifically who was going to be saved before He ever created the world, then what is the point of Him commanding us to follow His Word (Jhn 15:14)? He commands us to follow because He wants us to choose to follow.

I’m very sorry to hear of your marital problems. Without knowing the specifics, I cannot give you any particular advice, but I can say that I wouldn’t trust advice from a religious leader who teaches false doctrine. Don’t give up on religion; give up on false religion. For an overview of what to look for in a faithful church, see this previous post.

Feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like help finding a faithful congregation in your area.