I lost a friend who is not a Christian.  I know they weren’t saved and they won’t be in heaven, but is there anything the Bible says that can bring any comfort?

Sincerely,
Grieving The Lost

Dear Grieving The Lost,

The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is, at times, almost unbearable.  That pain can be amplified when we do not have hope of someday seeing that person in heaven.

God says that He finds no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezek 33:11).  That tells you that God will not send anyone to hell by accident, spite, or malicious intent.  Anyone who ends up in hell really, truly belongs there.  When your friend faces God on the Day of Judgment, God will make the right decision concerning their fate.  There is some comfort in knowing that God will not make any mistakes.

God has a deeper, more complete understanding of eternity than you or I do.  He is completely loving (1 Jn 4:8).  If your friend goes to hell, it will be because the most loving and wise God of all creation knew that was where they chose to be.

My brother-in-law spends much of his free time playing video games in which he controls a character that commits violent, hateful, and deplorable acts.  How do I communicate to him (with patience and grace) that what he’s doing in this ‘fantasy’ world is still wrong?

Sincerely,
Digital Age

Dear Digital Age,

Video games are not necessarily sinful, but anything – including some video games – that causes us to dwell and meditate on sin should be avoided.  We here at AYP agree that video games focusing on murder, theft, fornication, etc. are a very, VERY bad idea… especially considering the potentially addictive nature of many of these games.  God wants us to dwell upon positive things (Php 4:8), not immorality.  As a man thinks in his heart, so he is (Pr 23:7).  If our worldview is guided by our visions of being a drug-dealing pimp (a vision which some video games portray), then that view will effect our lifestyle and attitude.

As for how to address your brother-in-law… that is a trickier issue.  The first thing to do is pray.  Pray for him (1 Jn 5:16).  Pray for wisdom (Jas 1:5).  Only by the grace of God and His Word can we affect the lives of others.  Feel free to show your disdain for these types of games, but make sure to point out why.  Make it clear that you don’t disdain him – but the content of the games.  Otherwise, let the purity of your own example pave the way to making a difference (Matt 5:16).  There is no easy one-size-fits-all answer for how to approach others.  All we can do is make sure to remove sin from our own lives first (Matt 7:3-4), and be prepared to give a defense for the hope that is in us (1 Pet 3:15).

I am a pastor under my father-in-law, and I felt the LORD calling me out to start a work for Him, but my father-in-law does not want to let me go.  I have been ordained as a pastor for four years under him, and I have done all he has asked me to do.  My wife has only been under her father her whole life and does not want to leave him because there are not a lot of people there.  This is a hurting thing because GOD is call me, but my wife will not go, and my father-in-law doesn’t want me to leave.  PLEASE HELP.

Sincerely,
Pastored Pastor

Dear Pastored Pastor,

Your problem is that you are part of a false church.  You say that you “are a pastor under my father-in-law”.  Show us where the Bible gives an example of a pastor (also known as a elder, bishop, or overseer) being under the authority of another pastor!  You are frustrated because when we don’t do things God’s way, we always get frustrated.  We recommend you read “Elders” and “What’s In A Name” to see the importance of God’s criteria for pastors.  Perhaps we are missing something, but there is absolutely no reason we should organize a church differently than God has.  God placed a specific leadership structure in place for congregations: elders/pastors who lead, deacons who serve and help the elders, and the rest of the membership (Php 1:1).  Anything other than that pattern is ungodly.

We often tell the people that write into AskYourPreacher to ask their own church leadership why they do what they do.  Since you ARE the church leadership, we are asking you:

• Where in the Bible can you see this pattern?

We urge you to write back into the site, and we will post your answer to the question verbatim (please keep your answer succinct, just like we do – 250 words or less).  If we are wrong, we would like to be corrected.  We, and our readership, look forward to your response.

I was saved, baptized, and had accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior when I was about twelve or thirteen.  I have been addicted to porn and all kinds of sexual sins and impure thoughts.  I have been praying a lot and asking God for forgiveness of my sins and to cleanse me of my sins.  I am terrified I have lost my salvation and that I’m going to hell.  I have been reading the Bible a lot.  Please help me.

Sincerely,
Off The Path

Dear Off The Path,

You can be forgiven of all sin, no matter how lurid, if you repent.  David is a great example of this.  David slept with a married woman, killed her husband, and lied to cover it all up (2 Sam 11:2-4).  However, David eventually repented and was forgiven (2 Sam 12:13).  The key is that David changed the direction of his life.  David made a distinct effort to overcome his sin and live faithfully.  You must do the same.

At this point, you are probably thinking, “But I have made a distinct effort!  I have tried to live faithfully…”  We understand that you are trying.  We here at AYP want you to succeed.  The problem with sexual sins, pornography especially, is that they are addictive in nature.  Many sins have addictive qualities, but sexual sins are especially noted for being that way.  Chapter five of Proverbs highlights the enticing and alluring nature of the immoral woman and immoral sex.  Pr 5:3-4 points out that this type of sin is enticing, but it always ends with bitterness.  You are tasting that bitterness now.

Your only solution is to flee sin (1 Cor 6:18).  Take whatever steps are necessary to remove yourself from situations that might lead to fornication.  Get rid of your computer or internet connection (if you really need to use the internet, you can always go to the library – a very public access point).  Install ‘accountability software’ like CovenantEyes – which will send a copy of all your internet activity to a trusted friend or advisor.  Make specific plans to ATTACK this sin.  Get help.  Let other trusted individuals know about your problem (Eccl 4:9-10).  Admitting your faults is painful, but this is absolutely worth the sacrifice if it will save your soul – and it will (Matt 5:29-30).  Do not walk away from this sin.  RUN!

What does the Bible say about a pastor who is rumored to have had an affair and is divorced as a result?  Should he still pastor the church?  I can forgive.  I guess my question is: does God want us to stay or find a new church home?

Sincerely,
We All Fall Short

Dear We All Fall Short,

A pastor is the same as an elder (Acts 20:17), a bishop (1 Tim 3:1), and an overseer (‘overseer’ is another translation for the word ‘bishop)… all four titles represent the same job.  A pastor/elder/bishop/overseer has certain qualifications that God says they must meet in order to be appointed.  Those qualifications are laid out in 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9.  One of those qualifications is that the pastor/elder/bishop/overseer needs to be a husband of one wife (Tit 1:6, 1 Tim 3:2).  Literally, ‘husband of one wife’ means ‘a one woman man’.  If a man has had an affair, he has proven that he is not ‘a one woman man’.  It is not a matter of forgiveness (if he repents, you should forgive him {Lk 17:3} ); it is a matter of meeting the criteria set by God.  A man who has had an affair can be a christian, but he is unqualified to be a pastor/elder/bishop/overseer.  It sounds like you may need to find a new church; we recommend reading “Finding A Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to help you in your search for a faithful, Bible-only congregation.

I have been a Christian all my life and just recently (the past six months) I have been questioning God’s existence.  I became exceedingly depressed since now my life has no direction, and I went to whom I thought I could trust (youth pastor and my family).  Both of which excused it as a “phase” – it doesn’t seem like it is now that I’ve been feeling empty for so long.  When everyone else ignored me, I began to read the Bible, a chapter a day.  Nothing helped my faith.  I’ve tried praying to God, asking Him to help me believe in Him since I just don’t have the faith to do this on my own.  Like every other human, I make mistakes all the time.  My question is this: what do I do to find God or help Him find me?  Is there anything that can help my faith?

Sincerely,
Theistically Challenged

Dear Theistically Challenged,

Your question is one of the fundamental questions of life: “Does God Exist?”  It is important that everyone asks this question at some point in their life, and there is no shame in you doing it now.  We disagree with those you have talked to previously; this question is not a phase; it is a basic question that is worthy of an honest answer.

We will try to give you some key evidence that there is a Creator, but we will also point you in the direction of some resources that may help you in your quest for answers.  So here we go:

1. Look at a watch and ask yourself the question, “Is this designed?”  Of course, a watch is designed – just like a house, a car, a camera, and other modern technological marvels.  You know they are designed because they are complex, they have purpose, and they are organized in a meaningful way.  Now look at your eye, your hand, even a single follicle of hair.  Are they designed?  They are infinitely more complex than a watch.  They have very distinct purposes, and they are all organized in a meaningful way.  You were designed by God; you have a Designer.  If you believe in watchmakers, you can believe in God.
2. The most basic laws of science tell us that nothing ever comes from nothing (1^st Law of Thermodynamics).  Einstein made it clear that nothing can be destroyed; energy can turn into matter and matter into energy, but everything that is here has always been here.  That begs the question, “Where did it all come from?”  Scientists all agree that everything we see had to come from somewhere, but the only logical answer to that question is ‘God’.  God, a supernatural deity not bound by the laws of physics, created all that we see and enjoy in this universe.
3. God’s Word is also proof that God is.  The Bible is a book that only God could write.  It has prophecies that are fulfilled hundreds of years after they are spoken.  It has remained unchanged by tradition or persecution for thousands of years.  It makes statements about how our world works hundreds of years before scientists realized the concepts for themselves.  The Bible is a book composed by over forty different writers over thousands of years, and yet it has no contradictions within it.  The Bible could not have been written by anyone but Deity.

These are just three reasons to believe in God; there are many more that space prevents us from mentioning.  We also recommend you go back and read through the posts in our EVIDENCES category.  You will see that you aren’t the only one who has questions about God, and you will also see that there are answers to every question.  We also recommend reading Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel and Has God Spoken? by A.O. Schnabel. Both books are well worth the read.