I have a question about “honor your father and your mother”.  Some parents seem to use this as a weapon when kids are not listening to their parents or misbehaving.  I seem to get different meanings of what this really means.  I do thank you for your time.  God bless!

Sincerely,
Ain’t Misbehavin’

Dear Ain’t Misbehavin’,

Children are told to honor their father and mother at all ages (Eph 6:2-3). The word ‘honor’ means ‘to esteem highly’.  Parents deserve respect and kind treatment from their offspring.  As parents reach old age, children show honor by caring for their parents’ needs (Matt 15:4-6).  Until independent adulthood, honoring your parents is shown through respectful obedience (Eph 6:1).  No Scripture should ever be wielded “as a weapon”, but regardless of how the verse is used, that is what it means.

As a child, I was both molested and raped.  My maternal uncle molested me from the age of four, and the abuse continued until I was fourteen years old.  At the age of nine, I was raped by a sixteen-year-old.  I struggle with the forgiveness of these two every day.  I feel as though the anger, the resentment, and the hurt are holding me back in my life.  How can you forgive those who seemingly show no remorse for their actions and harm against another?

Sincerely,
Hurting

Dear Hurting,

In one sense, you do not need to forgive them if they aren’t repentant.  In another sense, forgiveness is important for you to heal and move forward in your life.  Let us explain what we mean.

Sometimes we use the word ‘forgive’ to mean that a debt is canceled (this is how the word is used in Rom 4:7, Eph 1:7, and many other passages).  This type of forgiveness requires the person to be repentant and remorseful for their bad behavior (1 Jn 1:9, Acts 8:22).  This type of forgiveness is not extended to everyone – but only those who confess their sin and show a desire to change.  From what you have said, this does not apply to your situation.

There is another biblical use for the word ‘forgive’.  Sometimes we use the word ‘forgive’ to mean ‘stop feeling resent and anger toward others’.  This type of forgiveness can be seen in Mk 11:25 and in Jesus’ plea in Lk 23:34.  Holding anger against others (even if deserved) turns into bitterness (Eph 4:31).  This type of grudge and resentment is like drinking  poison and expecting your enemy to be hurt… it never works.  You don’t have to justify the person’s behavior or attitude; you simply need to give yourself the freedom to move on without the burden of their choices.  Heb 10:30 says that vengeance belongs to God – you don’t need to worry about judging these men for their wicked behavior… there is no greater wrath than God’s.

We cannot imagine how much pain you are in, and we know that these few words are much easier said than done, but you are in our prayers as you continue on your journey to freedom from this oppression on your soul.  If we can help you find someone in your area to talk to and give faithful advice, we would be happy to do so (our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org), and of course, you are always welcome to ask us more questions at any time.

When Jesus was speaking with His disciples and predicting His suffering, execution, and resurrection, Peter took Jesus aside and rebuked Him saying, “This shall not happen to You!”  Jesus responded by rebuking Satan when He says, “Get behind Me Satan!”  (Matthew 16:22-23).  So obviously, what Peter said was inspired by Satan.

Then, later on, the Scripture says that Satan entered into Judas; then Judas decided to betray Jesus into the hands of those who wanted to kill Him.  (Luke 22:3 – 5)

My question is this:  Why would Satan try to turn Jesus away from going to the cross through Peter… only to go into Judas to ensure that Jesus WOULD go to the cross?  I’d like your thoughts on this matter because I believe it’s a pretty interesting question.

Sincerely,
Motive Monitor

Dear Motive Monitor,

Satan is the author of lies and murder (Jhn 8:44).  If there is any chaos, damage, or trouble that the devil can cause God and His children… he’ll do it (1 Pet 5:8).  Satan tried to pit Peter against Jesus by getting him to rebuke Jesus, and he also tried to pit (successfully) Judas against Jesus by getting him to betray Jesus.  Satan sows discord wherever possible.  It is not necessary to have an overarching plan when you are causing trouble; all Satan has to do is throw a monkey wrench in the works wherever he can.  In fact, Satan didn’t even realize how Jesus was going to save mankind – even the angels were unaware of Christ’s plans (1 Pet 1:12).  Satan was just doing what he always does, trying to tear people away from God by whatever means possible.

(This post is a follow-up to “The Messiah”)

From what I have read, he did not meet the criteria in the Old Testament (as you guys call it).  I have talked to deeply religious christians about this, and they can quote me Scripture all day long; however, since the Bible and Jesus are the most important things in their lives, you would think they would have done research on the historical origins of the Bible and the historic evidence of Jesus during the years of 1-60 AD, but I found in every single case without exception the same attitude of “I know nothing, and I do not want to know”.  One nurse I work with told me, “I do not need evidence; I just believe.”  Why do you think they call it blind faith?!

If you really think the New Testament is truly the word of God and not manmade, that means it all would make perfect sense, and there would not be any inconsistencies, and the more you learn, the more you will find out nothing is more obvious.

Plus, if we are right, then you guys are worshiping falsely and, therefore, are doomed under your own belief system.  The whole thing, in my opinion, comes down to our God-given gift of reason and common sense.

How would you respond if Muslims and Mormons told you they are the only way to God, and if you do not buy into it, you are doomed?

Can we not just respect each other?  If you know something I don’t and have historic proof and real evidence and not just blind faith, I would love to see it!

Sincerely,
Of A Friendly Faith

Dear Of A Friendly Faith,

It is an absolute travesty that no one has ever given you a better reason for believing in Jesus than blind faith.  We here at AYP believe that Jesus is the Christ because of the evidence – not in spite of it!  To save space, we are going to point you toward a couple of previous posts to read.  For information on the authenticity of the Bible and its divine origins, we recommend reading our posts “Who Wrote The Bible?” and perusing our evidences section of the AskYourPreacher archives.  God meant it when He told us to “come and reason together” with Him (Isa 1:18).  The more you dig into it, the more staggering the evidence is that the Bible was written by God.

The same goes for Jesus.  When the apostles first began preaching Jesus as the Christ, they did it to Jews who knew their Bibles.  The biggest stumbling block for every Jew was that Jesus died on a cross – something none of them believed would ever happen to the Messiah (Gal 5:11).  However, the apostles proved that the Bible did teach that the Messiah would have to suffer (Acts 26:22-23).  The apostles quoted verses like Ps 16:10 (used by Peter in Acts 2:25-31) and Isa 53:5-11 (used by Philip in Acts 8:32-35).  The Old Testament taught that the Messiah would suffer and die on a cross, and Jesus did that very thing.  We highly recommend reading The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel for further details on the evidence that Jesus fulfills the Old Testament prophecies concerning the Messiah.  Hopefully this gives you some evidence to whet your appetite; please feel free to continue to correspond with us as further questions arise.

Are there degrees or measures of religious faith?  Is faith a gift from God, or do we generate faith from our own soul and heart?  Why do some people seem to have more faith than others?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Learning To Be Loyal

Dear Learning To Be Loyal,

The ability to be saved through faith is a gift from God (Eph 2:8), but faith is something we are responsible for.  Faith comes from hearing what God says and then acting upon it (Rom 10:17).  Jesus rebuked the disciples for their lack of faith (Matt 14:31)… which means the amount of faith we have is our responsibility.

Some people have no faith (Rom 3:3), others have little faith (Matt 6:30), and some have great faith (Matt 8:10).  Some people have more faith than others because they have worked harder to cultivate faith in God.  It is our duty to increase in faith and service to God.  One of the simplest ways to measure our faith in God is by looking at our behavior (Jas 2:18).  How we live is a reflection of our loyalty to the Lord.  It is impossible to please God without an active and practiced faith in Him (Heb 11:6).  We must study, learn, and apply God’s Word daily.

Is it okay to deceive someone if it is the only way they will even begin an open discussion with you (e.g. telling someone that you agree with or understand their values when you truly do not because you know that unless you tell them that, there will be no way they will have a constructive conversation with you)?

Sincerely,
Feigned Interest

Dear Feigned Interest,

It is never okay to lie (Rev 21:8), but you don’t have to lie to be diplomatic.  Jesus tells us to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves when interacting with mankind (Matt 10:16).  Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t kindly ask to understand their position.  Wise men seek understanding (Pr 24:3), and friendships are built by being honest and gracious with your words (Pr 22:11).

Trying to balance being gracious with being forthright can be tricky, but it is possible.  Learning to have our words “seasoned with grace” is a lifetime education (Col 4:6).