Hi, everyone at Ask Your Preacher.  Is it all right for a christian to dress as Goth, Punk, Emo, Metal, or Hip-Hop?

Sincerely,
Alternative And Edgy

Dear Alternative And Edgy,

We have a lot of freedom in what clothes we wear as long as those clothes are:

1. Modest
2. Send the right message about who we are

Whatever your fashion style, immodest clothing is wrong (1 Tim 2:9).  Both men and women need to be very careful to not dress provocatively and inappropriately.

The second issue is that how we dress is a reflection on our character.  Whether we like it or not, all of us have a reaction to someone who has a gigantic skull tattoo on their neck… clothes may not make the man, but they do make people think about the man.  Everything we do should be for the glory of the Lord (1 Cor 9:23).  Whatever your fashion sense is, just make sure it sends the right message.

Yes, I was arrested years ago for something stupid; is being arrested a sin… even if it’s nothing?  Because cops where I lived will arrest you for anything.

Sincerely,
Convicted

Dear Convicted,

Being arrested isn’t a sin as long as you didn’t do anything wrong.  Paul was arrested for preaching the gospel (Acts 16:25) – so were the rest of the apostles (Acts 5:17-18).  If you are innocent, then there isn’t an issue.  We are told to obey the government’s regulations insomuch as they don’t contradict the Scriptures (1 Pet 2:13-14).  If you suffer as an innocent person, you will be rewarded by God (1 Pet 3:14) – but if you were arrested for a law you actually broke, it is a sin.

My boss was “using” me at the office because he had a position of power, and his wife confronted me, and he played dumb about doing anything wrong.  He acts “holier than thou” and has everyone fooled.  I ended up having to quit my job that, I must say, I was pretty good at.  Will God take care of his selfishness on His own?  What scriptures can I read to help me?  He told me never to contact him ever again.  All he does is lie and use people for his own gain.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Between Jobs

Dear Between Jobs,

God makes sure that everyone has to answer for the choices that they make in this life (1 Pet 4:5); this includes both you and your boss – the truth is bare before God.  Vengeance belongs to the Lord (Rom 12:19).  In the end, if you flee from sin (1 Cor 6:18) and seek God (Heb 7:25), things will work together for your good (Rom 8:28).  In the end, losing this job may be the best thing that ever happened to you – it certainly got you out of a spiritually perilous circumstance.  God will take care of your boss, and now you are free to seek the Lord without hindrance (Heb 11:6).

How are you supposed to treat a former member of the church after they have fallen away?  Say, for example, they want to meet up and take the kids to the park or catch a movie.

Sincerely,
Standing Up To The Fallen

Dear Standing Up To The Fallen,

When a brother or sister falls away, purposeful distance is our greatest tool to save their souls.  God tells churches to withdraw from brethren who deliberately return to a sinful lifestyle (2 Thess 3:6).  We should appeal with gentle and loving words in hopes of bringing them back to the Lord (2 Thess 3:15), but when that doesn’t work, we must show them our conviction by kindly, but firmly, refusing to keep company with them (1 Cor 5:11-13).  There isn’t anything that speaks louder than actions.  If you make it clear that the distance is done out of love and not out of hate… you will leave a message that might just cause them to reconsider.

I have met a woman whom I’ve fallen in love with.  She has been separated from her husband (who committed several acts of adultery) for over a year and a half.  We wish to marry after the divorce is final; we are waiting on the last court date, which will make it final.  But both of us being believers, we are wanting to know if our relationship will be blessed by God, or are we adulterers ourselves in the eyes of God by starting a relationship before the divorce is final?  I’m good friends with her soon-to-be ex, and I know he has committed countless acts of sexual immorality with other women since they separated.  We both want to have a family appeasing to God, and she already has kids from him.  I guess it’s more of when is the divorce finalized in the eyes of God, so that she is free to find someone else?

Sincerely,
The Other Guy

Dear The Other Guy,

The Lord tells us to be above reproach (1 Tim 6:14) and to do what is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17)… being in a relationship with a woman who is still married (under any circumstances) violates those commands.  She has every right to divorce her husband (Matt 19:9), but until that divorce is final – she is married.  Therefore, if you are seeing her, then you are seeing another man’s wife.  Regardless of what may be in the future, that is the situation right now.  Each day has enough troubles of its own (Matt 6:34)… deal with tomorrow’s circumstances when they come.  Today, you need to keep your distance and show respect for her marriage, regardless of what duress it is under.

On July 5th, the only animal that ever loved me (and I her) died next to me in my bed.  She was sick for a while, and I had prayed for her healing.  However, your god took her from me peacefully.  I am so angry at your god that I am cursing him with as much anger as I can stand.  He has really hardened my heart against him.  If there is a god, why doesn’t he hear me, and why didn’t he heal my baby?  I may never believe in him again, and this was all his fault.  If he cares so much for us, then why did this happen?  I just can’t pray on his deaf ears anymore.  I can’t explain the anger that I have against him… if there is a him up there.  I have been a believer all of my life, and this is changing my mind to go over to the other side and start over again.  Maybe the worship of a cow or a monkey isn’t such a bad idea.   All of those people can’t be wrong, could they?

Sincerely,
Grieving

Dear Grieving,

We are so sorry for your loss.  Losing a beloved animal is a very difficult loss.  We often have people write into the site after a great trial in their life and ask us, “Why?”.  We wish we could give you a specific answer, but we can’t.  We can tell you that God didn’t bring death into our world – sin did.  In the Garden of Eden, all life was blessed, and everything was perfect (Gen 1:31).  It is only after mankind sinned that death and suffering were introduced (Gen 2:17).  All of creation was affected by sin (Gen 3:17-18).  The devil would have us blame God for our suffering, but he is the one that created all the chaos and hurt (Gen 3:13).

Our hearts go out to you in your time of suffering.  We cannot imagine how you must be feeling (Pr 14:10), but we hope your hurt eventually draws your heart nearer to the Lord for comfort (2 Cor 1:3).  If you are in need of a congregation in your area to edify and encourage you at this time, we would be happy to help you find one (our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org).