How are you supposed to treat a former member of the church after they have fallen away?  Say, for example, they want to meet up and take the kids to the park or catch a movie.

Sincerely,
Standing Up To The Fallen

Dear Standing Up To The Fallen,

When a brother or sister falls away, purposeful distance is our greatest tool to save their souls.  God tells churches to withdraw from brethren who deliberately return to a sinful lifestyle (2 Thess 3:6).  We should appeal with gentle and loving words in hopes of bringing them back to the Lord (2 Thess 3:15), but when that doesn’t work, we must show them our conviction by kindly, but firmly, refusing to keep company with them (1 Cor 5:11-13).  There isn’t anything that speaks louder than actions.  If you make it clear that the distance is done out of love and not out of hate… you will leave a message that might just cause them to reconsider.

Jesus never called us christians, so why does man?  I know where the name came from.  We have many names after being saved that are not ‘christian’ (Jhn 13:35).

Sincerely,
Don’t Label Me

Dear Don’t Label Me,

The name ‘christian’ is a Bible name.  In Acts 11:26, we see believers first using the title ‘christian’.  The apostle Peter uses that moniker for Christ’s followers in 1 Pet 4:16.  All in all, it is a wholly biblical term.

I like this boy that is saved, and I have been wondering that if I love him now, will I still be in love with him while I’m in heaven?

Sincerely,
Big Crush

Dear Big Crush,

Romantic love, at least as we know it, will not exist in heaven.  Jesus says that there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).  Without marriage, there must be some sort of change in the relationships we have.  Love will certainly still exist once we enter the heavenly gates (1 Cor 13:8), but it will be different from what we have here.  Our relationships with others will change because we will change (1 Cor 15:51-52).

Recently, I heard a sermon, and the preacher asked, “Who or what is causing your light to dim?”  It has caused a lot of us to think.  I know who is causing my light to dim but don’t know what to do about it.  Our church is in turmoil.  No one respects the leader or leadership.  So, my question is: what do I do about it?

Sincerely,
Provoked To Action

Dear Provoked To Action,

If the congregation you are attending is having problems because it is no longer doing what the Lord wishes – your only option may be to leave.  However, if the congregation is faithful but floundering, and you have the strength to stick it out – let your light shine (Matt 5:16).  There are two reasons why most congregations in today’s society fall apart.

1. The congregation isn’t doing what the Bible says – in which case, they have problems because they aren’t following Bible patterns.  We recommend you read “Down With Denominationalism”, “Finding A Church”, and “Preacher Interrogation” for further information on what a New Testament congregation looks like.  Congregations that have a leadership that doesn’t hold to God’s Word are very difficult to change; most often, the only way to change them is for enough people to leave because they are disgusted with the unbiblical direction of the church.
2. The congregation has lost its love for the Lord (Rev 2:4-5).  Congregations that no longer have a zeal for the Bible and winning souls to Christ ultimately die off.  When we no longer serve Christ as faithful servants (1 Cor 4:2), a congregation loses its way.  Rev 2:1-7 tells of the church of Ephesus and the fate that awaited them because they lost their fire for God.

You must compare your congregation to the Bible and decide to stick it out and strengthen your brethren (Lk 22:32) or move on to another congregation where you can properly grow and serve the Lord with a clear conscience.  Whatever you do, make sure that you can say that the congregation you attend is “a pillar and ground of the truth” (1 Tim 3:15).  We have helped many others find faithful congregations in their area – if that is the road you believe you must choose, we would be happy to help you, too.

According to 1 Corinthians 5:9, we are not to associate ourselves with sinful people; how are we supposed to try and help them if we shouldn’t be hanging around them?

Sincerely,
Love From A Distance

Dear Love From A Distance,

In order to understand 1 Cor 5:9, we have to read the rest of the chapter.  Chapter five of first Corinthians is dealing with a christian who had decided to return to a wicked lifestyle (1 Cor 5:1).  Instead of rebuking this sinning brother, the Corinthian church was accepting his immoral lifestyle (1 Cor 5:2).  Paul was rebuking the congregation for not disciplining this wayward christian.  The church has the responsibility to discipline willfully sinning brethren – we do this by not associating with them until they repent (1 Cor 5:11).  This responsibility is only in regards to those who are within the church – not those outside of it (1 Cor 5:12-13).  God wants us to spend time with the lost, so we might win them to Christ (Mk 2:16-17).  We are to live in the world (1 Cor 5:10) as shining lights (Matt 5:14) to those who don’t know Christ.

I put up with a lot when it comes to a certain person and his family.  Eventually, I completely cut everyone out of my life, and now I’m at peace… my question is: did I do the right thing by letting go?  Did I do the right thing by completely cutting everyone out of my life… or letting go the way I did, or am I supposed to continue to help and be there for them?  It’s hard for me to continue to associate with these people when, in reality, all I want to do is leave them in the past… especially when they go to the same church as I do.

Sincerely,
Cut It Out

Dear Cut It Out,

When dealing with trials amongst brethren, the biggest word we must watch out for is ‘bitterness’.  God warns us that bitterness creeps in and defiles us (Heb 12:15).  Bitterness destroys marriages (Col 3:19); it enslaves us (Acts 8:23); it changes the way we talk (Rom 3:14) and the way we think and feel (Jas 3:14).  If you are dealing with a fellow christian, there must be some redeeming quality within them that you could dwell upon (Php 4:8).  Be very careful to not close your heart off to others – if we won’t forgive, God won’t forgive us (Matt 6:14).  Bitterness comes across in the way we live – with all kindness, we recommend that you examine yourself (1 Cor 11:31) and see whether or not it may be time to soften your heart and let go (Eph 4:31-32).  Cutting yourself off from everyone in your life, especially the church, isn’t the answer.