Why are there fake christian people who say they are christians and do bad stuff?  They think all they have to do is to believe in God, and then they do want they want.

Sincerely,
Tired Of The Charade

Dear Tired Of The Charade,

There have been, and always will be, people who are hypocritical in their faith (Matt 6:2).  Make note of that behavior and remember to never be that way yourself.  We can’t do anything about others, but we can examine ourselves (2 Cor 13:5) and make sure that we are faithful.  Christianity is about more than just believing in God… even the demons believe (Jas 2:19).  Real christians combine their belief with works (Jas 2:17-18).  God wants more than just lip service… not everyone who calls on His name will be saved (Matt 7:21-23).  Don’t just look like a christian; live like one (Matt 23:25-26).

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I was just curious.  What exactly does the Bible mean when it speaks of confessing our sins to one another?  When is it proper to confess to one another the sins we have committed?  When is it improper or excessive (if it can be so)?  When is it that this needs to be done?

Sincerely,
Confessionally Concerned

Dear Confessionally Concerned,

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.

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How is another christian supposed to act (what are they supposed to do or say) when a fellow christian has fallen into a sin pit?

Sincerely,
Look Out Below!

Dear Look Out Below,

When we know our brother or sister is caught up in sin, we must do something.  Christians have a moral responsibility to exhort one another to flee from sin (Heb 3:13).  If we can, we must try and save those who are falling into the fire of sin (Jude 1:23).  If we truly love one another, we will have enough love to confront each other (1 Cor 13:4-7).  Remember, if you can convert them from their error, you will have saved their soul from death (Jas 5:19-20).

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How are you supposed to treat a former member of the church after they have fallen away?  Say, for example, they want to meet up and take the kids to the park or catch a movie.

Sincerely,
Standing Up To The Fallen

Dear Standing Up To The Fallen,

When a brother or sister falls away, purposeful distance is our greatest tool to save their souls.  God tells churches to withdraw from brethren who deliberately return to a sinful lifestyle (2 Thess 3:6).  We should appeal with gentle and loving words in hopes of bringing them back to the Lord (2 Thess 3:15), but when that doesn’t work, we must show them our conviction by kindly, but firmly, refusing to keep company with them (1 Cor 5:11-13).  There isn’t anything that speaks louder than actions.  If you make it clear that the distance is done out of love and not out of hate… you will leave a message that might just cause them to reconsider.

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Jesus never called us christians, so why does man?  I know where the name came from.  We have many names after being saved that are not ‘christian’ (Jhn 13:35).

Sincerely,
Don’t Label Me

Dear Don’t Label Me,

The name ‘christian’ is a Bible name.  In Acts 11:26, we see believers first using the title ‘christian’.  The apostle Peter uses that moniker for Christ’s followers in 1 Pet 4:16.  All in all, it is a wholly biblical term.

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I like this boy that is saved, and I have been wondering that if I love him now, will I still be in love with him while I’m in heaven?

Sincerely,
Big Crush

Dear Big Crush,

Romantic love, at least as we know it, will not exist in heaven.  Jesus says that there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).  Without marriage, there must be some sort of change in the relationships we have.  Love will certainly still exist once we enter the heavenly gates (1 Cor 13:8), but it will be different from what we have here.  Our relationships with others will change because we will change (1 Cor 15:51-52).

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Recently, I heard a sermon, and the preacher asked, “Who or what is causing your light to dim?”  It has caused a lot of us to think.  I know who is causing my light to dim but don’t know what to do about it.  Our church is in turmoil.  No one respects the leader or leadership.  So, my question is: what do I do about it?

Sincerely,
Provoked To Action

Dear Provoked To Action,

If the congregation you are attending is having problems because it is no longer doing what the Lord wishes – your only option may be to leave.  However, if the congregation is faithful but floundering, and you have the strength to stick it out – let your light shine (Matt 5:16).  There are two reasons why most congregations in today’s society fall apart.

1. The congregation isn’t doing what the Bible says – in which case, they have problems because they aren’t following Bible patterns.  We recommend you read “Down With Denominationalism”, “Finding A Church”, and “Preacher Interrogation” for further information on what a New Testament congregation looks like.  Congregations that have a leadership that doesn’t hold to God’s Word are very difficult to change; most often, the only way to change them is for enough people to leave because they are disgusted with the unbiblical direction of the church.
2. The congregation has lost its love for the Lord (Rev 2:4-5).  Congregations that no longer have a zeal for the Bible and winning souls to Christ ultimately die off.  When we no longer serve Christ as faithful servants (1 Cor 4:2), a congregation loses its way.  Rev 2:1-7 tells of the church of Ephesus and the fate that awaited them because they lost their fire for God.

You must compare your congregation to the Bible and decide to stick it out and strengthen your brethren (Lk 22:32) or move on to another congregation where you can properly grow and serve the Lord with a clear conscience.  Whatever you do, make sure that you can say that the congregation you attend is “a pillar and ground of the truth” (1 Tim 3:15).  We have helped many others find faithful congregations in their area – if that is the road you believe you must choose, we would be happy to help you, too.

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According to 1 Corinthians 5:9, we are not to associate ourselves with sinful people; how are we supposed to try and help them if we shouldn’t be hanging around them?

Sincerely,
Love From A Distance

Dear Love From A Distance,

In order to understand 1 Cor 5:9, we have to read the rest of the chapter.  Chapter five of first Corinthians is dealing with a christian who had decided to return to a wicked lifestyle (1 Cor 5:1).  Instead of rebuking this sinning brother, the Corinthian church was accepting his immoral lifestyle (1 Cor 5:2).  Paul was rebuking the congregation for not disciplining this wayward christian.  The church has the responsibility to discipline willfully sinning brethren – we do this by not associating with them until they repent (1 Cor 5:11).  This responsibility is only in regards to those who are within the church – not those outside of it (1 Cor 5:12-13).  God wants us to spend time with the lost, so we might win them to Christ (Mk 2:16-17).  We are to live in the world (1 Cor 5:10) as shining lights (Matt 5:14) to those who don’t know Christ.

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I put up with a lot when it comes to a certain person and his family.  Eventually, I completely cut everyone out of my life, and now I’m at peace… my question is: did I do the right thing by letting go?  Did I do the right thing by completely cutting everyone out of my life… or letting go the way I did, or am I supposed to continue to help and be there for them?  It’s hard for me to continue to associate with these people when, in reality, all I want to do is leave them in the past… especially when they go to the same church as I do.

Sincerely,
Cut It Out

Dear Cut It Out,

When dealing with trials amongst brethren, the biggest word we must watch out for is ‘bitterness’.  God warns us that bitterness creeps in and defiles us (Heb 12:15).  Bitterness destroys marriages (Col 3:19); it enslaves us (Acts 8:23); it changes the way we talk (Rom 3:14) and the way we think and feel (Jas 3:14).  If you are dealing with a fellow christian, there must be some redeeming quality within them that you could dwell upon (Php 4:8).  Be very careful to not close your heart off to others – if we won’t forgive, God won’t forgive us (Matt 6:14).  Bitterness comes across in the way we live – with all kindness, we recommend that you examine yourself (1 Cor 11:31) and see whether or not it may be time to soften your heart and let go (Eph 4:31-32).  Cutting yourself off from everyone in your life, especially the church, isn’t the answer.

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It seems many christians think being faithful means one attends all gatherings of the church – Sunday morning Bible study, worship in the morning and evening, and Wednesday evening Bible study.  Please help me with a biblical definition of faithfulness for my use in discussions.  Thank you for your clear answers that are backed by Scripture.

Sincerely,
Faithful Attender

Dear Faithful Attender,

Faith is a simple word with a lot of big implications.  The word for ‘faith’ in Greek is ‘pistis’.  ‘Pistis’ is translated ‘belief’ and ‘faith’ in English, so when you see the word ‘believe’ or the word ‘faith’ in your Bible… they are the same Greek word.  The word means ‘conviction that something is true’.  The Bible specifically uses the word ‘faith’ to describe our attitude toward God (Acts 20:21).   Faith is a requirement for salvation (Eph 2:8).

Biblical faith exists when we trust in the unseen God (Heb 11:1).  Faith is also described as a lifestyle of seeking God (Heb 11:6).  Faith without action is dead (Jas 2:26).  Even the demons believe in God… but they don’t seek Him (Jas 2:19).  Faith has its origin in the Scriptures – we believe because we hear God’s Word (Rom 10:17).  Biblical faith is best described as ‘hearing what God says and then doing your best to loyally act upon those words’.

Using that definition, regular church attendance is a part of faith because God tells us to not forsake assembling with the saints (Heb 10:24-25).  However, attendance is certainly not the all-defining characteristic of a faithful lifestyle.  One could easily attend every meeting of the church and still be a godless heathen the rest of the week (the man who had his father’s wife is a great example of this – 1 Cor 5:1-2).  Faith is a life guided by the words of the Bible.  A faithful person allows the Bible to be their compass and lets God reign within them (Lk 17:21).

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Suffering of christians in other countries like Africa…

I don’t understand.  If we consider what Jesus said in Lk 12:22-26, why do true christians starve to death everyday in other countries?  I understand that sometimes bad things are allowed to happen to us for God’s purpose, but when I am asked by my children this question, how do I answer?

Sincerely,
Hungering For Truth

Dear Hungering For Truth,

Lk 12:22-26 never says that christians won’t suffer or die; it just says that God provides for us the way He sees fit and that we shouldn’t be anxious.  Even Christ once went forty days without food (Lk 4:2), but there was a purpose to that hunger.  Job was a man whose life epitomized suffering… but once again, there was a purpose (Job 2:3-7).  Many christians died for their faith in the first century (Rev 17:6).  Some christians die because they refuse to steal food, some die because they refuse to lie or cheat, and still others are murdered for confessing Christ.  It was that way then, and it is the same today in many parts of the world.  Not all christians are called to suffer to the point of blood (Heb 12:4), but if living a christian life brings about your death – heaven is very far better (Php. 1:21-23).  When we suffer as christians, we are blessed (1 Pet 3:13-14).  Tell your children that this world is not our home… we are just passing through.

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A family member of mine said it was wrong according to the Bible and God that you should not take another christian to court.  What do you say?

Sincerely,
Legal Matters

Dear Legal Matters,

We say that your family member is 100% correct.  The Bible clearly states in 1 Cor 6:6-8 that christians shouldn’t take each other to court.  It brings shame upon the church, and it would be better to be defrauded and show love than to drag brethren to court.  Christians are supposed to have a higher moral standard than the average citizen… it only makes sense that brethren should honestly and faithfully try and handle matters with one another (1 Cor 6:1).

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Recently, my friend and I promised each other that if we saw the other turning away from God, we would speak up.  Basically, we promised to be each other’s support system and to encourage each other in God.  But I found out a few weeks ago that she has been sleeping with her boyfriend and some other similar things.  I would speak up, but she doesn’t know I know because both her boyfriend and sister told me on accident; they thought she would have told me.  I know she is avoiding honesty because she thinks I will scold her and be disappointed.  I admit, I am disappointed, but I just wish she would be honest with me.  How do I handle this?  I don’t want to cause fights by revealing to her who told me, but I want to be able to help her.  What do I do?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend

Dear A Concerned Friend,

If you know that a fellow christian is living a sinful life, you have a moral obligation to do something about it.  Christ says that we should privately confront one another (Matt 18:15).  If she repents, you have saved her soul (Jas 5:20).  Make it clear that you have honest and loving concern for her (2 Thess 3:14-15).  It is an act of love to entreat a fellow christian to turn from sin (1 Jn 3:18).  No matter how you came by the information, you have a responsibility to try and save your sister.

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I am interested to know of any verse that states that I need to go to my pastor regarding starting a home Bible study.

Sincerely,
Homeschooled

Dear Homeschooled,

There are no verses on this subject… because you don’t need their authority.  The Scriptures are a free gift from God to all mankind.  The Bible is useful to all and useful at all times (2 Tim 3:16).  The Bereans were praised for their individual desire to study the Scriptures for themselves (Acts 17:11).  We are told to discuss the Scriptures (especially with our families) at every available opportunity (Deu 11:19).  If you start teaching false doctrine – the church will have a responsibility to correct it (Acts 20:28-29), but there is nothing wrong with home Bible studies.

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The Bible says, “Touch not My anointed, and do him no harm”.  My question is: when is it a legal issue?  If the anointed is a child molester and a murderer, should his behavior be reported to the leaders of the church?

Sincerely,
Pressing Charges

Dear Pressing Charges,

The verse you are referring to (1 Chr 16:22) has nothing to do with reporting a murderer or other heinous criminals.  1 Chr 16:22 (it is also mentioned in Ps 105:15) is specifically talking about how God took care of the nation of Israel.  The preceding verse (1 Chr 16:21) mentions how God forbid other kings and nations from attacking Israel.

If someone has committed a serious felony, you should do more than report them to the leadership of the church – you should report them to the authorities.  God specifically sets the government in place to bring to justice people who having chosen to destroy others’ lives (Rom 13:3-4).

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A youth pastor is going to different families in the church and saying that he thinks two particular teens are having a homosexual relationship.  He has not talked to the youths themselves or their parents.  What kind of action would you suggest be taken in regards to this youth pastor?

Sincerely,
Not A Gossip Girl

Dear Not A Gossip Girl,

Homosexuality is a sin (Rom 1:26-27), and to slander someone with such an accusation is a heinous crime indeed.  We are never to gossip or slander people (Pr 10:18, 2 Tim 3:3).  The Scriptures teach that if we believe someone is living a sinful lifestyle, we should talk to them individually first before escalating the issue and exposing their sin to others (Matt 18:15-17).  There are multiple reasons for this:

1. You might be wrong and have misunderstood the situation.
2. Individual confrontation keeps a situation as private as possible and, therefore, allows people to save face.
3. It avoids gossip and making a situation larger than it needs to be.
4. God says to do it this way (most importantly!).

This “youth pastor” (that title alone tells us there are further problems at your congregation – we recommend you read “What’s In A Name?” and “Elders”) is completely wrong in not confronting the individuals personally.  If he is right, then their souls hang in the balance.  If he is wrong, then the situation could be corrected privately the way God intends.

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What is the role of the woman in the church?  Is she supposed to just sit and give tithes and offerings, or is she supposed to be active in ministries of the church?  The church is Christ’s body, so the church is the people, right?

Sincerely,
Want To Be A Worker

Dear Want To Be A Worker,

Just because women don’t lead in the public assembly, doesn’t mean that they just take up pew space and write checks!  The Bible is chock-full of examples of active and vibrant godly women.  Lydia was a christian who took Paul and gave him lodging, food, and financial support (Acts 16:14-15).  Priscilla and Aquila were a married couple that taught the gospel to Apollos (Acts 18:24-26).  That same Apollos went on to become a mighty preacher… something that would have never happened without Priscilla.  John Mark’s mother opened her home for a prayer meeting that saved Peter’s life (Acts 12:11-12).

Older women are supposed to be teachers and train the younger women to be faithful wives and mothers (Tit 2:3-5).  Younger women have the immensely important task of raising godly children… the next generation of christians (Tit 2:4).  Women have children’s classes to teach, women’s classes to teach, hospitality to provide, others to encourage, and evangelism to do.

On top of all those very important and pivotal roles within the church, during the worship services, women have the task of singing and praising God (just like the men – Col 3:16) and joining in the public prayer… just because one man leads the prayer doesn’t mean we aren’t all praying together.  When the church assembles, we all are worshipping God, edifying each other, and studying His Word (Heb 10:24-25).

And yes, the church is the people – not the building.  The word ‘church’ actually means ‘the called out’.  The church is composed of those who have heard the call of Christ and have come out of the world to serve Him.

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What is the purpose of elders in the church today?

Sincerely,
Office Assessor

Dear Office Assessor,

Elders are the overseers of the church; they have the oversight of the local congregation (1 Tim 3:1 – ‘bishop’ means ‘one that oversees’).  Elders also go by the name ‘pastor’ or ‘shepherd’ because they take care of the flock of God (1 Pet 5:2).  Every church has its own elders (Acts 14:23), and every congregation must have more than one elder.  Any church that only has one pastor isn’t following the pattern found in the New Testament.  Pastors never govern alone.

Elders keep watch over the souls of those in the church, watching out for those who are wavering, strengthening the weak, etc.  They will give account to God for how they watched over the local church (Heb 13:17).  Not just anyone can be an elder.  1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 give the qualifications for elders.  Elders are older men who have proven themselves qualified to guide the church in a faithful manner.

The eldership of a church protects it from division, false teachers, and other various trials.  They are in charge of the church’s finances, class programs, preaching, and anything else that pertains to the local church.  Their job is to make sure that the church is faithfully adhering to the Bible and nothing else.

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I have a question concerning forgiveness.  I have a friend that was baptized a few years ago but still wants to drink to get it out of their system… but will stop in a few years.  When I ask why they are doing it, they say they, “are going to be forgiven anyway if they ask for it later”, so they continue to drink.  My question is, will they really be forgiven?  Or will their forgiveness being asked in vain?

Sincerely,
Sober-Minded

Dear Sober-Minded,

Your friend has a common misconception about sin… that it is easy to quit.  When we openly and purposefully sin, we are choosing to become enslaved by that sin (alcohol is specifically mentioned as being addictive – Tit 2:3).  Paul teaches that part of becoming a christian is changing our attitude toward sin (Rom 6:1-4).  Christianity is a new life… a new life where sin no longer rules over us (Rom 6:11).

When we are baptized, we are making a statement that we hate sin, want it removed from our lives, and are seeking forgiveness from Christ.  Baptism is an appeal to God for a new life free from the filth of sin (1 Pet. 3:21).  If your friend still wants to live in sin and trick God into forgiveness later – God will not be deceived (Gal 6:7).  God knows our hearts (Lk 16:15).  If we accidently sin and then ask Him for forgiveness… that is very different from purposefully living a sinful lifestyle.  Your friend has some maturing to do before they really understand what it means to live a godly lifestyle.  In fact, if they are currently sinning, it may be time for you to talk to them about it.  Unfortunately, if he/she won’t listen to Scriptures, you may need to do what Matt 18:15-16 says and bring another faithful christian along to help you explain the sinful predicament he/she is in.

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I was told recently by my pastor that an elder should always put his congregation first, even before his wife.  I believe that to be incorrect.  I always thought that we should all place God first, our spouses second, and our children third, and that is the model for a christian family.  I believe that to be one of the most significant examples to your congregation.  Am I correct, or am I wrong about this?

Sincerely,
Ducks In A Row

Dear Ducks In A Row,

You are right.  The Scriptures are clear that being an elder is a voluntary position (1 Tim 3:1).  A man can resign from the eldership, but he can’t resign from his marriage or his family.  God makes it clear that when a man marries, a large portion of his life becomes dedicated to caring for his wife’s needs (1 Cor 7:32-34).  Furthermore, husbands are clearly told that they must care for their wives as much as they care for their own bodies (Eph 5:28).  A man is a husband for life; he is an elder by choice for a time.

His relationship with his children is also not optional.  A father has various responsibilities to his offspring (Eph 6:4, Col 3:21, Heb 12:9, etc.).

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I love my church, and I know the Bible tells me I’m supposed to be really close with my church family, but for some reason, I don’t get along well with the people my age.  I have other friends, but none of them are christians, and I want to have a good relationship with the people I’m supposed to.  When I try to hang out with some of the people I think I might get along with, I feel like an annoyance, or they have other things going on.  I feel like I’ve been praying about it for years, but I still don’t have close relationships with any of them.  Is there anything I can do to make good solid relationships with my church family?

Sincerely,
In The Out-Crowd

Dear In The Out-Crowd,

There is no single neat answer to the question you have asked.  However, there are some general principles that you might consider.

1. Your friends don’t have to be your age.  Paul and Timothy had an exceptionally close relationship even though Timothy was a young man (1 Tim 4:12), and Paul was much older.  Despite their age difference, Paul and Timothy were of the same mind, and that made them close (Php 2:19-20).  Age is only one factor when trying to make friends.
2. Someone has to start friendships.  Our tendency in life is to wait for others to befriend us for fear of rejection.  However, all friendships start because someone behaved friendly (Pr 27:9).  Jesus was so loved because He reached out to others and befriended them (Matt 11:19).
3. There will always be some people that you are closer to than others.  The church is a family (Eph 2:19), and just like a biological family, everyone has different bonds with everyone else.  Everyone loves each other, but each intra-family relationship is unique.  Don’t feel that you have to be close to every person in your congregation.  Just making an effort to be involved with the group as a whole is the goal.
4. Friendships are built when we work together.  When every christian supplies what strength they have to the Lord’s work, relationships naturally begin to form because we are helping each other (Eph 4:16).  Friendships often form naturally when we simply decided to be as involved as possible.

Having said all of that, it isn’t always easy to make friends – even in the Lord’s church.  Do not grow weary in doing good; eventually, you will reap the benefits (Gal 6:9-10).

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We have been attending the same church for seven or eight years.  We are not members but participate in all activities.  We contribute to the love offering, are called when we have prayer chains, and help provide food for a family if someone passes away.  We are included just like a church member, but when our grandson and father passed away, the church didn’t provide us with a meal after the service as we do with everyone else.  We aren’t members, but I don’t think that is the problem because we have provided meals for the non-members that have lost family members.  We feel hurt that we have been overlooked twice.  We thought we were part of this church family; we provide services: i.e. our time to help with the grounds keeping, painting, planting, etc. out of our pocket to help our church out.  We don’t ask for repayment or even tell what we do at times.  We do it to feel connected to the church.  Am I wrong in feeling like others have a problem with us, and should we find another church or stay and continue to worship God and do His will?

Sincerely,
Persona Non Grata

Dear Persona Non Grata,

You should definitely always do God’s will, but you will have to decide whether staying where you are is, in fact, fulfilling God’s commands.  What does God say that we should do when others hurt our feelings?   If you really feel offended by someone, you should go and talk to them and, if at all possible, reconcile (Matt 5:23-24).  What you are talking about doesn’t sound like a Bible doctrine disagreement, but a personal (though legitimate) frustration.

However, we have to admit we are confused by the fact that you are so dedicated to this church and yet are not a member… is there something unscriptural about how the church is behaving?  Are they somehow failing to match up with God’s criteria for what the church should be (See “Finding the Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to look at some of those criteria)?  If your reason for not placing your membership with this church is a Bible reason – then you should leave and find a faithful church to be a part of.  If the reason isn’t Biblical, then you should place your membership there.  There are no examples of christians in the Bible that weren’t members of a local church.  Even the apostle Paul, with all of his traveling, was a member of the church in Antioch (Acts 11:25-26).  Find a faithful group and commit to serving God with them.

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