My husband, three girls, and I are born-again christians, but in our Hispanic heritage, most of our family is still Catholic.  Please let us know what the deal is with their belief system because to us, it seems that the ends don’t meet… and that a lot of what their religion entails is clearly wrong and contradicts what we are learning in the Bible and what we feel and discern as we walk in the Lord.  My husband and I were specifically discussing the topic of “The Virgin of Guadalupe”.  Did she really appear in the shroud in Mexico?  Is that name made up?  Is she the same as the Virgin Mary?  And why do Catholics (our family included) worship the Mother of Jesus more so than Jesus Himself?  I don’t like that at all… doesn’t Jesus prefer for us to love Him before all things and people?  I grew up Catholic, but I never ever felt this serious and passionate about loving our Lord and God, neither did I feel such a hunger for knowing everything about Him!  I’m so glad I am finally saved and know it!!!   Praise be to Him always and forever!  If you can help us with this curiosity, thanks…

Sincerely,
A Disciple

Dear A Disciple,

Congratulations on making such a bold move to make the Bible as the guide for your life.  That commitment to biblical integrity is what sets you apart from your Catholic extended family.  Catholicism places the pope as the head of the church; Christianity places Christ as the head of the church (Eph 5:23).  All Catholic practices exist because the papal hierarchy believes them to be right; sometimes those beliefs agree with the Bible, but many times they don’t.  Catholicism tells priests to not marry, and it forbids certain foods – practices specifically condemned by Paul as false teaching (1 Tim 4:1-3).  Catholics are taught to call their religious leaders ‘father’, but the Bible says that is wrong (Matt 23:9).  Catholic practices like infant baptism (and the teaching that children are born sinful), Vatican councils, cardinal vs. venial sins, etc. have no foundation in the Bible.

Worshipping various Catholic “saints” is a practice that is (as you know) very common in Catholicism, but God tells us that we should worship only Him (Matt 4:10).  In fact, Peter was rebuked when he offered to make a monument to honor Moses and Elijah on an equal level with Jesus (Matt 17:4-6).  Various Catholic monuments, shrouds, relics, etc. are unsubstantiated items that have no Biblical bearing.  Simply put, those items are only “holy” because the Catholic church says they are.  We derive our authority from the Bible, and that is where faith starts (Rom 10:17).

As for worshipping Mary… Jesus is the only mediator between man and God (1 Tim 2:5).  We pray to the Father through Jesus… not through Mary or any other Catholic figure.  We are told to confidently approach God directly (Heb 4:16).  We should ask of God and pray to Him through the name of Jesus (Jhn 14:13-14).  Praying to (or through) Catholic saints is wrong.  As you said, Jesus wants our love before all things and all people.

Catholicism is so deeply rooted in many Hispanic communities that you will find it a constant part of your job as a christian to give Bible answers in hopes of freeing them from this false religion (1 Pet 3:15).  What an opportunity to shine your light for the glory of God (Matt 5:16)!

I grew up in a Catholic home.  I was raised mostly by my paternal aunt and my uncle (her husband).  I did grow up with my birth mother from ages 10-15.  I became rebellious with my birthmother and left home with my boyfriend (at the time) because of his constant verbal and physical abuse.  I gave birth to my first daughter at seventeen.  During this time, my birthmother found Jesus and was converted.  She forgave me, and she and I have never been closer.  I was also converted into Christianity, and I have successfully grown in the Lord.  However, when I left my abusive relationship, I didn’t return to my mother’s house.  I went back to my aunt’s house with my daughter.  I have remarried, and my husband and I have two more girls.  We live at my aunt’s house.  They like us living here, and we are happy, thanks to the Lord.  We are extremely blessed.

I love my aunt and uncle who have tirelessly helped us in so many ways.  They appreciate the new attitude and our family’s fruits as christians, but they try to avoid us when we try to share the good food of the gospel with them.

My question is as follows: what should we do?  I feel like they are good people, but they are better Catholics; they worship all kinds of “saints” and speak of the Virgin Mary more than our Lord Jesus.  They never read their Bibles, and they misunderstand a lot of “scriptures” (the few that the priest reads at their church).  A lot of things they believe in are not right.  I know this is wrong, but what do we do??

Sincerely,
Nice Niece

Dear Nice Niece,

The greatest impact you can make is to live your life and let Christ’s Word speak through your actions.  People have to want Christ to come into their lives for the gospel to take root (Rev 3:14).  We cannot force anyone to change; Christianity is a voluntary religion.  The first century church was marked by its kindhearted and godly reputation… and it affected those around them (Acts 5:13-14).  Family is traditionally the most difficult evangelism project – even Jesus admitted that His hometown was the least likely to listen to Him (Mk 6:4).  Don’t shy away from spiritual conversations with your aunt and uncle, but don’t force them either.  Live authentically, and they will notice and consider.  Jesus said that letting our lights shine brings glory to God (Matt 5:16).

I grew up in a “christian” home – one where we went to church on Sundays, and my mother often quoted the Bible and listened exclusively to religious music – while simultaneously hideously abusing me on both an emotional and physical level.  Now that I am an adult, married, and expecting my first child, my husband recently asked my mother to leave our home after a surprise visit and asked her not to come back – mainly because she continues the emotional abuse to this day.  After every episode of it, she will call me the next day as if nothing happened, offering no apology or even acknowledgment of her behavior, but carrying on a regular conversation.  While I have forgiven her, I no longer want her in my life, and though I pray for her happiness, health, and well-being, I cannot bear to live with the emotional abuse and the constant (4-5 times per week) phone calls at all hours.  I have politely told her many times that we need to address the issue of her behavior which sends her into another abusive episode followed by complete denial that anything happened.  I want to be Christ-like.  I forgive every time, but does that mean I have to look at another perhaps forty years of this?  What would Jesus do?  Am I wrong to cut her out of my life?  I do not want my son, due in July, to grow up around this influence, and this cycle of abusive outbursts followed by denial and disengagement has been happening for years.

Sincerely,
Breaking The Cycle

Dear Breaking The Cycle,

Showing forgiveness is not the same as trusting someone.  You have every right to set boundaries in your life if someone is corrupting you with their bad company (1 Cor 15:33).  If you have respectfully tried to show your mother the boundaries (and it sounds like you have), there comes a time when you must put your immediate family before your extended family.  You have a responsibility to your mother, but you have a greater responsibility to your husband and child (Matt 19:5).  It is unfortunate that you are in this situation, but Christ even said that sometimes christian morality will divide families (Matt 10:34-35).  We cannot tell you exactly what lines to draw (that is a matter of wisdom, not doctrine), but you are perfectly scriptural in setting some degree of moral boundary.

I have a question about “honor your father and your mother”.  Some parents seem to use this as a weapon when kids are not listening to their parents or misbehaving.  I seem to get different meanings of what this really means.  I do thank you for your time.  God bless!

Sincerely,
Ain’t Misbehavin’

Dear Ain’t Misbehavin’,

Children are told to honor their father and mother at all ages (Eph 6:2-3). The word ‘honor’ means ‘to esteem highly’.  Parents deserve respect and kind treatment from their offspring.  As parents reach old age, children show honor by caring for their parents’ needs (Matt 15:4-6).  Until independent adulthood, honoring your parents is shown through respectful obedience (Eph 6:1).  No Scripture should ever be wielded “as a weapon”, but regardless of how the verse is used, that is what it means.

I am a saved person and believe that Jesus died for my sins, and now I am saved and love my Lord.  I have been married to my husband for five years, and his children have treated me with hatred and contempt.  My husband is a christian, can lay on hands, and speak in tongues.  But instead of stopping their bad behavior, he lets them continue, and he says their behavior is my fault.  I do not smile or have joy, only if I’m in church.  My question is: can I commit suicide and still go to heaven?  Just can’t take much more days of crying and hurt.

Sincerely,
Not A Wicked Stepmother

Dear Not A Wicked Stepmother,

Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

The only reason we here at AYP hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” is because God never specifically makes that statement.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

There is always a way of escape from the temptation to sin (1 Cor 10:13).  There are other options, and there is help.  If you’d like someone in your area to help you through your struggle and the conflicting messages you are receiving, we would be happy find a faithful congregation in your area to help bring you comfort and truth.  Please don’t give up hope.

The Lord does provide relief through His Word (Acts 20:32).  From what you have said about speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, etc. – we fear that you may not be getting the full picture of what the Lord’s will is for His church and family (1 Tim 3:15).  We know of many preachers across the country ready and willing to help people like yourself come to a more complete understanding of the Lord’s ways.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like a preacher from your area to contact you.

I have a sensitive question that has a lot of varying answers, but I came across this site and decided to ask yet another religious and spiritual person.  Please try to answer as honestly as you can.

I had a cousin a little while back who committed suicide.  She was young (only 16) and not outwardly depressed or upset.  She left a long note for her mother, apologizing and trying to explain herself.  She was scared of what her future would hold, and her decision came with a lot of conscious struggle.  She left us all behind, confused and worried for her.  What would happen to someone like her in the afterlife? I know that God has the final say, but is suicide a sin?

ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
The girl in question wasn’t an overly religious person (didn’t attend church regularly), but she did believe in God, Jesus, and the afterlife.  She prayed every morning and often claimed to have a “connection” with God when she needed Him.  Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,
Sad Cousin

Dear Sad Cousin,

Suicide is a painful topic, and we are so sorry for your loss.  There are two things to consider when looking at what God says about a sixteen-year-old committing suicide.

1. Is suicide a sin?
2. How accountable does God hold someone of that age for their actions?

Question one is fairly straightforward – suicide is a sin.  Suicide is a form of murder, and murder is wrong (1 Jn 3:15).  What is so scary about suicide is that it is a form of murder that allows no opportunity for repentance (Heb 9:27).  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but it would be a very perilous thing to face God with your own blood on your hands.

Question number two is a lot trickier.  Children are not held accountable for their choices in the same way that adults are.  King David’s son died at infancy, and David knew that his son was in heaven (2 Sam 12:23).  Children are given as examples of godliness (Lk 18:17).  Paul uses the immaturity of children as an example (1 Cor 13:11).  At some point, children transition to being adults, and they become accountable for their own behavior… but that happens at different times for different kids.  Everyone understands that a five-year-old is a child and that a twenty-five-year-old is an adult; it is the ages in between that get fuzzier.  Sixteen is an age that sits squarely in the gray area.  Only God, who knows our hearts (Lk 16:15), could properly judge where your cousin’s maturity level was.  If she was still considered a child in the eyes of God, she will be in heaven – God doesn’t make mistakes; He will properly decide.  May God give you comfort in your time of grief for the loss of your loved one.