My dad has accepted Christ and was baptized (I’m almost positive he has).  I know he was baptized a long time ago, but he doesn’t show any christian-like behaviors.  If he didn’t say it, I wouldn’t be so sure.  He swears when he’s mad (which is often).  Also, once when my mom bought him this christian book for dads, he got all mad and said that he didn’t need her to tell him what to do.  He does pray at those big family affairs, but we don’t eat together anymore, so he doesn’t pray unless it’s an event.  So my main question is: would a person go to heaven if they accepted Christ long ago but didn’t ever talk to Him or think of Him or even go to church?  (We rarely go to church, but I go to a Christian school.) Thanks.

Sincerely,
Questioning Kid

Dear Questioning Kid,

God is the final judge of where a person’s soul ends up (Heb 12:23), but there are a lot of reasons to be concerned with your father’s spiritual state.  God tells us that it is possible for someone to fall away from the faith after being baptized (Heb 6:4-6).  We are warned to not “drift” away from the Lord (Heb 2:1) or “backslide” (Pr 1:32) into old sinful ways.  Once we are baptized, we are told to grow in the Lord and mature in our faith (1 Pet 2:2).  Baptism is the beginning of a new life, but God calls us to be faithful until death (Rev 2:10).

It is obvious that you care deeply for your dad and are worried about his soul.  The best thing you can do for him is to make sure your soul is safe and that you are living the right life, but in the end, he is responsible for his own choices.

My twelve-year-old has always been able to discuss religion and pray with me; recently, as I taught her more, she has turned against me and says based on what she sees, there is no life, and to spend eternity in hell is better than wasting time believing in a god that doesn’t exist.  My husband also doesn’t believe, so I am alone in my home.  I do not go to church; I pray and have faith on my own, turn to the Bible and others for help and guidance, and believe the Lord will send me where He wants me to be, but I can’t push religion.  I can just plant a seed.  So what should I do?

Sincerely,
All By Myself

Dear All By Myself,

You are in a very difficult situation, but take comfort; the Lord gives very specific instructions for how a wife should behave to impact her unbelieving family.  1 Pet 3:1-2 says that the most effective influence a wife can have is her behavior.  It isn’t the words that you say that will have the most impact; it is the godly life you live.  When your choices show that you put God first and that your fear and respect of the Lord is the guiding light of your life, it will begin to influence your family members.

This means that you have to focus on your own spiritual life.  You need to start attending services.  It is wrong to forsake assembling with God’s people (Heb 10:24-25).  We would be happy to help you find a faithful congregation in your area that can support you.  Feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.  As they see that you are serious about your own spiritual life, it will begin to affect your family.  Your example will plant that seed you are hoping for.

My mom was adopted, so we don’t know her family history well.  What would you do if you found out your boyfriend of twelve years maybe your cousin?  We have no children together.  He doesn’t know we may be cousins… we live together… WHAT DO WE DO FROM HERE?

Sincerely,
Regretful Researcher

Dear Regretful Researcher,

The very first thing you need to do is stop living together before you are married.  More important than any biological issues your future children may have, you are sinning, and that is much worse than any physical problem.  The reason people don’t get married – but instead (outside of marriage) have sex, live together, have children together, and eventually destroy their lives – is because we spend our lives making up the rules as we go.  We live our lives by the “what-makes-me-feel-good-right-now” philosophy.  We have no real standard to live by other than what we feel at the moment.  Like Pilate, we ask, “What is truth?” (Jhn 18:38) because we don’t know where to find the right answers to life.  How can we know what is the right thing to do?  Only the Creator can give us a rulebook for life that allows us to comfortably say, “I’m making the right choice.”  Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life (Jhn 14:6).  All the answers to life are found in His Scriptures (2 Pet 1:3).  If we want our relationships, our families, our careers, and our lives to work, we have to use the manual.

Biblically, there is nothing wrong with marrying your cousin – people did it quite commonly just a couple generations ago.  You would have to consider the medical ramifications of having children, but that is a medical decision – not a moral one.  As we said, more importantly than anything else is that you make your lives right with God.

When my grandpa passed away, we believe he came back here on earth temporarily for two reasons:

 

1. Right when he died, my uncle said nothing about it to his wife or kids; he was planning on telling them later, but Ellie (four at the time, I think) ran up to him and said that Grandpa died!  She sounded happy because she didn’t know what it meant.  My uncle asked how she knew, and she replied, “Grandpa told me!” and skipped away. My uncle asked his wife if she told Ellie, and she said, “No.”
2. At his funeral, my older cousin, Maddie, was walking with Ellie, and Ellie said, “Ooh, angel!” and Maddie asked, “Oh, you want to see the angel?” as she led her over to the angel statue. “No, over there!”  Ellie jerked away from her and pointed to midair where there was nothing.

Do you think that was my grandpa coming back to pay her a visit?  If so, why her?  Grandpa was a very great Catholic, and their whole family is as well.  Thank you.

 

Sincerely,
Grandchild

Dear Grandchild,

Your experience is fascinating, and we can’t explain to you exactly why Ellie said what she did, but we can ease your mind that it wasn’t your grandfather returning from the dead.  Luke 16:1-31 tells us what happens to both the faithful and the wicked when they die.  Jesus told His disciples about the death of two men: Lazarus (a faithful man) and a wicked, rich man.  When they died, Lazarus was immediately escorted by angels to Paradise (Lk 16:22), and the rich man immediately awoke in torment (Lk 16:23).  An important detail is that the rich man was told that neither he nor Lazarus could return to earth to visit the living (Lk 16:27-31).  Once we die, we go to face God and await the judgment (Heb 9:27).  Which is why it is so important that we prepare ourselves by becoming christians (read “Five Steps To Salvation” for details) and becoming active members of His church (read “Finding The Church” for how to find a faithful congregation).

I am a mother of two, and we don’t attend church.  I tell them as much as I know about God and Jesus and the Bible.  I am scared, though, every time I start to think about the end of days… not because I am not saved but because I heard that when the rapture comes, in heaven you will not know anyone.  I want to know my kids.  I want to watch them grow up and have babies of their own.  I think I may be misunderstanding something.  Please help me understand what is going to happen and if we are all going to be together and know each other.  Please, I get so sad about all of it.

Sincerely,
Maternal Instinct

Dear Maternal Instinct,

The Rapture isn’t a biblical teaching, and it won’t actually happen (read our article “Up In The Air” for a detailed explanation of what the Bible teaches about the Rapture).  However, you are still left with your concern about what heaven will be like (heaven is still very real! – 1 Pet 1:3-4).  In heaven, we have every reason to believe we will know each other.  In fact, if the transfiguration is any indication, we will know everyone in heaven, not just those we have known in this life.  When Jesus was transfigured on the Mount of Olives, both Moses and Elijah appeared and talked to Christ (Lk 9:30).  The remarkable thing is that Peter recognized both of those men even though they had been dead for many centuries (Lk 9:32-33).

Now, if we may, we’d like to address your statement that you don’t go to church.  It is a sin to not attend church; the Bible says so (Heb 10:24-25).  God uses the church to strengthen each of us individually, and He expects all of us to provide our effort to help strengthen others in His church (Eph 4:16).  The church is the pillar and support of the truth (1 Tim 3:15).  Every faithful christian of the Bible was commanded to be a member of a congregation because God knew that we shouldn’t stand alone.  It is a wonderful thing that you are teaching your children about Jesus and training them up to love Him (Pr 22:6).  We would be happy to help you move forward in your service to Christ by putting you in contact with a faithful congregation in your area.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and let us help you fill in that piece in the puzzle of your spiritual life.

When I married my wife, we made sure to put God right in the center. We all know God has a good bit to say about husbands and wives.  However, her family attends a Baptist church, and they call themselves christians.  My wife and I attend a church of Christ (where I have attended for the last twenty years), and my wife was added to the Lord’s church shortly before we were married.  We both really try to live our lives as Christ would want us to.  My problem is her family asks us from time to time to go to their church.  I show them Scripture for the reasons why we cannot attend with them, and they still get angry and hateful.  Even after simple Scripture is shown to them, they still get angry.  Do you have any advice on a better way to handle something like this?

Sincerely,
Son-in-Outlaw

Dear Son-in-Outlaw,

Your problem is shared by many faithful christians around the world.  Jesus said it best, “A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.” (Mark 6:4).  Family is the absolute hardest to make an impact with.  Jesus’ own family mocked His religious choices (Jhn 7:5).  You are making the right stand by not bending your morals for the sake of family (Matt 10:37).  As long as you are giving a kind, loving, and biblical answer to their requests, you are doing well.  It may very well be your uncompromising example that eventually peaks their interest.  After all, if they are so interested in sharing your spirituality, you can always invite them to visit your church or have a family Bible study together.