I have a question about “honor your father and your mother”.  Some parents seem to use this as a weapon when kids are not listening to their parents or misbehaving.  I seem to get different meanings of what this really means.  I do thank you for your time.  God bless!

Sincerely,
Ain’t Misbehavin’

Dear Ain’t Misbehavin’,

Children are told to honor their father and mother at all ages (Eph 6:2-3). The word ‘honor’ means ‘to esteem highly’.  Parents deserve respect and kind treatment from their offspring.  As parents reach old age, children show honor by caring for their parents’ needs (Matt 15:4-6).  Until independent adulthood, honoring your parents is shown through respectful obedience (Eph 6:1).  No Scripture should ever be wielded “as a weapon”, but regardless of how the verse is used, that is what it means.

I am a saved person and believe that Jesus died for my sins, and now I am saved and love my Lord.  I have been married to my husband for five years, and his children have treated me with hatred and contempt.  My husband is a christian, can lay on hands, and speak in tongues.  But instead of stopping their bad behavior, he lets them continue, and he says their behavior is my fault.  I do not smile or have joy, only if I’m in church.  My question is: can I commit suicide and still go to heaven?  Just can’t take much more days of crying and hurt.

Sincerely,
Not A Wicked Stepmother

Dear Not A Wicked Stepmother,

Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

The only reason we here at AYP hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” is because God never specifically makes that statement.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

There is always a way of escape from the temptation to sin (1 Cor 10:13).  There are other options, and there is help.  If you’d like someone in your area to help you through your struggle and the conflicting messages you are receiving, we would be happy find a faithful congregation in your area to help bring you comfort and truth.  Please don’t give up hope.

The Lord does provide relief through His Word (Acts 20:32).  From what you have said about speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, etc. – we fear that you may not be getting the full picture of what the Lord’s will is for His church and family (1 Tim 3:15).  We know of many preachers across the country ready and willing to help people like yourself come to a more complete understanding of the Lord’s ways.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like a preacher from your area to contact you.

I have a sensitive question that has a lot of varying answers, but I came across this site and decided to ask yet another religious and spiritual person.  Please try to answer as honestly as you can.

I had a cousin a little while back who committed suicide.  She was young (only 16) and not outwardly depressed or upset.  She left a long note for her mother, apologizing and trying to explain herself.  She was scared of what her future would hold, and her decision came with a lot of conscious struggle.  She left us all behind, confused and worried for her.  What would happen to someone like her in the afterlife? I know that God has the final say, but is suicide a sin?

ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
The girl in question wasn’t an overly religious person (didn’t attend church regularly), but she did believe in God, Jesus, and the afterlife.  She prayed every morning and often claimed to have a “connection” with God when she needed Him.  Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,
Sad Cousin

Dear Sad Cousin,

Suicide is a painful topic, and we are so sorry for your loss.  There are two things to consider when looking at what God says about a sixteen-year-old committing suicide.

1. Is suicide a sin?
2. How accountable does God hold someone of that age for their actions?

Question one is fairly straightforward – suicide is a sin.  Suicide is a form of murder, and murder is wrong (1 Jn 3:15).  What is so scary about suicide is that it is a form of murder that allows no opportunity for repentance (Heb 9:27).  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but it would be a very perilous thing to face God with your own blood on your hands.

Question number two is a lot trickier.  Children are not held accountable for their choices in the same way that adults are.  King David’s son died at infancy, and David knew that his son was in heaven (2 Sam 12:23).  Children are given as examples of godliness (Lk 18:17).  Paul uses the immaturity of children as an example (1 Cor 13:11).  At some point, children transition to being adults, and they become accountable for their own behavior… but that happens at different times for different kids.  Everyone understands that a five-year-old is a child and that a twenty-five-year-old is an adult; it is the ages in between that get fuzzier.  Sixteen is an age that sits squarely in the gray area.  Only God, who knows our hearts (Lk 16:15), could properly judge where your cousin’s maturity level was.  If she was still considered a child in the eyes of God, she will be in heaven – God doesn’t make mistakes; He will properly decide.  May God give you comfort in your time of grief for the loss of your loved one.

Hi, I lied to my dad a few times about drinking twisted tea, having a facebook (I deleted my facebook), why I came home from school late (because I had a detention, and I told him I was checking my grades), etc. – but I don’t want to admit to him that I lied because he’s verbally abusive.  Do I have to admit to my dad that I lied to him???  Am I lying to him by not admitting that I lied before?

Sincerely,
Troubled Kid

Dear Troubled Kid,

You lied to your father, and you need to ask for his forgiveness.  Part of repentance is asking forgiveness (Lk 17:4).  It is unfortunate that your relationship with your father is so unhealthy, but regardless of how he acts, you have a responsibility to do what is right (Matt 16:24).  Your conscience is obviously bothered by hiding these lies… it is time to clear that conscience (Acts 24:16).  May God bless you in your courage to put truth first in your life.

I was watching a History Channel documentary about God vs. Satan, and my dad asked me if I believed in all of that stuff like the rapture.  I said, “Yes.”  He said it was a bunch of garbage and asked my mom what she thought.  She thought it was made up, too.  This really disappointed me to find out that my parents are not true believers and don’t believe everything in the Bible.  I am very sad.  What is the right thing to do?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Disappointed Kid

Dear Disappointed Kid,

We don’t believe in the rapture either… but we do believe in everything the Bible says.  To clear up the misunderstanding about the Rapture, we recommend you read “Premillenialism” and “Tripping Over Tribulations”… if you want even more in-depth study on the subject, listen to our series on the book of Revelation.

However, that particular issue sounds like more of a side issue than your real problem.  If we understand you correctly, you are wondering what to do to try and bring the truth of God’s Word to your parents.

It is never easy to touch the hearts of our relatives; even Jesus said that He received respect everywhere but his hometown and household (Mk 6:4).  All you can do is let your light shine (Matt 5:16), be prepared with answers when questions are asked (1 Pet 3:15), and be unafraid to stand firm by your morals.  Jesus made a great impact as a child by asking humble questions at opportune moments (Lk 2:46).  Honor your parents and never be rude or disrespectful (Eph 6:2), but a kindly asked question about why they believe what they do can challenge their current worldview.

I belong to a rather large family.  Like with many families, my family has the ‘A’ side and the ‘B’ side.  In other words, one part of the family thinks very little of the other part of the family.  I happen to be on the ‘B’ side, the one that is looked down upon.  The ‘A’ side has begun organizing a family reunion.  Experience has taught me that they take our kindness for weakness.  They have us bring an obscene amount of food each event, they bring little or nothing, and then they dictate how the food will be disbursed.  There is always conflict.  I know this all sounds silly, but I would like to avoid the foolishness this year.  Would it be wrong of me (in the eyes of God) to send my portion to the reunion, but not attend?

Sincerely,
Fed Up… But Hungry

Dear Fed Up… But Hungry,

Whether or not you go to your family reunion is a matter of preference and wisdom, but it isn’t a sin issue.  God tells us that we must honor our father and mother (Eph 6:2), but that requirement does not extend to the rest of your relatives.  You must always be kind and decent to everyone (1 Thess 3:12), but that doesn’t mean you need to go to every shindig that your family puts together.  Jesus recognized that family ties often are the most difficult (Matt 13:55-57).  Jesus’ brothers were some of the last to believe He was the Messiah (John 7:5).  There were times where even Christ had a strained relationship with his family members.  The key is to be faithful to God and loving to others at all times (Matt 22:37-39).  Avoid bitterness at all costs (Eph 4:31) and seek to prayerfully do what is wise (Jas 1:5).  There is no right or wrong choice in this circumstance… only right and wrong attitudes.