Why is it that I’m a very good people-person, and I had friends, but I’m only twenty-seven and a mom and a wife, and I have no friends.  I see so many other married moms with close friends; why is life not letting me have friends?  All the friends I had have betrayed me in some sinful ways, so I stay away, and some just came in my life, and when they find new friends, I’m just a memory to them.  This problem is hurting my heart and soul so bad; I feel like I’m worthless (not as a mom and wife, but as a person to friends); have I missed something?  Or am I not getting something?  Please help.

Sincerely,
A Broken Wing

Dear A Broken Wing,

We can’t tell you exactly why you have no friends, but we can promise that you will be blessed because you removed yourself from sinful relationships.  God tells us that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  You made it clear that you’ve separated yourself from those who are bad company, and anytime that we heed God’s warnings, greater blessings are eventually on their way.

Being a wife and a mother is one of the most honorable and godly things that you can do with your life (read the story of the worthy woman in Proverbs 31).  The more you strive to be a friend to others and an example of love in your family, the more joy you will find.  The greatest blessing of friendship is in the giving (Acts 20:35, Pr 17:17).  Speak kindly, show purity of heart, and God promises that friendships will eventually bloom (Pr 22:11).  Life rarely takes the turns we expect, but, in the end, God causes all things to work together for good (Rom 8:28).

I am a believer.  Unfortunately, I hang out with lost people and have a tendency to do what they do (drink, etc.).  I feel God drawing me closer to Him.  I have a very wounded heart from the past.  Here is my question: will God in one form or another take people He does not want me to be around out of my life since I can’t seem to do it on my own?

In the last month, I have had a falling out with three of these people, and it wasn’t my doing.  Please explain; thanks.

Sincerely,
Too Friendly

Dear Too Friendly,

The Lord helps those who make decisions to put Him first.  God won’t magically remove all the temptations from your life, but He will make sure you are never tempted beyond what you are able (1 Cor 10:13).  God promises that the struggles of this life can be resisted… and there is an expectation that you will do that.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  As you expressed, unhealthy relationships will destroy your soul like rust destroys iron.

God promises that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us (Jas 4:8).  As you make decisions to purify your life and build healthy relationships, God will reward you for those decisions.

Hi.  While my faith has recently been shaky, I’m happy to say that I am a whole-hearted believer in God.  My closest friend, however, is far from that which is something I’ve started to question God about.

She is very intelligent, especially in the sciences.  Actually, to be honest, we both are rather gifted in that area which is probably what brought us together.  But the most important thing that separates us is that she doesn’t believe in God, and she has a lot of scientific evidence to back up her opinion.  I have my evidence too, but whenever the subject comes up, she refuses to talk about it, saying she’s concerned she’ll ruin my faith.  How do I reach out to a person like this?  It hurts me so much to see her live out her life with obvious gaps that only God can fill.

Any suggestions on how to direct my friend to the Lord without ruining our friendship?  She has developed something against religion recently, saying that it’s just a tool used through history to give people power and reason to kill.  This really bothers me, but again, the friendship is so important to me, and I don’t want to lose it.  At the same time, her salvation is also at least that important to me.  Thanks, and God bless.

Sincerely,
A Proven Friend

Dear A Proven Friend,

You are obviously dealing with a very intelligent person who has formed her own opinions… but without all the data.  What we normally do when studying with someone like this is to hand them a couple of books and tell them we would like to hear their thoughts after they are finished reading.  That has a two-fold effect:

1. It takes all wrangling over words out of the picture because it isn’t an argument anymore… they are simply reading.
2. It shows you how serious they are about pursuing the subject.  If it is important, they will read and get back to you, but if it isn’t important, the subject will just get dropped.  Either way, you can have a clear conscience that you tried to help.

In this circumstance, we recommend “Evidence That Demands A Verdict” by Josh McDowell (this book should address much of the argument of the Bible being used as a tool to hurt others).  We also recommend “Case For A Creator” by Lee Strobel to deal with the scientific arguments and “Has God Spoken?” by A.O. Schnabel (which addresses the internal evidence of the Bible’s supernatural origins).  That is our recommendation on the topic… less confrontation and more information.

Recently, my friend and I promised each other that if we saw the other turning away from God, we would speak up.  Basically, we promised to be each other’s support system and to encourage each other in God.  But I found out a few weeks ago that she has been sleeping with her boyfriend and some other similar things.  I would speak up, but she doesn’t know I know because both her boyfriend and sister told me on accident; they thought she would have told me.  I know she is avoiding honesty because she thinks I will scold her and be disappointed.  I admit, I am disappointed, but I just wish she would be honest with me.  How do I handle this?  I don’t want to cause fights by revealing to her who told me, but I want to be able to help her.  What do I do?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend

Dear A Concerned Friend,

If you know that a fellow christian is living a sinful life, you have a moral obligation to do something about it.  Christ says that we should privately confront one another (Matt 18:15).  If she repents, you have saved her soul (Jas 5:20).  Make it clear that you have honest and loving concern for her (2 Thess 3:14-15).  It is an act of love to entreat a fellow christian to turn from sin (1 Jn 3:18).  No matter how you came by the information, you have a responsibility to try and save your sister.

Is it appropriate for a pastor of a church to restrict a congregation member from working in the ministry with an associate pastor (of the opposite sex) because of people’s perception of their friendship?

Sincerely,
Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

Without dealing with the issue of titles like ‘associate pastor’ (please read “Switching Departments” for more details on church leadership), let’s see if we can break down your question.  Is it appropriate for an elder/pastor to restrict a man and a woman from working closely together in the church because they are giving too intimate of a “vibe” to everyone else?  Yes.  In fact, it is the elders’ job to protect your reputation and your souls from bad situations (Heb 13:17).  Included in Heb 13:17 is the fact that you should trust their judgment and realize that whether you see it or not, there is something unhealthy about your current relationship.  1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 lay out the qualifications for becoming a pastor/elder.  One of those qualifications is sober-mindedness.  An elder is an older man that has proven that he has experience and wisdom to offer.  If he is saying that your friendship has the form and appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:2)… take him seriously.

As a christian, if someone thinks I have done them wrong, and they tell me I own them an apology, and I tell them I have nothing to be sorry for – at first, I thought I had done wrong, but others said I didn’t do wrong; this person refuses to put it in the past and let it go without an apology.  I am a young christian and now feel I did nothing wrong, and I refuse to apologize.  Am I wrong in doing this?

Sincerely,
Where’s The Wrong?

Dear Where’s The Wrong,

With all do respect, your refusal to offer any type of apology is probably showing your youth.  Paul tells us to “as much as it depends on us” seek peace (Rom 12:18).  Jesus says that we should turn the other cheek and go the extra mile (Matt 5:39-41).  Whether you actually did something wrong is irrelevant; you can still apologize for having hurt the person’s feelings.  Being the bigger person isn’t easy, but it is part of the lifestyle Christ has called us to.  Jesus tells us to love even our enemies (Lk 6:35).  Who knows… maybe your kindness and olive branch of peace will soften the heart of the other person (Rom 12:20).