A close friend of mine is a devout Christian.  She has Type 1 diabetes, but beyond taking insulin to stay alive, she ignores the health care system totally.  She has medical insurance; I think she’s trusting her health to God almost 100%.  Does the Word of God sanctify this?  I know faith in God is important, but I am concerned…

Sincerely,
Troubled Friend

Dear Troubled Friend,

If your question is whether or not a Christian is allowed to use doctors and medicine, the answer is ‘yes’.  Paul told Timothy to take wine medicinally for a sick stomach (1 Tim 5:23), and Jas 5:14 describes the elders praying and using oil, a common general ointment, when someone is sick.  God told mankind to take dominion of this world and use it for our good – this includes the creation and use of medicine (Gen 1:26).  Using medicine is not in opposition to having faith in God.  As for how much and when each individual should use medicine, that is up to each person’s discretion and wisdom.

    I’ve always known He created us for His glory, and giving us free will allows us an opportunity to do that by choosing His will for our lives.  I just don’t know how to relate to my friend in a way that she understands and accepts.  Got any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Fumbling Friend

Dear Fumbling Friend,

You might try talking about the definition of ‘perfect’ with your friend.  ‘Perfect’ means ‘complete’ or ‘having all the desirable and required elements’.  Perfect doesn’t mean that something can’t be broken or fail.  A car engine can be in perfect condition, and yet, if you don’t put oil in it – it will break.  A house can be perfectly constructed and still be destroyed by an earthquake.  When God made Adam and Eve, He made them without defect (Gen 1:31).  They were made exactly as He intended them – in His image (Gen 1:26).  Adam and Eve were designed with eternal souls and the ability to choose their own destiny.  They were perfectly designed with the free will to choose to love God or to choose to rebel against Him.  In fact, if mankind were designed so that it would be impossible for them to sin – they wouldn’t have free will.  God has given us the great gift of choice, and it is up to us what we do with it (Deut 30:19).  God could have made us without the freedom to choose, but then we wouldn’t be “in His image”… we would be automatons.  If every parent had the choice between having a child that may break their heart or purchasing a robot that would obey their every command… well, the choice is obvious.  A robot is no replacement for a child.

     I have a friend who, back in January, was possessed by a demon; she growled on the phone with me once, I hung up, I got a message from ‘her’, and I get scared from the memory!  I pray to God every night, and my faith is true.  I ask Him to keep my family, friends, and I safe forever; will He?  I just want a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ because I don’t want to be attacked by a demon.

Sincerely,
On The Defensive

Dear On The Defensive,

Evil spirits are real, but they were cast out and their powers greatly reduced by Christ and the apostles.  Demon possession ended not long after the days of Christ.  Jesus made it clear that one of His jobs was to bind the devil and take His strength away by casting out his demons (Matt 12:28-29).  When Jesus’ disciples had come back from their evangelism trips and related to Him that they had cast out many demons, Jesus told them that they were defeating Satan by getting rid of Satan’s demonic minions (Lk 10:17-18).  When Jesus and His disciples cast out demons, they did it permanently (Lk 8:30-33) and bound Satan by their acts.  We no longer have to deal with such overt attacks by the devil because he has been bound by Christ’s sacrifice (Rev. 20:2).  Demon possession no longer exists; the devil must use subtler methods to deceive us now.

     First, I want to say God bless all of you for taking the time to serve and feed us the truth about God’s Word.  All this information has been good for my soul.  I’m in a church where truly I’m not being fed; I’m more connected to the people.  My heart cries out for the people to desire, hunger, thirst, and truly be on fire for God.  To make this short, it’s like my spirit is hungry for more.  It’s like people are just going through the motions.

Sincerely,
I Love The People

Dear I Love The People,

Your question brings up a fundamental issue – why do we go to church?  Is it for the people?  Or is there more to a “good” church than just finding people you like to spend time with?

The Bible says that we have a responsibility to assemble with other christians (Heb 10:24-25), but it also says that we need to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Php 2:12).  Christianity isn’t a team sport – we are each responsible for our own relationship with God, and we are each responsible for holding to the truth of God’s Word for ourselves.  Faith is built upon the truth of the Bible (Rom 10:17), and if you are at a congregation that doesn’t feed you the truth, it doesn’t matter how chummy you all are with each other.  Good people are a blessing, but truth always trumps friendships.

      I have a friend at work that has raised a thought to ponder I have never heard of:

1. If Jesus Christ wrote any part of the New Testament, my friend speculated that those writings were destroyed.
2. If Jesus Christ did not write down any part of the New Testament (other than in the sand), then my friend’s question was: “Why not?” and are there any passages that answer that question?

Sincerely,
Caught Off Guard

Dear Caught Off Guard,

What your friend is doing is bringing up a hypothetical assertion and expecting you to disprove it.  That is the exact opposite of how the Bible works.  If someone wants to assert that Jesus wrote a part of the New Testament and that Jesus’ writings were later destroyed, he must come with evidence to back up such a claim.  The responsibility is on him to prove that point.

As far as why Jesus never wrote part of the New Testament, anything we say would be purely speculation.

     I understand that all spiritual gifts are no longer needed and have ceased; I understand why.  But a question came up with a Pentecostal friend that I need a little help with.  What is the scripture that explains to us that God chooses to no longer speak to people directly?  And what would be a good way to explain why He does not speak to people outside the Bible?

Sincerely,
Trying To Help

Dear Trying To Help,

There are several places that you can go to explain this concept to your Pentecostal friend.  Here are a few verses to show them:

1. We are told that the Bible contains everything we need to know concerning life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3).  If the Bible tells us everything we need to know, we don’t need anything else.
2. The Bible tells us that we shouldn’t add or subtract from God’s Word (Rev 22:18-19).  A vision or prophecy given to an individual would do exactly that.  If a “vision” says more than the Bible, we don’t need it, and if it says the same thing as the Bible, we don’t need it.
3. Heb 1:1-2 says that God used to speak to mankind through many diverse methods, but today He has spoken to us through His Son.  Jesus’ Word is now our only guide.
4. Jude 1:3 says that we have the Word of God handed down “once and for all”.  God has finished providing revelation to us.
5. The silver bullet verses are 1 Cor 13:8-9, but it is a little lengthier discussion to handle all of the arguments in that verse.  We recommend you read “Incomplete Understanding” for a complete breakdown of the 1 Cor 13:8-9 argument.

The long and the short of it is that prophecy was needed until the Bible was complete, but now that we have everything God wanted us to know, prophecy has ceased.

Hi.  I have a huge longing to repent and change my life.  One of the things holding me back is that I am afraid that if I take this new road that I will have to admit to people (that I love dearly) all the injustices I committed towards them, and this will hurt them dearly and for sure cause our relationships to deteriorate.  Is this part of the forgiveness process?  Is it a question of forgiving myself and asking God for forgiveness, or will I have to admit my sin to those that it might hurt?

Thank you and I hope that you can help.

Sincerely,
Ashamed

Dear Ashamed,

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 Jn 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.  Now, it is also important to remember that confessing your sins is only part of the process of becoming a christian – if you have not yet done the five steps God gives us to become a christian, we recommend you read “Five Steps To Salvation“.

I was wondering if it should be counted as wrong if you are a christian and believe in heaven but use words that are considered bad on Earth.  I’m just confused because some of my christian friends use those words.

Sincerely,
Higher Vocabulary

Dear Higher Vocabulary,

Your friends are wrong for using foul language, and just because they call themselves christians doesn’t mean they can say whatever they want.  Eph 4:29 tells us to avoid all corrupt speech.  We need to avoid any and all language that sounds filthy or derogatory – this would include all swear words.

I have a friend who believes he has been given a responsibility from God and a desire from God, but they conflict, and he doesn’t know what to do.  I told him that one of them probably is not from God because God will not send us conflicting information.  Can you help me find some verses to help him?

Sincerely,
Wires Crossed

Dear Wires Crossed,

If we want to know God’s desire for our life, we must use the Bible to get our instructions.  Faith comes from the Word (Rom 10:17), and the Bible contains all the information we need for life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3).  If we want to understand what God wants for us, we can find the truth in the sum of His Word (Ps 119:160).  Prophecies and visions are no longer given to people directly (1 Cor 13:8).  Instead, God speaks to us through the teachings of His Son (Heb 1:1).  It is normal for our emotions and desires to send us conflicting messages; that is exactly why God tells us to not trust ourselves (Pr 3:5).  Tell your friend to trust God’s Word, and it will be a lamp to his feet (Ps 119:105).

I work with a co-worker who claims to be an atheist.  There are a myriad of apologetic books that speak to these types of people and their claims.  However, I would like to seek your insights on how to best reason with this person.  In the process of talking with him, he has actually asked me to share Scriptures of encouragement that he could share with his girlfriend.  I have bought him his first Bible, Bible Dictionary, and a pamphlet on how to study the Bible, which he was moved by and gladly received.  I also offered to study with him, but he has not yet accepted my offer.  Still, he needs to be convinced that God is real and that we did not get here by accident.  Is there a simple format or practical approach I can use?

Sincerely,
Theist

Dear Theist,

Ironically, one of the best places to start with an atheist is to discuss their faith.  The relationship you mentioned sounds like it is a “talk when we can” sort of situation, and so it can be hard to cover anything in a systematic, step-by-step way.  Lord willing, you will eventually be able to have a sit-down class with this individual, but until then, you are really just trying to get him thinking about how important this issue is.

In the past, we have talked with our atheist friends about their faith, and it can really jar their eyes open.  Most atheists believe they don’t have faith, but this simply isn’t true.  An atheist cannot prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no God any more than you or I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is.  At some point, both the atheist and the theist have faith.  Faith is an inevitable element of life.  Anytime you trust something you can’t see, it is an act of faith (Heb 11:1).  When we take an aspirin, we have faith that it isn’t laced with arsenic.  When we drive, we have faith that the traffic light is telling the other lanes to stop when it tells us to go.  We visit restaurants because we have faith in the recommendation our friend gave us, and we buy houses based on our faith in the home inspector’s report.  Everyone lives by faith – this is an important aspect of life.  If your atheist friend had no faith, he couldn’t function in life.

This is a great place to start because when an atheist realizes that they already live by faith, you can begin to discuss the fact that faith is based off of evidence.  We believe in God because we have been given enough evidence that we can reasonably believe in His existence.  Read “Does God Exist?” for a basic list of evidences.  When an atheist begins to view their life as a life of faith, it changes the discussion from “science vs. religion” to “which faith do I choose?”.  In our humble opinion, this is a good, practical place to start.

I have gay friends; should I avoid them since it is a sin to be homosexual?  I feel God brings people into our lives for a reason; I don’t hide my religion or beliefs from them, but God has taught me to be accepting of all people.

Sincerely,
Friend To All

Dear Friend To All,

Christians are constantly trying to strike the balance between being lights to the world (Matt 5:14) and keeping themselves pure and undefiled from the world’s influences (Jas 1:27).  As long as we live on this planet, we will have trials (Jhn 16:33).  It is a fine line between being an influence and being corrupted by the world.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  It isn’t wrong to befriend someone who is living a homosexual lifestyle, just like it isn’t wrong to befriend someone who lies or uses bad language… but we must always be guarded in our relationships with those outside of Christ (2 Cor 6:14).  The Lord loves people but hates sin.  You should show love for these people in your life but still abhor their sinful choices (after all, those sins are destroying their souls!).  If you can influence a person for good, then do so.  If they are corrupting you and keeping you from being the best christian you can be, begin to distance yourself (Gal 5:1).  You may even deem it appropriate to tell the person why you are distancing yourself (1 Pet 3:15).  Maybe, just maybe, they will change if they are made aware of what their choices are costing them.

I am a member of Christ’s church (as was established in 33 AD).  I agree with all of the answers that you have given in this app, and I think it is a wonderful way of spreading God’s Word.  My question is one that was brought to me by a friend that I was studying with recently.  He is a sincere person and not a person that would make up stories that are false.  The story he told me put me in a bind because I have no clue how to explain that his imagination is getting the best of him without hurting his feelings.  He informed me that he had a dream that some voice said, “God has Satan by the snout.”  He then woke up and felt as though someone was grabbing his face and pressing his head sideways, and he could not move his body.  He says that he whispered Christ’s name, and the feeling went away, and he could once again move.  He is thoroughly convinced that he was physically attacked by a demon.  Please help me; I know what I believe on the subject but have no clue how to start explaining.  Most of all, I want to explain with God’s Word and as little of my own words as possible.

Sincerely,
In A Bind

Dear In A Bind,

It is always tricky to give an answer to someone who tells you, “I’m just sure I saw this or that!”… when you know it isn’t possible, but you don’t want to offend them.  We’ve been in the same predicament ourselves on many occasions, and ultimately, we try and do what you are doing – just point people toward the pertinent verses.  So here are some verses that you might bring up with your friend:

1. Jesus stopped the demons from having the ability to attack people or possess them.  In Matt 12:24-29, Jesus says that He came and “bound the strong man” (in reference to Satan) by casting out the demons.  When Jesus cast the demons out of people – He cast them out of people for good.  A good example of this is when Jesus cast the legion of demons out, and they begged to be cast into the pigs… this tells you Jesus not only cast demons out, He bound their future abilities at the same time (Mk 5:11-13).
2. When demons were cast out, it was considered a great victory over Satan.  Jesus gave seventy of His disciples authority to cast out demons, and when they returned to Him after visiting many cities, they rejoiced that they had cast many demons out (Lk 10:17).  Jesus answered their joy by telling them that Satan was falling because of their work (Lk 10:18).  In short, demon possession was becoming a thing of the past.
3. Regardless of how your friend feels about this particular incident, the key concept that you are trying to convey to him is that our faith needs to be based off of Scripture… not personal experience.  A key verse on this topic is Rom 10:17 – “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God”.  Our salvation is dependent upon what the Bible says, not our own personal feelings and experiences which differ for each of us.

Hopefully, this is of some help to you.  You will have to decide when, where, and how to bring the topic up, but those verses are where we would start.

We are born-again christians who have been invited to a wedding ceremony led by a shaman.  The groom believes in Buddhism.  The bride is going along for the ride since she does not practice her christian faith.  I know that, at times, we should hate the sin but love the sinner.  Should we go?  Is it against our faith to do so?

Sincerely,
Wedding Guests

Dear Wedding Guests,

It is not inherently wrong to go to a wedding that involves false religion.  If it were a Catholic wedding, you probably would go, and they are just as wrong as the shaman.  Having said that, this wedding probably feels worse because the ceremony doesn’t even pretend to call on the name of Christ.  This is an issue of wisdom, and you will have to prayerfully make the decision for yourselves after considering the following Bible principles:

1. You should never do anything against your conscience.  Your conscience is that part of you that makes you feel bad if you do what you think is wrong, and it makes you feel good if you do what you think is right.  Your conscience isn’t always correct, but we are told to always strive for a pure conscience (2 Tim 1:3, 1 Tim 1:5).  Even if you know that you can go to this wedding, if you can’t feel good about it – you shouldn’t go.
2. It is also important to consider your influence.  Do you believe you will make more of an impact with the couple by going to the wedding or by refusing to go?  Matt 5:16 says that we should let our light shine, so others may see our good works and glorify God.  You mentioned that the bride is an apathetic believer… would making a stand show her that she needs to deal with her faith (or lack thereof)?  It may be that not going will burn bridges, or it might be that it will start a dialogue… only you can decide which is the right course.
3. Do you believe that going to this wedding would show that you approve of their religious views?  God tells us to never become partners with idolatry (2 Cor 6:14-16).  There is a distinction between attending a wedding and participating in its religious sentiments; it is a fine line but one that you must consider.  Are you supposed to be in the wedding?  Will they be asking you to partake in some sort of Buddhist rituals?  These are questions worth asking.  In fact, asking the bride and groom about the details of the wedding may be the way to have the dialogue you are hoping for.

All in all, these principles can help you to make a decision that is faithful to the Lord, your conscience, and your influence in the world.

I’m in a little bit of a dilemma.  I have a couple of friends who I love to death, but lately, I have been having second thoughts about them.  They’re both seventeen years old and are already drinking quite a bit.  One of them is a pretty heavy smoker, and both of them smoke weed and get high when they aren’t hanging out with me.  The heavy smoker also has sex a lot with a guy who doesn’t even want a relationship with her.  Neither of them go to church, nor do they have the slightest interest in going, and whenever I try to talk about it, they start cussing about church.  When they’re around me, they don’t drink, don’t smoke, try hard not to swear, and respect that I’m not into all of that stuff.  Like I said already, I love them to death.  They’re two of my best friends and have been since middle school.  I was hanging out with them the other day and kind of started thinking they weren’t the best people to be hanging out with.  I am a member of the church of Christ, and I was wondering if you could help me out with what I should do.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Keeping Questionable Company

Dear Keeping Questionable Company,

When friendships begin to fall apart, it is a very painful thing, and that is why you are struggling right now.  Your life has taken a different course than theirs.  Your life is built on a different foundation, and those differences become more prominent the older you get.  You are at a crossroads and need to make a decision.  Here are some things to consider:

1. You may have heard the verse – “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Cor 15:33).  Right now, your friends are showing a certain level of respect for your spiritual and moral values, but that is changing.  As you said, they mock church and God and try not to swear (which means they do swear some of the time).  The more they continue to live ungodly lifestyles, the more that behavior will seep in.  If you continue to spend time with them, that behavior will influence you no matter how strong you are.  Solomon was the wisest man on the planet, and bad company turned him into an idolater (1 Kgs 11:4).  If it can happen to Solomon, it can happen to any of us.
2. You have tried to help them, but they aren’t interested.  It is a good thing for christians to befriend unbelievers and try to make a difference in their lives… Jesus did this (Matt 9:10).  However, when someone shows no interest in spiritual things, it is time to shake the dust off your feet – no matter how hard that may be.  Jesus said it best when He warned, “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before the swine lest they trample them under their feet and turn and rend you.” (Matt 7:6).
3. God tells us to obey our consciences… and your conscience is telling you something right now (Acts 24:16).  Your conscience is a gift from God.  Your conscience makes you feel bad when you are doing something you believe is wrong.  God tells us to always have a clear conscience (2 Tim 1:3).  Listen to your conscience; it is right on the money with this issue.

These verses don’t make it easy for you to make an exit from these friendships, but hopefully, that gives you some comfort that you will be doing the right thing.  What a blessing that the church has people like you that love the Lord even when it means making difficult decisions.

I know a person dealing with depression and bisexuality.  I need help on what to tell them on their path to the right way.

Sincerely,
An Encouraging Friend

Dear An Encouraging Friend,

We won’t pretend to be able to give you an entire lesson in counseling in a single post.  AskYourPreacher is simply not a good forum for that.  However, we can give you a few Bible verses that might be of comfort to your friend.

1. 1 Cor 6:9-11 points out that many christians have had the same struggles and problems… and they successfully conquered them.
2. Mk 10:27 says that all things are possible with God.
3. Some of the greatest people of the Bible have dealt with great sorrow and depression – read our post “I’ve Got The Joy, Joy, Joy” for examples.
4. A faithful congregation can make a huge difference in someone’s life because each member helps to strengthen the other members (Eph 4:16).  Encourage your friend to start attending a faithful church – we can help you find one for them (e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org).

I have a friend who unexpectedly passed away a few weeks ago.  He collapsed, went into a seizure, had a heart attack, and finally entered a coma — all within minutes.  This was all due to a brainstem leak which was inoperable.  He had no brain or body organ activity.  He was taken off life support after four days.

He was not a christian as far as I know.  He was involved in sin (living with his girlfriend who is currently pregnant, drinking, cussing, etc., and his girlfriend is married to another man… although I’m not sure if he knew this as this was a new relationship for him, and it’s all come out since his passing) when he passed away.

My question is: do you think he had a chance to make it to heaven?

We on the outside look at collapsing as happening within a second or two; although, people that talk about death experiences, talk about “their life flashing before their eyes.”  Do you think, by chance, in the person’s mind as they are dying everything becomes slow motion?  Although, we looking from the outside look at it as a second or two?  That God allows their mind enough time to repent when we don’t see that time?  What about being in a coma?  Could that be their moment?  As far as I know, doctors don’t really know what’s going on inside you while in a coma.

I hope this makes sense.  I am broken because, as a christian, I know what the Bible says about going to heaven, but I also know God doesn’t want anyone to perish, and He is a God full of grace and many chances.  I don’t believe the Bible says anything about this subject (or does it?), but what are your thoughts?  Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Clinging To Hope

Dear Clinging To Hope,

There is absolutely no way to tell what happens in someone’s mind in the last moments near death.  What we can tell you is that God doesn’t make mistakes.  We can find comfort that God doesn’t desire anyone to perish, but for all of us to come to repentance (2 Pet 3:9).  Anyone that goes to hell will go there because they chose to be there in spite of God reaching out to them throughout life.  No one accidentally ends up in hell, and no one accidentally ends up in heaven.  Our lives dictate our eternal future.  We can’t tell you the eternal future of your friend – Christ is the judge of the living and the dead (2 Tim 4:1).  We can tell you that we are so very sorry for your loss and that a sudden death is extremely painful.  Our prayers are with you in this time of grief.  We can also tell you that the only way to know for sure that we are going to heaven is to do what God says it takes to get there.  Read our article “What Must I Do To Be Saved?” for yourself, and then decide for yourself where you feel your friend stands in relation to the Bible’s teachings.  Ultimately, God doesn’t make mistakes – if your friend is meant to be in heaven, he will be.

Hi.  My grandmother does hoodoo; I know the name after researching the things she owns.  Is she going to hell; is hoodoo a sin?  The biggest thing is that she is a christian, a very godly woman; she attends church every Sunday and even gives one hundred dollars every month.

Sincerely,
Grandma Grief

Dear Grandma Grief,

Hoodoo is wrong and is a warping of the Scriptures.  Hoodoo is a term used for those who use the Bible like a magic spell book and protective talisman.  Instead of treating the Bible like an instruction book for life (which is the right attitude – 2 Pet 1:3, Rom 1:16, Rom 10:17), Hoodoo treats the Bible like a lucky rabbit’s foot.  If you open to the right Psalm or the read the proper verse at the proper time, you will be given special protection, health, or powers.  This is totally opposite of what the Bible teaches.  In fact, during the days of Paul, there were exorcists that tried this tactic.  A group of Jewish exorcists saw that Paul had power from God, so they tried to talk and act like Paul in order to receive the same powers Paul had… it didn’t work (Acts 19:13-16).  The Bible isn’t a tool to gain magical powers; it is a pattern for living (2 Tim 1:13).  No matter how much money your grandmother gives and how regularly she attends services, this practice is sinful.

I did something to a friend years ago.  How do I get up the courage to apologize?

Sincerely,
Secretly Sorry

Dear Secretly Sorry,

Courage comes from knowing that you are doing the right thing.  When we build our lives and choices on a good foundation, we can find peace through the storms of life (Matt 7:24-27).  The truth sets us free (Jhn 8:32).  Asking for forgiveness is the right thing to do (Jas 5:16); you know it is the right thing to do (Jas 4:17), and in the end, you will be happy that you did.

Why is it that I’m a very good people-person, and I had friends, but I’m only twenty-seven and a mom and a wife, and I have no friends.  I see so many other married moms with close friends; why is life not letting me have friends?  All the friends I had have betrayed me in some sinful ways, so I stay away, and some just came in my life, and when they find new friends, I’m just a memory to them.  This problem is hurting my heart and soul so bad; I feel like I’m worthless (not as a mom and wife, but as a person to friends); have I missed something?  Or am I not getting something?  Please help.

Sincerely,
A Broken Wing

Dear A Broken Wing,

We can’t tell you exactly why you have no friends, but we can promise that you will be blessed because you removed yourself from sinful relationships.  God tells us that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  You made it clear that you’ve separated yourself from those who are bad company, and anytime that we heed God’s warnings, greater blessings are eventually on their way.

Being a wife and a mother is one of the most honorable and godly things that you can do with your life (read the story of the worthy woman in Proverbs 31).  The more you strive to be a friend to others and an example of love in your family, the more joy you will find.  The greatest blessing of friendship is in the giving (Acts 20:35, Pr 17:17).  Speak kindly, show purity of heart, and God promises that friendships will eventually bloom (Pr 22:11).  Life rarely takes the turns we expect, but, in the end, God causes all things to work together for good (Rom 8:28).

I am a believer.  Unfortunately, I hang out with lost people and have a tendency to do what they do (drink, etc.).  I feel God drawing me closer to Him.  I have a very wounded heart from the past.  Here is my question: will God in one form or another take people He does not want me to be around out of my life since I can’t seem to do it on my own?

In the last month, I have had a falling out with three of these people, and it wasn’t my doing.  Please explain; thanks.

Sincerely,
Too Friendly

Dear Too Friendly,

The Lord helps those who make decisions to put Him first.  God won’t magically remove all the temptations from your life, but He will make sure you are never tempted beyond what you are able (1 Cor 10:13).  God promises that the struggles of this life can be resisted… and there is an expectation that you will do that.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  As you expressed, unhealthy relationships will destroy your soul like rust destroys iron.

God promises that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us (Jas 4:8).  As you make decisions to purify your life and build healthy relationships, God will reward you for those decisions.

Hi.  While my faith has recently been shaky, I’m happy to say that I am a whole-hearted believer in God.  My closest friend, however, is far from that which is something I’ve started to question God about.

She is very intelligent, especially in the sciences.  Actually, to be honest, we both are rather gifted in that area which is probably what brought us together.  But the most important thing that separates us is that she doesn’t believe in God, and she has a lot of scientific evidence to back up her opinion.  I have my evidence too, but whenever the subject comes up, she refuses to talk about it, saying she’s concerned she’ll ruin my faith.  How do I reach out to a person like this?  It hurts me so much to see her live out her life with obvious gaps that only God can fill.

Any suggestions on how to direct my friend to the Lord without ruining our friendship?  She has developed something against religion recently, saying that it’s just a tool used through history to give people power and reason to kill.  This really bothers me, but again, the friendship is so important to me, and I don’t want to lose it.  At the same time, her salvation is also at least that important to me.  Thanks, and God bless.

Sincerely,
A Proven Friend

Dear A Proven Friend,

You are obviously dealing with a very intelligent person who has formed her own opinions… but without all the data.  What we normally do when studying with someone like this is to hand them a couple of books and tell them we would like to hear their thoughts after they are finished reading.  That has a two-fold effect:

1. It takes all wrangling over words out of the picture because it isn’t an argument anymore… they are simply reading.
2. It shows you how serious they are about pursuing the subject.  If it is important, they will read and get back to you, but if it isn’t important, the subject will just get dropped.  Either way, you can have a clear conscience that you tried to help.

In this circumstance, we recommend “Evidence That Demands A Verdict” by Josh McDowell (this book should address much of the argument of the Bible being used as a tool to hurt others).  We also recommend “Case For A Creator” by Lee Strobel to deal with the scientific arguments and “Has God Spoken?” by A.O. Schnabel (which addresses the internal evidence of the Bible’s supernatural origins).  That is our recommendation on the topic… less confrontation and more information.

Recently, my friend and I promised each other that if we saw the other turning away from God, we would speak up.  Basically, we promised to be each other’s support system and to encourage each other in God.  But I found out a few weeks ago that she has been sleeping with her boyfriend and some other similar things.  I would speak up, but she doesn’t know I know because both her boyfriend and sister told me on accident; they thought she would have told me.  I know she is avoiding honesty because she thinks I will scold her and be disappointed.  I admit, I am disappointed, but I just wish she would be honest with me.  How do I handle this?  I don’t want to cause fights by revealing to her who told me, but I want to be able to help her.  What do I do?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend

Dear A Concerned Friend,

If you know that a fellow christian is living a sinful life, you have a moral obligation to do something about it.  Christ says that we should privately confront one another (Matt 18:15).  If she repents, you have saved her soul (Jas 5:20).  Make it clear that you have honest and loving concern for her (2 Thess 3:14-15).  It is an act of love to entreat a fellow christian to turn from sin (1 Jn 3:18).  No matter how you came by the information, you have a responsibility to try and save your sister.

Is it appropriate for a pastor of a church to restrict a congregation member from working in the ministry with an associate pastor (of the opposite sex) because of people’s perception of their friendship?

Sincerely,
Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

Without dealing with the issue of titles like ‘associate pastor’ (please read “Switching Departments” for more details on church leadership), let’s see if we can break down your question.  Is it appropriate for an elder/pastor to restrict a man and a woman from working closely together in the church because they are giving too intimate of a “vibe” to everyone else?  Yes.  In fact, it is the elders’ job to protect your reputation and your souls from bad situations (Heb 13:17).  Included in Heb 13:17 is the fact that you should trust their judgment and realize that whether you see it or not, there is something unhealthy about your current relationship.  1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 lay out the qualifications for becoming a pastor/elder.  One of those qualifications is sober-mindedness.  An elder is an older man that has proven that he has experience and wisdom to offer.  If he is saying that your friendship has the form and appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:2)… take him seriously.

As a christian, if someone thinks I have done them wrong, and they tell me I own them an apology, and I tell them I have nothing to be sorry for – at first, I thought I had done wrong, but others said I didn’t do wrong; this person refuses to put it in the past and let it go without an apology.  I am a young christian and now feel I did nothing wrong, and I refuse to apologize.  Am I wrong in doing this?

Sincerely,
Where’s The Wrong?

Dear Where’s The Wrong,

With all do respect, your refusal to offer any type of apology is probably showing your youth.  Paul tells us to “as much as it depends on us” seek peace (Rom 12:18).  Jesus says that we should turn the other cheek and go the extra mile (Matt 5:39-41).  Whether you actually did something wrong is irrelevant; you can still apologize for having hurt the person’s feelings.  Being the bigger person isn’t easy, but it is part of the lifestyle Christ has called us to.  Jesus tells us to love even our enemies (Lk 6:35).  Who knows… maybe your kindness and olive branch of peace will soften the heart of the other person (Rom 12:20).

My problem is with a co-worker.  She always has some issue, and as a christian, I do my best to help her, especially since she has told me she has re-dedicated her life to Christ.  The problem is, I have come to believe she is narcissistic.  I do feel for her and try to be positive and encourage her, but everyone who knows her is constantly on eggshells.  I work in a small office, and there is no way to try and avoid her when she is on her rampage.  I really need advice on what I should do.  Do I distance myself from her, or do I continue to believe that God will heal her?  I want to be there for her.  I know she had a terrible childhood, but she does upset me and honestly frightens me at times.

Sincerely,
Across The Hall

Dear Across The Hall,

Biblical love does what is in the best interest of someone else.  When we love others, we always give them what they need… even if what they need isn’t the same as what they want.  Love rejoices in the truth (1 Cor 13:6); that means that love does what is right, not what is easy.  When this co-worker “rampages”, it is easy to avoid the conflict like others have.  The hard thing to do is to kindly and honestly say, “This is unacceptable behavior, and we cannot build our friendship off of this foundation.”  Confronting someone is sometimes the right and loving thing to do.  Do it with dignity and tact.  If she really is placing her faith in Christ, she should be willing to alter her behavior to imitate Him (1 Cor 11:1).  Real friends wound, so others can heal (Pr 27:6).

God is very clear about how He wants us to live our lives, so I don’t understand how some people are constantly sinning and think they will go to heaven just because they are good people.  It is hard when I try to show people different verses in the Bible, and they just blow it off and say God wouldn’t send them to hell because of this or that.  What are some good verses to show my friends and family that God is serious?

Sincerely,
Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Two very basic verses that emphasize the importance of living faithful lives are Jhn 14:6 and Jhn 15:14.  In Jhn 14:6, Jesus says that He is “the way and the truth and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him”.  That verse removes all other religions.  Buddhism, Islam, Agnosticism, Judaism, Atheism, etc. – none of those religions will get you to heaven – only Jesus will.  Since the only way to heaven is through Jesus, Jhn 15:14 goes one step farther and makes it clear that we can only be Jesus’ friends if we do what He commands us.

Not everyone can accept this.  It is only when people love the truth (2 Thess 2:10) that they accept the details of the Bible.  It is an unfortunate reality that most people are simply not interested in the Bible’s truths because it requires too much of them.  God wants us to live faithful and committed lives, lives that require us to deny ourselves (Matt 16:24).  Only when we study His Word and apply it can we call ourselves faithful (Rom 10:17).

I am visiting family, and my sister-in-law invited an older child over to play with my daughter.  This child’s parents must use the phrase, “Oh, my God” often because the child said it a couple times.  My daughter has been taught not to say this, and at breakfast, she said, “(child’s name omitted) is using bad words.”

My reactionary reply was, “(child’s name omitted) is a bad-bad.”  This made for an awkward moment with this boy sitting at the breakfast table with his aunt & uncle close by who were watching him for the day.

I missed a moment to teach why we do not say, “Oh, my God” to the child and his relatives.  However, I’m not sure I would have explained it sufficiently if I would have tried.

Where in the Bible does it state using this phrase flippantly is wrong?

Sincerely,
Catch Phrase

Dear Catch Phrase,

In the Old Testament, it says to “not take the Lord’s name in vain” (Ex 20:7); it is the third commandment.  In the New Testament, we are told to “let not the name of God and the doctrine be blasphemed” (1 Tim 6:1).  The New Testament also says to treat God with reverence (Heb 12:28).  When we have an attitude of reverence towards God, we won’t use His name as a cuss word.  You are doing well to teach your child to hold God’s name in reverence and honor.  You’ve been doing the right thing… the verses back you up.

I have a question concerning forgiveness.  I have a friend that was baptized a few years ago but still wants to drink to get it out of their system… but will stop in a few years.  When I ask why they are doing it, they say they, “are going to be forgiven anyway if they ask for it later”, so they continue to drink.  My question is, will they really be forgiven?  Or will their forgiveness being asked in vain?

Sincerely,
Sober-Minded

Dear Sober-Minded,

Your friend has a common misconception about sin… that it is easy to quit.  When we openly and purposefully sin, we are choosing to become enslaved by that sin (alcohol is specifically mentioned as being addictive – Tit 2:3).  Paul teaches that part of becoming a christian is changing our attitude toward sin (Rom 6:1-4).  Christianity is a new life… a new life where sin no longer rules over us (Rom 6:11).

When we are baptized, we are making a statement that we hate sin, want it removed from our lives, and are seeking forgiveness from Christ.  Baptism is an appeal to God for a new life free from the filth of sin (1 Pet. 3:21).  If your friend still wants to live in sin and trick God into forgiveness later – God will not be deceived (Gal 6:7).  God knows our hearts (Lk 16:15).  If we accidently sin and then ask Him for forgiveness… that is very different from purposefully living a sinful lifestyle.  Your friend has some maturing to do before they really understand what it means to live a godly lifestyle.  In fact, if they are currently sinning, it may be time for you to talk to them about it.  Unfortunately, if he/she won’t listen to Scriptures, you may need to do what Matt 18:15-16 says and bring another faithful christian along to help you explain the sinful predicament he/she is in.

Does God punish people by making their loved ones sick because that person didn’t want something to occur?

Sincerely,
Guilty Conscience

Dear Guilty Conscience,

We couldn’t say what God has or hasn’t done in a specific circumstance.  However, we can provide some general principles regarding life for you to consider.

1. We reap what we sow (Gal 6:7-8).  The choices we make have consequences in this life – and in the next.  What you do affects you and those around you that you come in contact with.  When you behave godly, certain things happen; when you behave sinfully, other things happen.  That is a universal principle of life.
2. God is always fair and just (Deu 32:4).  God doesn’t make bad decisions.  If (emphasis upon the ‘if’) God had a hand in causing someone you love to be sick… He has a reason.  God loves mankind and always seeks what is in our long-term best interests (Jhn 3:16).
3. Sometimes bad things simply happen because they happen.  Job suffered greatly and lost his children, but it wasn’t his fault.  Job hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had his kids.  It all happened because Satan wanted to do evil (Job 1:6).  As long as we live in this world of sin, there will be troubles.  Sometimes, there isn’t anyone at fault.
4. God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him (Rom 8:28).  No matter what has happened in the past, if we love God and turn to Him, He will make everything turn out for the positive.  We can’t tell you how, but in His great wisdom, He can turn even the worst of scenarios into a long-term benefit.

We here at AYP cannot imagine what heartache you must be going through if someone you dearly love is sick.  We wish you the very best during this trying time and will pray that all turns out well.

I have a friend who always wants to talk about religion but doesn’t understand my beliefs. I am a christian, and when I try to explain to her that the Bible is literally interpreted, she doesn’t understand and replies with, “Well, that’s your and your church’s interpretation of the Bible” and “The same literal verse can mean different things to different people.”  What verses or explanation can I use as examples of how the Bible should be interpreted and why?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Literally Puzzled

Dear Literally Puzzled,

What you are trying to do is prove to your friend that the Bible is God’s literal word and that God intends for it to be understood in a definite fashion.  Here are a couple of different ways to try and get this concept across to your friend:

1. Peter said that the Bible is not a matter of our own private interpretation (2 Pet 1:20-21).  When God spoke, He didn’t mean for His Words to be interpreted how we wished.  In fact, the apostle Paul condemns our own interpretation as “perverting” God’s Word (Gal 1:6-7).  There is a right and a wrong way to read the Scriptures.
2. If there is more than one correct way to interpret the Scriptures, it would be impossible to have unity.  Unity can only happen if we agree on the same standards.  If people each have their own personal interpretation of the Scriptures, there is no common standard to build unity upon.  God is not the author of confusion (1 Cor 14:33).  God commands us to have unity, and that there is only one faith (Eph 4:3-6).  Show your friend Ephesians chapter four and explain that unity cannot happen without a single standard.
3. God purposely made sure that every word of the Bible was exactly as He intended it to be (Matt 5:18).  Everything that the prophets wrote was directly from the mind of God (1 Cor 2:12-13).  If God put that much effort into preserving the accuracy and detail of the Bible, we cannot disregard that.  We must be as accurate in our reading of the Bible as God was in writing it.
4. Jesus believed there was a right and a wrong way to read the Bible.  He accused the Pharisees of disregarding God’s teachings (Matt 21:42).  He also told the Sadducees that they didn’t understand the Scriptures (Matt 22:29).  If Jesus says there is a right and a wrong way to view the Scriptures, then we must make sure we are rightly discerning God’s Word.

There is no guarantee any of these things will work with your friend, but we wish you the very best as you try and share the Gospel.  Hopefully, she will be willing to listen with an open and honest heart.

How do you think negative people can affect your life, and what should you do if someone you care about has become very negative?

Sincerely,
The Glass Is Half Full

Dear The Glass Is Half Full,

Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  Depending on the intensity of someone’s bad attitude or behavior, you may need to distance yourself.  Christians are constantly trying to strike the balance between being lights to the world (Matt 5:14) and keeping themselves pure and undefiled from the world’s influences (Jas 1:27).  As long as we live on this planet, we will have trials (Jhn 16:33).  It is a precarious balancing act between being an influence and being corrupted by the world.  There is no exact answer to your problem; you must apply these principles yourself.  If you can influence this person for good, then do so.  If they are corrupting you and keeping you from being the best christian you can be, begin to distance yourself.  You may even deem it appropriate to tell the person why you are distancing yourself.  Maybe, just maybe, they will change if they are made aware of what their choices are costing them.

I had a falling out with a childhood friend after decades of friendship.  I had been a support to this friend through a painful divorce, financial issues, and helping him find his way. In the end, this friendship turned out to be destructive.  I finally stood up for myself and told him that I just couldn’t do this anymore. What I didn’t expect was a profane and a rather violent verbal response. I was shocked!  Since this time, I have prayed to God for healing and understanding. I have come a long way in this process, but I have a question. You see, I’ve reached out to this person in forgiveness … peace … and attempted to understand where he is coming from.  I feel God wants us to live in PEACE and FORGIVENESS, so that is what I’ve tried to do.  My question is: what would God have us do when we reach out in peace and forgiveness, and it is only met with hostility and more anger?  I would like to know what it is that God expects of us when things like this happens in our lives.  I have forgiven him for the hatefulness and unkind words (even though he didn’t ask for forgiveness)… but do I continue to seek out peace or let it go and just let God work on it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Mending Fences

Dear Mending Fences,

You do what you can, and then you let it go.  God says that “as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Rom 12:18).  You must do everything that you can to mend the wounds of your friendship, and then leave the rest to God.  “As much as depends on you” means that not everything does depend on you.  All relationships with other human beings are two-way streets.  If you have tried sincerely, honestly, and completely to do your part to make things work… you’ve done your part.

I lost a friend who is not a Christian.  I know they weren’t saved and they won’t be in heaven, but is there anything the Bible says that can bring any comfort?

Sincerely,
Grieving The Lost

Dear Grieving The Lost,

The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is, at times, almost unbearable.  That pain can be amplified when we do not have hope of someday seeing that person in heaven.

God says that He finds no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezek 33:11).  That tells you that God will not send anyone to hell by accident, spite, or malicious intent.  Anyone who ends up in hell really, truly belongs there.  When your friend faces God on the Day of Judgment, God will make the right decision concerning their fate.  There is some comfort in knowing that God will not make any mistakes.

God has a deeper, more complete understanding of eternity than you or I do.  He is completely loving (1 Jn 4:8).  If your friend goes to hell, it will be because the most loving and wise God of all creation knew that was where they chose to be.

How do you forgive someone if they have not asked for forgiveness and/or if they act as though they are not in error?  I’ve heard some say you should simply be ready to forgive.  I know I should not have ill will or resentful feelings, but how can I forgive if forgiveness has not been requested?  We are only forgiven by God when we request it….

Sincerely,
Apology Acceptor

Dear Apology Acceptor,

Depending on the situation, you may or may not forgive the person (more on this further down), but no matter what: you can’t, absolutely CAN’T, treat the person poorly or allow bitterness to engulf you.  Whether you forgive someone or not, we are all to love even our enemies (Lk 6:27) and treat them with kindness and love.  Furthermore, bitterness of heart is a disease that is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer (Heb 12:15).

With that said, here are some things to consider with forgiveness.  You have to forgive all christians (Matt 18:35).  If they are good enough for God to forgive, they are good enough for you to forgive.  If the person is not a christian, you may find that they are purposefully continuing to harm you and abuse you.  If this is the case, it is fair to say that you do not need to forgive them.  God is willing to forgive when we repent, but ready to forgive is different than actually forgiving (Ps 86:5).  Another factor to consider is that Jesus asked God to forgive people who were crucifying Him.  “Forgive them for they know not what they do”(Lk 23:34) is a very powerful statement.  Jesus made it clear that oftentimes people do the wrong thing out of ignorance.  If they had only known, they would have acted differently.  It is always a good idea to give people the benefit of the doubt.   If in doubt, forgiveness is always a better option.

I got baptized nine years ago at some church where my boyfriend was going.  A couple days ago, someone pointed out to me that I wasn’t baptized for the forgiveness of my sins.  I just got baptized again.  I haven’t really told anyone yet.  I feel kinda dumb for not knowing all those years and thinking that I was going to heaven.  Am I lying by not saying something?

Sincerely,
Back To The Beginning

Dear Back To The Beginning,

The willingness to change when confronted with the truth is the mark of an intelligent and honest person.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  You aren’t required to tell everyone you meet, but don’t avoid the subject.  The fact that you are concerned that you are lying is a sign that your conscience is bothering you.  If there are people that you specifically avoid the subject with, and it is bothering your conscience, then you may need to go out of your way to tell them.  It is very important that christians always try and keep a clean conscience (Acts 24:16).

On top of that, you have nothing to be ashamed of; being baptized is a joyous event and an opportunity to let your light shine (Matt 5:16).  You are a christian now.  Christians have a responsibility to confess Christ to the rest of mankind (Matt 10:32-33).  Let those around you know how happy you are.

I have a friend that is a christian, but the father of her child is not.  They no longer date, but she still cares for him.  He will not work or spend time with his child.  He does not give the child financial support.  He studied the Bible for a short time but lost interest because nothing changed in his life.  Apart from her own interests, she still wants to be with him for the child’s sake.  He wants to control her and does not want her to date other guys.  He becomes very upset when she dates christian guys.  What does the Bible say about their relationship? And what advice can I give her according to the Bible?

Sincerely,
Aiding A Friend

Dear Aiding A Friend,

As we often say when we answer these types of questions – we here at AYP will avoid the details of the personal aspect of this question and deal primarily with the Bible one.  There is no quick and easy answer for the personal side that can be addressed through a website.  These kinds of problems take godly friends, faith, and time to sort out.

The emotional baggage involved with this situation is sticky, but the Bible facts are simple.  She is not married to this man and has ZERO responsibility to date/court/marry someone that meets his approval.  An ungodly man disliking godly choices is nothing new (Jhn 3:20).  Without dwelling upon the past choices that led her to having a child with a man she is not married to, it is fair to say that she will only find a good life for herself and her child if she makes better choices… godly choices (Gal 6:7-9).  She needs to begin sowing a better life for herself.  The only hope she has of finding a life that is good for herself (and for her child – Pr 22:6) is to begin to fear God and keep His commandments above all else (Ps 111:10).  Only when we prize God above all other relationships do we succeed in life.  Serving Christ often brings great strife into our lives, but ultimately it bears the fruit of long-term peace (Gal 5:22).  Even though it sets us at odds with those around us, including loved ones, we must press on and endure, so that we might be found worthy of Christ (Matt 10:34-38).  Christianity is about making Bible choices regardless of how hard they might seem.

Hi, I’m loving your website right now; thanks for sharing this great site with us!

I have a question in regards to speaking in tongues.  A co-worker of mine (who states she is a christian) and I have many talks about biblical topics.  She told me the other day that she has spoken in tongues before.  She also said that she was filled with the Holy Spirit prior to her baptism.  She believes that since she is filled with the Holy Spirit, she is able to speak in tongues.  I know this ability was for the apostles and we do not have this gift today… but how do I go about teaching her this from the New Testament?  I know we all have gifts, but I want to show her this is not a gift that we are bestowed with today.  Help please!

Sincerely,
English Please

Dear English Please,

The easiest way to handle someone who says they have spoken in tongues is to simply ask, “Oh, what tongue did you speak in?”  Invariably, they will be tongue-tied because they will have no clue what you are talking about.  At this point, you can begin to explain that the Bible says speaking in tongues was a miraculous ability that allowed someone to speak in REAL languages that they had never learned (Acts 2:7-11).  The charismatic and Pentecostal churches teach that speaking in tongues is a “hidden” or “secret” language that can only be understood by the angelic beings unless an interpreter is present.  That is hogwash.

The whole purpose of speaking in tongues was to allow the gospel to be spread rapidly.  The gift of speaking in tongues was only useful if it allowed someone to teach another person God’s prophetic word (1 Cor 14:6-9).  Unless your friend was miraculously able to speak another real language that allowed her to teach a real person the gospel – then she will have to realize what she did wasn’t from God.  Then you can begin to teach her that miracles no longer happen (miracles being defined as things that break the natural laws of this world), and they are no longer needed because we have the complete Word of God.  See the posts, “I Dreamed A Dream” and “Three Cheers For Miracles!” for further details on how to explain this concept to your friend.

I have a VERY good friend, my closest friend ever, and she doesn’t have a religion. She told me her parents are letting her choose for herself. I am trying to teach her about Christianity and the Bible.  I have done as much as I can to try and lead her on the right path, including taking her to the christian-based camp my parents are directors of.  She has done pretty well, but I am scared that she, in the end, won’t make the right decision.  I don’t know what else I can keep doing to help save her. Do you have advice?

Sincerely,
Being A Friend

Dear Being A Friend,

Everything that can be done, you are doing. You are open about your beliefs, you stand by your morals, you answer her questions, and you involve her in things that help influence her in a positive way. The rest is up to her.

When God made us, He made us in His image and gave us free will (Gen 1:27). That means that everyone has the right to choose the path of their life. You get to choose for yourself… and so does your friend. You can’t make her become a christian; all you can do is light the way (Matt 5:14). Your friendship is the most important friendship in her life because you are the one showing her how to get to heaven. She may listen to you; she may not… but either way, you are doing the right thing. Keep doing what you are doing. The only other thing you could do is pray for and about her, and then trust that God will take care of everything (Mk 11:24).

As long as she is happy to be your friend (and doesn’t try and force you to stop living a moral life), then be her friend. Some people take a long time to obey God. Paul was really stubborn (1 Tim 1:16), Peter was scared (Mk 14:67-68), and Thomas doubted (Jhn 20:24-25). Eventually, all three of them came around and did the right thing. Maybe your friend will be the same way.

How do you feel about letting the Pastor know that some people he has in leadership – worship leading and youth group – are drinking alcohol on the side while posting their publicly drunken pictures on the internet? Would it be wrong to bring this to his attention? I might add that this couple is in the “Pastor’s clique.” This has been something breaking my soul, knowing that these people have been on stage lifting their hands, praising God on Sunday, and teaching impressionable teens who have access to these pictures — then they are in bars and at parties on Saturday night. Am I sinning knowing it’s happening and saying nothing? Pastors shouldn’t even have “circles or cliques”, right? Please pray and help. I am broken.

Sincerely,
Caught In The Middle

Dear Caught In The Middle,

Yes, you must say something about it. For the sake of addressing the main purpose of your question and not getting distracted, we aren’t going to deal with the issue that your congregation is led by a single pastor, but we recommend you read “Elders” to better understand the problem of a congregation being led by one man. After that, ask your pastor where in the Bible he can find an example of a congregation being led by a single pastor.

Back to the topic, though. Your specific question dealt with whether or not to say something when you know someone else is sinning. If you know there is sin in your congregation, you must address it. Paul condemned the Corinthians because they allowed someone to flagrantly live a life of sin and remain amongst them (1 Cor 5:1-2). God tells us that if our brother sins, we must confront him privately (Matt 18:15). If that doesn’t work, bring one or two others with you and confront him again (Matt 18:16). If that still doesn’t work – bring it to the leadership of the congregation, and if he still won’t repent, then the congregation is to withdraw from him (Matt 18:17). You have a responsibility to make the sin known for the sake of the person’s soul and for the sake of the spiritual health of the others that they influence.

Some sins we commit when we act the wrong way, and sometimes we sin because we failed to act. If you know someone is openly sinning (and especially if you have evidence, like in your case), you must act. God requires it of you, and if the congregation won’t act as God intends… I recommend reading “Finding A Church”.

A lot of my friends at school swear and try to pressure me into it, but I always tell them, “No.”  I don’t know how to kindly tell them I do not swear, and I don’t want them to swear around me. Do you have any advice on this?

Sincerely,
No Soap For My Mouth

Dear No Soap For My Mouth,

Good for you for standing up for God. It isn’t easy to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing. The Bible says that a friend loves at all times (Pr 17:17). If someone is truly our friend, they won’t purposefully try and hurt us or make us do something that would upset our conscience. Tell your friends at school, “If you are really my friend, you won’t say things that upset me. You may be okay with swearing, but I’m not, and please be a friend and not swear around me.” If they are really your friends, they will stop (or at least try and stop). If they won’t, then they aren’t really what God calls a friend.

A while back, we had been talking about forgiveness and how you should keep forgiving people. What if they keep doing the same things to you and really aren’t sorry. How are you supposed to forgive then?

Sincerely,
Hard To Forget

Dear Hard To Forget,

It is true that christians must forgive all other christians, but there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. David forgave Saul for trying to kill him, but David didn’t trust Saul after multiple attempts on his life (1 Sam 26:21-25). When we forgive someone, we no longer hold the debt of their sin against them (Matt 6:12); this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t use wisdom in our dealings with them (Matt 10:16).

Christians often forgive people for things they haven’t repented of yet. Stephen asked that God forgive the people that were stoning him (Acts 7:60). Jesus, our Lord, did the same thing as He hung on the cross (Lk 23:34). But in both cases, it is safe to say that the people they forgave weren’t trustworthy. Their forgiveness opened the way to the possibility of a healthy relationship over time. We must follow their example. You don’t know whether the person is truly sorry, whether they are trying to grow, or what problems or trials they are going through. God is the final judge of their character and faithfulness. You can and should always treat people with kindness and generosity no matter how they have treated you.

Continue to forgive and keep yourself from bitterness (Heb 12:15), but feel free to protect yourself from harmful relationships.

My grandchildren have told me several times that one of their friends uses some by-words that sound pretty bad. They also said that the parents use these words, so the friend thinks the words are okay. The words used also included a racial slur. Since these people are christians, and I am sure this is not appropriate language, what, if anything, can these young people say to their friend about the language without upsetting the parents?

Sincerely,
Watch Your Mouth

Dear Watch Your Mouth,

By-words or euphemism are used today as “soft” swearing. Instead of actually using a four-letter word or the Lord’s name in vain, people will alter those words (often by only changing a letter or two) to expressions more socially acceptable. The problem is that the meaning still remains the same. It is very similar to when television stations bleep-out bad language – everyone still knows what was intended.

Christians are supposed to avoid all unwholesome speech and crass language (Eph 4:29). Our language should always edify and build up other people. This is exactly why euphemisms and by-words are bad for christians to use. The euphemisms have the same intent as the ‘swear’ words. We should always talk in such a way that we impart grace and goodness to those who listen (Col 4:6). Secondarily, euphemisms give enemies of the gospel an opportunity to condemn christians. When we use by-words, our enemies can argue that christians are only using a language loop-hole; the intent behind our words is the same. Paul tells us to carefully watch our language, so that we never give enemies of Christ the opportunity to condemn us (Tit 2:8).

As for what your grandchildren can say to their friend… not much can be said. They can always request that their friend not use words like that around them and then explain why. You can remind your grandchildren that a true friend won’t use words to purposefully offend. Even if the friend will stop out of respect for your grandchildren, it is a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, euphemisms are so common amongst God’s people that it will take a lot of teaching and time to rid christians of the habit.

I have a friend who visits an astrologer or “psychic” and seems to put great stock in what this person says. I think it is a waste of time and money, but is it sinful? How about reading your horoscope?

Sincerely,
Say It Ain’t Séance

Dear Say It Ain’t Séance,

Astrology, mysticism, séances, horoscopes, palm reading, etc. are all sinful. God condemned that behavior in the Old Testament (Isa 47:13-14). King Saul was put to death by God for seeking a woman that practices divining (1 Chr 10:13). Any Jew that was found visiting a ‘medium’ or ‘spiritist’ would be cut off from His people (Lev 20:6). In the New Testament, astrology is just as roundly condemned. Paul cast out an evil spirit that was fortune-telling (Acts 16:16-18). When someone became a christian, they confessed sorcery as evil, and many of them burned their books of the magical arts (Acts 19:18-20). If we want wisdom, we should seek it from God (Jas 1:5). All astrology, horoscopes, and the like are wrong.

A friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic, and I have heard her speak of it as her “disease”, and she has even likened it to cancer (which I privately took offense to).  I have even attended an AA meeting with her to show my support as a friend.  My question is: is it correct to call it a “disease”?  It doesn’t seem like a disease to me since you cannot use willpower to conquer cancer or Parkinson’s disease.  Also, I noticed that during my visit to the AA meeting, I got the feeling that AA was a substitute for religion for many of the people there… including my friend who is Catholic (she told me that she felt AA took the place of going to church).  It felt very cult-y, and the books they used were bound to look like Bibles, and they read from it as we might read from the Bible in church… I don’t know your level of familiarity with this organization, but is it opposed to God’s teachings?

Sincerely,
Friend Of An AA Member

Dear Friend Of An AA Member,

This topic is one where it becomes very easy to wander into opinions and conjecture.  We will restrict our answer to purely the Bible’s view on the subject.  Is it wrong to think of alcoholism as a disease?  No.  All sinful behavior is a disease that infects our lives and kills us (Rom 6:23, Jas 1:15).  Some sin is so pervasive that it cannot be handled or escaped alone.  That is why it is so important that christians bear one another’s burdens and strengthen each other (Gal 6:1-2).  We also need to realize that certain things like alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc. create a physiological reaction that makes it even more difficult to recover and escape from the sin.  Jesus Himself said that there are times where the spirit of a man is willing to change but the flesh is weak (Mk 14:38).  The weakness of the flesh does not excuse the sin, but it does amplify the burden of removing the addiction.

Alcoholics Anonymous is not inherently opposed to God.  Many, many christians have used AA meetings as a helping hand to recover from addiction.  AA does not profess to be a source of religious knowledge; in fact, they are very careful to remain ambiguous in the area of religion.  Having said that, AA has been used as a replacement for attending church.  But that is nothing new… people use family vacations, fishing trips, television, music, clubs, and any number of other things as replacements for serving God.  That is a problem with the individual person, not a problem with the organization.  Every individual has a responsibility to not forsake the assembly of christians (Heb 10:25).  There is never a replacement for attending church services.

I love my church, but there are things that have been brought to my attention that deal with young men sagging their pants. I feel the issue is important; we do need to be respectful to the women in the church and, most importantly, to God. These young men and I on occasion sag our pants; does that make me any more or less saved than the rest of the congregation? I understand there are guidelines, and I can’t go and do whatever I want, but whether I wear jeans to church or a suit, isn’t Jesus going to love me the same? It seems to me we can get too caught up on the outward appearances and miss God. Is all this judging good for the church as a whole? I think God will accept my baggy jeans and all, what about you, preacher?

Sincerely,
How Low Can You Go

Dear How Low Can You Go,

The issue isn’t about dress code – but modesty. It is one thing to dress more casually or formally than others; it is another to show your underwear in public. Men sagging their pants are just as bad as women wearing low cut and revealing clothing. God tells us to dress modestly (1 Tim 2:9). It is shameful for a christian to not be fully clothed (Rev 3:18). It is important that we dress in a way that is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17). The way we dress is part of our reputation, and therefore we must be careful what message it sends. My kudos to you for caring. Hike up the pants.

Why was it, when men were about to be confronted with their enemies and they were afraid for their lives, they’d put their livestock in front of them, then their children and their wives/concubines, and then themselves?  This seems like a very cowardly act to me, and I’ve pondered it quite a while now.

Could it have been that they were showing the enemy just how much they had, or was it that they were simply afraid, and they were willing to sacrifice what was in front of them instead of being brave and defending their family and their livestock?

I also think it was horrible when different men would have other men they were scared of knocking at their door and demanding they send out certain men/visitors, and the man inside would say, “I’ve got this virgin daughter, or I’ve got my wife or concubine in here; let me send them out, but leave these men alone.” WOW. What in the world were they thinking?

Sincerely,
Women And Children First

Dear Women And Children First,

The women and children went first as a sign of subservience and a reminder of the fact that these men had families to care for – that is why Jacob did it. The story you indicated occurs in Genesis chapter 32 and 33. Jacob’s brother, Esau, had been bitterly angry with him ever since Jacob got Esau’s birthright and blessing from their father, Isaac (Gen 27:36). Esau had attempted to kill Jacob when they were younger (Gen 27:42). It had been decades since the two brothers last saw each other, but Jacob still feared his brother’s wrath (Gen 32:11). Jacob sent livestock ahead as gifts to his brother (Gen 32:13-18). He then sent his wives and children, Esau’s nieces and nephews (Gen 33:1-2). Jacob went last in order to show his humility and lowliness. It was an act of peace, not a defensive war-time tactic.

In the case of men offering their daughters and concubines up for rape… that just shows the degradation of their character. In both cases where that happened (Sodom – Gen 19:8 and Gibeah – Judg 19:24), the societies were so utterly immoral that they were destroyed not long after. Sodom was destroyed directly by God (Gen 19:24), and Gibeah was destroyed by Israel (Judg 20:43). Both of those societies were condemned by man and God for their degenerate evil ways. The Bible records the history of these societies, but that doesn’t mean it condones them.

One of my friends just left her husband for another man.  It has become a big problem between us.  She said that their “attraction was too great to deny.”  She has always been somewhat of a flirt.  She says that it’s just her nature.  I don’t understand!  Would God make someone to be a natural cheat?  If so, do I have a “nature” that would make me do something wrong?

Sincerely,
Instinctively Angry

Dear Instinctively Angry,

Your friend is using an age-old excuse for sin. There is no such thing as an “attraction too great to deny”… just people who wish to follow their lusts instead of their morals. God specifically states that He doesn’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, and that there is ALWAYS a way of escape from sin (1 Cor 10:13).

We all have predispositions toward certain behaviors. Flirtatiousness, temper problems, laziness, depression, cowardliness, alcoholism, etc. are all temptations that pull stronger on some people than on others. You may never struggle with depression, but your temper may always be an issue for you. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, but simply a reality of life. Even as far back as Adam and Eve, God has not accepted excuses for sin (Gen 3:11-13). Your friend has chosen her own lusts over serving God. Instead of fighting against a predisposition towards flirtation, she succumbed to it. She had a choice, and she chose poorly (Gen 4:7).

Hi, I’m 13, and I’ve got a lot of friends at my school.  Most of them are christian. However, there is one that is a mormon and one that is an athiest. Is it wrong to be friends with them?

Sincerely,
Choosing Carefully

Dear Choosing Carefully,

There is a difference between a friend and a close intimate friend. Not all friendships are equal. David and Jonathan’s friendship was so close they were like brothers (1 Sam 18:1). Jesus was close to all his apostles- but especially to Peter, James, and John (Mk 5:37). Jesus also was kind and friendly to the tax collectors and sinners (Mk 2:15-16), but there wasn’t a great amount of depth to His relationship with them unless they converted. Best friends, friends, and casual friends are all friends, but not all are equal.

As you choose your friends you will need to make an assessment of how deep the friendship should be. Do they have the same values as you? Are they good people? Do they help you to be a better person? Are you their friend because they need you or vice versa? There isn’t anything wrong with being friends with people who aren’t exactly like you, but it is important to make sure that they aren’t leading you away from God. Any friend that influences you to compromise your morals or mocks you for being such a ‘goodie-goodie’ is not really a friend at all. However, if your mormon and atheist friends are willing to accept you as you are, then let your light shine. Maybe you will win them to Christ! Letting unbelievers see your life is one of the most important parts of being a christian (Matt 5:16).

Don’t shy away from people just because they aren’t christians, but be careful that your deepest, closest friendships are with people who have the same values as you. Always be aware of the danger of being corrupted by the world when you are choosing your closest friends (1 Cor 15:33).

I am the only Christian in my family and among most of my friends. I feel like I have a responsibility to let the ones I love know about God’s Word, but I don’t know how to do it without pushing it or feeling like an annoyance. The thought that my friends and family aren’t going to heaven because I didn’t bring it up breaks my heart. I also don’t know how to tell them that Christ’s church is different from other churches.

Sincerely,
Letting My Light Shine

Dear Letting My Light Shine,

With some relationships, there isn’t much you can say; it is how you live that makes the impact. Even Jesus had struggles converting His family. His brothers initially mocked him for His teachings (Jhn 7:3-5). Jesus didn’t argue with them; He just kept on being Himself, and eventually his brother James, his brother Jude, and his mother are recorded as having been converted.

The problem with family is that they have seen you at your youngest and most immature. Your words don’t have the same impact with a parent that has changed your diapers. No matter how logical and right you might be, all they can think is, “This is my child” or “This is my kid brother/sister”. Jesus said that even a prophet doesn’t have respect in his hometown (Lk 4:24). Those who knew you before you became a christian will be very skeptical of anything you say. They will need to see the change in your life first.

Converting your family is very similar to converting a spouse. God says that if you have an unbelieving husband or wife, you should live with them and let your influence do the talking (1 Cor 7:12-16). Never compromise your morals and always stand up for what you believe in, but don’t force it upon them. Let time and influence do the work.

As for telling them the differences between Christ’s church and other churches? Your life, convictions, and consistency will show the difference. Remember, your loved ones know you better than anyone – they are watching to see if this new person you say you are is the real deal. You know it, and over time they will to.