The Bible says in the old times men had two or three wives.  How can that be true because of the Ten Commandments?

Sincerely,
Two Many

Dear Two Many,

The Ten Commandments, which are found in Ex. 20:1-17, never address the issue of polygamy and polygamy was part of life in the Old Testament.  The New Testament teaches that Christians should honor God through monogamy (1 Cor 7:1-2, 1 Tim 3:2).  There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24).
2. No polygamy existed until 7 generations after Adam (Gen 4:19).
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13).
4. Qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6)
5. Qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12)
6. Qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9)
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.).
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23).

What are the differences in modern day and Christian views of marriage/relationships?

Sincerely,
Compare And Contrast

Dear Compare And Contrast,

There are a couple of big differences between the Scriptural view of marriage and the way modern culture views it.  The Bible says that marriage is more than just a tradition from previous generations; marriage was instituted and created by God at the very beginning (Gen 2:24).   God also teaches that living together and sexual relations are only for marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).  All sexual relations outside of marriage are sinful.  Another major difference is that the Bible teaches that marriage is only designed between one man and one woman.  Homosexual “marriage” isn’t marriage at all (Rom 1:26-27).  God designed marriage to be a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman, and He never intended for divorce; even in a sinful world, God only permits Christians to divorce in very few narrow circumstances (Matt 19:9, 1 Cor 7:15).

God designed marriage to be a blessing (Pr 18:22), and when we take a biblical attitude toward marriage, it can be one of the greatest things this side of heaven.

    My husband has become more and more abusive to me this past year; the climax was this last Saturday when he attacked me and grabbed me by the windpipe.  I left and am staying with my parents while he is starting counseling.  What verses could you give me to help me through this time? I feel very lost and do not understand why God would let me go through this.  I know He took care of me (I am safe and unharmed), but I don’t know where to turn to deal with this.

Thanks for everything you guys do.

Sincerely,
Rattled Wife

Dear Rattled Wife,

We are so glad you are safe, and we are so very happy to hear that your husband is seeking counseling.  It sounds like you are moving in a positive direction out of a very dark place.  Whenever we are trying to understand why bad things happen, we have to remember that God built this world to be good.  We were the ones that shattered the utopia of Eden.  The Garden of Eden was perfect… Adam and Eve changed everything when they sinned (Gen 3:6-8).  Bad things happen because of their sin and all the sins that have followed.  Everyone is affected by sin – the sins we commit and the sins others commit.  God doesn’t want things to be like this forever.  That is exactly why He sent His own Son to die, so we could have hope of heaven where every tear will be wiped away, and there will be no more death or suffering (Rev 21:4).

As far as specific verses to give you comfort during this time, probably one of the most often read Psalms for comfort during troubles is the 23^rd Psalm.  Another verse to find encouragement is Rom 8:28 which teaches that all things work together for good when we serve God.  Another is 1 Cor 10:13 which says that God won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able.  Another comforting passage is Jer 29:11.  Jeremiah spoke these words to a nation that was in a very dark time and reminded Israel that when they served God, He had wonderful plans for their future.  If you place your trust in the Lord, He has wonderful plans for you, too.

     Why is it beneficial to not have sex before your wedding?

Sincerely,
Why Knot?

Dear Why Knot,

It is always beneficial to do what God says and to avoid sin because sin leads to spiritual death and immense problems in this life (Rom 6:23).  Sex before marriage is a sin.  From the very beginning, God designed marriage as the realm for sexual relations (Gen 2:24).  1 Cor 7:1-2 states that any relations outside of marriage are fornication.  God tells us to flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Even though sexual immorality is rampant in our culture and accepted by our society, that doesn’t make it right.  Christians are called to honor God and honor marriage by leaving the marriage bed pure and undefiled (Heb 13:4).

     Is not having enough money a “good” reason to postpone marriage?  I (we) are poor college students but are emotionally and spiritually ready for marriage… just not financially.  Bad reasoning?

Sincerely,
Ready, But No Money

Dear Ready, But No Money,

There is no clear answer on something like this because each circumstance is different, but there are two Bible principles you want to keep in mind when deciding when to marry.

The first principle is that God tells us to plan ahead in all that we do.  In Lk 14:28-32, Jesus explains that a man who doesn’t plan before building a tower or a king who doesn’t plan before going to war is a fool.  As you know, marriage is a huge commitment, and there are a lot of important things to be prepared for when considering marriage.  Finances are only one part of the picture, but they are something to factor in.  So, thinking about the financial aspects of marriage makes you wise.

The second principle is found in 1 Cor 7:9.  That verse explains that it is possible for a couple to wait too long before marriage, and it can lead to all sorts of problems… not the least of which is sinful pre-marital conduct.  A couple that burns for one another isn’t weak; 1 Cor 7:9 explains that it is a natural and normal aspect of how God made men and women, but it is also something to consider when postponing marriage for too long.  Some couples, in the desire to wait for the “perfect time” to get married – simply wait too long.  Better to be poor and married than financially stable with regrets and unhappiness.

As we said, the answer isn’t simple.  Finances should be considered, but waiting for riches isn’t right either.  You have to use wisdom to balance these two principles and decide as a couple whether or not the time is right.

     Is divorce ever “okay”?  If so, when?  When there has been unfaithfulness, abuse, neglect?

Sincerely,
Curious About Causes

Dear Curious About Causes,

Divorce always involves sin.  God is never okay with divorce, but He does allow it in certain circumstances.  In Mal 2:16, God says that He hates divorce and compares divorce to an act of violence and bloodshed.  In every divorce, you will see that one or both parties have committed sin.

In Matt. 19:9, Jesus says that divorce is wrong between two believers unless fornication has been committed.  ‘Fornication’ means ‘sexual immorality’.  Adultery is an allowed reason for divorce.

The other reason is found in 1 Cor 7:12-15.  In those verses, the apostle Paul explains that a Christian that is married to an unbeliever can accept a divorce if the unbeliever wishes to break up the marriage.  This doesn’t mean that the Christian can instigate a divorce from an unbeliever, but they aren’t sinning by accepting the divorce.

Those are the two circumstances when God says that divorce is allowed.  In other situations, separation would be allowed, but not divorce.

My husband stopped going to church with me; I am trying to be a “submissive wife” and do as God commands us. My question is: am I to stop going to church because my husband stopped? And if I go without him, am I being disobedient in God’s sight? Please help me. As of right now (three weeks), I have not been to church, and it is crushing my heart!!! I want to serve God and do His will, but all I have to go on is the women in my church telling me that I must stop coming until my husband starts again, and if he doesn’t return, I shouldn’t either and that I can praise at home. Well, I do that, but I just want to make sure that this is the correct information about this subject. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Homebound

Dear Homebound,

Col 3:18 says that wives are supposed to be in subjection to their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord”, and not going to church definitely isn’t fitting (Heb 10:24-25). Jesus’ authority supersedes all other authorities in the world, including your husband’s (Eph 1:20-22). You are right to try and be submissive but not at the cost of your spiritual health. In the end, you will stand before God all by yourself (Php 2:12). It is wrong to stop attending the church’s meetings, and it is wrong for your husband to tell you not to go. Now is the time to stand your ground and choose godly behavior.

    I have been married to my wife for ten years, and over the last five, it’s been very challenging.  I love my wife but am not in love with her, and I actually don’t think I ever was.  Reflecting back, I rushed into it and did it through obligation without asking God for guidance and direction.  I made a vow to God when I got married but truly feel divorce may be the best option for both of us as I feel I’m living the life of a lie.  I need to get out of my comfort zone, but is divorce the right option?

Sincerely,
Unhappy Husband

Dear Unhappy Husband,

There are many choices that we make in life that we don’t fully comprehend, but that doesn’t remove the consequences of those choices.  If you are driving down the highway and fail to note the speed limit… ignorance won’t stop the police officer from giving you a ticket.  When mankind makes choices in ignorance, those choices still affect us (1 Pet 1:14).  A marriage is a marriage – there are no exceptions.  The only reason that God allows divorce is when sexual immorality occurs (Matt 19:9).  You and your wife may not feel love toward one another, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show love toward her, and it also doesn’t mean you have the right to divorce her because you don’t get along.  You feel divorce would be the best option, but God says it isn’t – it is time to trust God and get out of your comfort zone by seeking marriage counseling and working on your marriage instead of abandoning it.

     What is your view on homosexuality?

Sincerely,
Looking For Perspectives

Dear Looking For Perspectives,

People may give mixed reviews on homosexuality, but the Bible is very clear – a homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.  Rom 1:27 makes it clear that homosexuality is one of the deepest forms of depravity in this life.  Jude 1:7 makes it clear that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because the people “went after strange flesh”, i.e. homosexual behavior.  From the beginning, God designed romantic and physical relationships to be between one man and one woman – for life (Matt 19:4-6).  Any other type of relationship is wrong.

     We went to a church that believed if you were married more than once you couldn’t be a deacon or preacher. This is because the Bible says you can only be the husband of one wife.  Is this a correct interpretation?

Sincerely,
Counting Criteria

Dear Counting Criteria,

The qualification you are referring to can be found in 1 Tim 3:12.  The phrase ‘husband of one wife’ literally means a ‘one-woman man’ in the Greek. He must be devoted exclusively and faithfully to his one wife. A man who is widowed and then remarried could still be properly described as a ‘one-woman man’ because he was completely devoted to his first wife until her death, and now is fully devoted to his current wife.

The question a congregation has to wrestle with is if a divorced brother has shown the character trait of monogamous fidelity. Why did he get divorced? Was it for infidelity? Was he always faithful to her? Did she leave him, or did he leave her? How does he behave with his current wife? How long has he been married to his current wife? The answers to these questions will help assess whether he is a faithful ‘one-woman man’.

Divorce is a red flag that should make us pause before appointing a man as a qualified deacon, but depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce, the man may still be qualified.

     I have a difficult decision to make.  This guy that I am dating is Hindu.  I just found out today.  I don’t know what to do; is it okay to date people outside of your religion? I have always believed it wouldn’t be, but I am not sure.  Please help.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Hindu Hindered

Dear Hindu Hindered,

You are right to be concerned.  It isn’t necessarily wrong to date someone who is Hindu, but you should be working toward his conversion WAY before marriage.  ‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).

No matter how much two people love each other, there are only five possible outcomes for a christian marrying a Hindu, and only one of them is good:

1. He eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
2. You eventually convert and follow Hinduism, and you are both lost (BAD).
3. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and you no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
4. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).
5. You bear through a lifetime of disagreement on the most important thing in life.  You stand strong in the faith, but are hindered in the amount of service you can provide the Lord (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after marriage than before. Either he will eventually convert, or he won’t – serious romantic commitment and/or marriage won’t increase those odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where would your children go to church? How much money would you contribute to God’s church – would he, being a Hindu, be okay with contributing anything at all? What happens when he wants to put up Hindu emblems around the house? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems inter-faith marriages present. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39).  It is time to have a serious heart-to-heart with this fellow and see if it is possible to get on the same spiritual page.

     Will a Christian man ever get back on the path of life after sleeping with an adulteress woman?

Sincerely,
I Really Messed Up

Dear I Really Messed Up,

Yes, you can be forgiven, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for your actions.  Paul said that he was chief amongst sinners, and yet, Christ forgave him (1 Tim 1:15-16).  Forgiveness is available when we confess our sins to Christ (1 Jn 1:9) and repent of them (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repentance’ means to ‘change your mind’… literally to make a change in how you think and act.  If you haven’t already stopped the adulterous relationship, you need to – now.  You also need to come clean about it; honesty and truth are a foundational concept in Christianity (Jhn 8:32).  Deception destroys; open truth illuminates (Jhn 3:19-20).  You have dug a big hole for yourself… it is time to get to work filling that hole back in.

Of course, all of this is moot if you aren’t a christian yet.  To see what the Bible says it takes to become a christian, read “What Must I Do To Be Saved?”.  It is obvious you want God’s forgiveness, and the Bible is the only book that can tell you how to get it.

God bless you brethren.  Is it the will of God for some Christians to remain single all their lives and not marry?

Sincerely,
Single

Dear Single,

Sometimes it is God’s will that people remain single.  When Jesus was asked about whether or not it was expedient to marry, He said that there were three reasons people don’t get married.  Mat 19:12 says:

1. They are born to not marry
2. They are made eunuchs by men
3. They choose not to marry for the sake of the Lord’s work.

These three reasons explain all the circumstances in the world where people abstain from marriage.  Some people don’t have the natural inclinations or tendencies toward marriage and finding a mate.  Others have either been physically or emotionally impacted so that marriage is no longer part of the equation for them.  And lastly, some people voluntarily abstain from marriage in order to be more effective servants for the Lord (1 Cor 7:32-33).  In each of these circumstances, there is a reason for the person abstaining from marriage, but only the first reason shows God’s hand.

     My boyfriend of thirteen years told me he can no longer have a relationship with me because I don’t attend church.  He said I need to follow his path.

Sincerely,
Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

We would have to side with your ex-boyfriend on this… but give us a second to explain why.  The end goal to your relationship is marriage, and ‘inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them.  No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes to a marriage between to people that don’t have the same spiritual goals, and only one of them is good:

1. You eventually convert, obey the gospel, become a christian, and are saved (this would be a really GOOD outcome).
2. He eventually forsakes the Lord, and you are both lost (BAD).
3. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and neither of you is fully committed to anything (BAD).
4. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before.  From your boyfriend’s perspective, if you aren’t with him on this journey to serve Christ – neither of you is going to be happy, with potentially eternally disastrous consequences.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to church?  What happens when you disagree on moral decisions – what is the standard you will use to come to an answer? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39).  If you are serious about this guy, you need to ask yourself if it is worth looking into Christianity to see if there is a reason that this wonderful man finds it so important.  Either way, you are both better off knowing where you stand before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

Is it a sin to be married when I was divorced before?  Will my husband go to hell if he stays married to me even if I was married before?

Sincerely,
Worried Wife

Dear Worried Wife,

It isn’t necessarily a sin for you to be married when you have been divorced before.  The situation depends on a lot of various factors, but be wary of anyone that tells you that Matt 19:9 forces you to divorce your current spouse and nullify your current marriage; there is more to it than that.  This issue is a big issue, and each individual must study the Scriptures concerning this before making a personal decision about it.  Whenever people send us questions dealing with marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we always point them toward our sermon series on the topic.  That series should answer most questions about the subject.  If there are still questions after listening to those five lessons – feel free to write back, but please make sure to include your e-mail, so we can contact you directly.  Here is a link to that series of sermons: “Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage”.  We appreciate your desire to find and do what is right.

     I was married for twenty years, and we separated due to another female in church; I prayed that our marriage would not end and we would reconcile.  But that didn’t happen; we were divorced, and he remarried after two weeks.  Can you tell me why my prayers were not answered?  And why they committed adultery, lied, and even stole from the church but still think that what they did was not wrong? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Devastated

Dear Devastated,

God desires for all of us to purify our hearts and minds and turn from sin, but He also gives us the freedom to choose for ourselves.  God has multiple principles that He must keep in balance at all times.  God hears prayers, but He also allows people to decide for themselves whether or not to be righteous or wicked.  If God simply forced people to become better people, that would remove our freedom of choice.  After all, He tells us that we reap what we sow in this life (Gal 6:7).

We cannot imagine the amount of pain you have been through.  It isn’t that God doesn’t hear prayers; it is that your husband chose to do something sinful.  God doesn’t like it (Mal 2:16), but as we said, God still respects our freewill.  As for how these two people can believe that what they did was okay… sadly, when we choose to do wicked things, it can sear our conscience (1 Tim 4:2), and people rationalize all sorts of sinful behavior because they “feel” it is right.  Every man believes he is right in his own eyes, but in the end, the Lord makes a just judgment (Pr 21:2).

     My boyfriend and I have been living together for about four years.  We have a one-year-old son and are both very active in his daily life.  To us, we have a perfect family, although we are not technically married.  We love each other very much and do plan to spend the rest of our lives together and have made that commitment to one another.  We would, however, like to wait until we are more financially stable to have a wedding ceremony as that can be quite expensive.  We recently rededicated our lives to Christ and are wondering if we are living in sin.  I believe that we are, but I am not sure what we should do about it.  Does God expect us to no longer live together, to rip our family apart and destroy our son’s happiness?  My boyfriend will not get married now as he does not believe we are living in sin as long as we are 100% committed to one another and have made a vow to one another and God that we plan to spend our lives only with one another.  I really want to live my life for God and I do in all ways but this.  I cannot imagine allowing this to destroy my family.  Please offer some advice.

Sincerely,
Mixed Emotions Mom

Dear Mixed Emotions Mom,

There is nothing more important to God than you, your boyfriend, and your child.  God loves us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us (Jhn 3:16).  As a parent, can you imagine how deep His love for us must be to make such a sacrifice?

God wants what is best for us.  The best thing is for you and your boyfriend to get married.  Living together is wrong, and no matter how committed you are, it isn’t the same as being married.  In Jhn 4:18, Jesus told a woman that she was not married even though she was living with a man.  No matter how your boyfriend feels about you, he isn’t your husband.  Show him Jhn 4:18, and then ask him (since you said you are both committed to serving Christ) what he wants to do about it.

As far as the costs involved with getting married, you don’t have to have a big wedding – a quick trip to the courthouse is perfectly fine.  Save up and have a big party later.  A big, extravagant ceremony is just a luxury, but being married is an issue of morality.

God doesn’t want to rip families apart; He wants us to be saved and to build our lives upon a proper foundation – Jesus Christ and His Word (1 Cor 3:11).  It may seem like your life is working well now, but we can guarantee you that not listening to the Bible always makes things worse.  There are some things that your child doesn’t fully understand but that you, as the parent, realize are dangerous or important.  God is the same way.  You don’t see why it is so important to be married, but God says it is.  Will you trust Him, or will you trust yourself (Rom 10:17)?  The answer to that question will decide your future and set the tone for your life and for your son’s life (Pr 22:6).

     My wife says she won’t be submissive; she says she never has and never will, and if that’s the way I think, maybe we should end our marriage.  She also says that submission was only a thing of that time period.  I want to live the best christian life that I can; what should I say or do?

Sincerely,
Too Aggressive?

Dear Too Aggressive,

The Bible never commands a husband to make his wife submit.  God commands husbands to love their wives and wives to submit to their husbands (Eph 5:24-25).  You cannot force your wife to submit to you, nor is it your job to do that.  She will answer to God for the choices she makes in your marriage, and you will answer to God for the choices you make.

Love your wife and care for her as you do your own body (Eph 5:28).  Don’t be embittered against her (Col 3:19).  These are the commands to a husband.  When you live a godly life and follow your responsibilities, you show her that there is another way to live.  When a husband lives up to his biblical responsibilities, he becomes a leader in his home.  When he does that, his wife has a leader worth following.

     Has God ever approved of polygamy?

Sincerely,
Double Vows?

Dear Double Vows,

Polygamy is never expressly condemned in the Bible.  It is also never treated as the standard… only the exception.  There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24).
2. No polygamy existed until seven generations after Adam (Gen 4:19).
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13).
4. It is a qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6).
5. It is a qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12).
6. It is a qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9).
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.).
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23).
9. God clearly states it as His design for marriage in the New Testament (1 Cor 7:2).

On the same hand, there are multiple examples of the pitfalls of polygamy:

1. Sarah and Hagar fought (Gen 16:4).
2. Rachel and Leah fought over Jacob (Gen 29:30-31).
3. Hannah and Penninah’s rivalry (1 Sam 1:2-6)
4. Solomon’s idolatrous wives (1 Kings 11:4)

God allowed polygamy in the Old Testament because the Old Testament was a tutor designed to lead people toward a better and more permanent covenant (Gal 3:24-25).  David lived in a time when God allowed polygamy even though it wasn’t His long-term preference for mankind.  In the New Testament, we are told God desires for marriage to be between one man and one woman (1 Cor 7:2).

Is it a sin to marry or have a relationship with your first cousin?

Sincerely,
Taboo?

Dear Taboo,

The Bible never condemns marrying your first cousin.  Even in the Old Testament, the prohibition only extended as far as aunts and uncles (Lev 18:12-14).  It isn’t a sin to marry your first cousin.  In fact, it hasn’t even been culturally taboo for very long.  Even two or three generations ago, it was much more common to marry a first cousin.  Today, it is an odd thing to see a first cousin marriage, but it isn’t wrong.  Cultures change all the time, and this is a cultural issue, not a Biblical one.

     If a couple gets married by a christian pastor but does not record it with the local government, how does God view it?  I would assume He deems it legal and binding.  But, of course, the government does not view it as legal and binding.  Thank you for answering my question!

Sincerely,
Veiled Vows

Dear Veiled Vows,

Whether or not the marriage is legitimate could very much be debated, but there is really no Biblical precedent for being “married before God” and not married before the law.  Christians are supposed to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-3).  In fact, you can’t even find a verse that says marriages need to be performed by religious figures.  If a religious figure could perform a marriage ceremony without legal documentation… why couldn’t a Justice of the Peace perform the same ceremony without legal documentation?  The religious leader doesn’t have any more biblical authority to skip the paperwork than the civil leader would.

The Scriptures say that people should get married rather than live together in a sinful relationship (1 Cor 6:18), AND they say that we should obey the laws of the land (1 Pet 2:13-15).  In your scenario, the couple would be obeying one command… but not the other (if they are “not legally married”, that – by definition – means they would be doing something they believe/know is illegal).  We can’t simply obey some of God’s laws and forsake the others.  The sum of God’s Word is truth (Ps 119:160).

     Is it sinful to become aroused? Or have sexual desires?

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Sexual desires are not wrong, but like all desires, they must be fulfilled in only righteous ways.  God designed men and women to be attracted to one another.  God even said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen 2:18)  God’s solution to Adam’s loneliness was marriage to Eve (Gen 2:24).  Sexual desires are normal, but we must guard against sinful temptations that are often associated with those desires – temptations like adultery, pornography, and other types of fornication.  We should flee from all those things (1 Cor 6:18).  However, the desires aren’t in and of themselves wrong; they are just designed to be fulfilled in marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Sincerely,
Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Sex before marriage is a sin.  From the very beginning, God designed marriage as the realm for sexual relations (Gen 2:24).  1 Cor 7:1-2 states that any relations outside of marriage are fornication.  God tells us to flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Even though sexual immorality is rampant in our culture and accepted by our society, that doesn’t make it right.  Christians are called to honor God and honor marriage by leaving the marriage bed pure and undefiled (Heb 13:4).

     My husband is a good christian and a kind man.  He is an attorney and works very hard, but he just can’t seem to attract a steady flow of income.  My mom and I pray for him every day.  It makes me wonder, after twenty-four years of marriage, why God does not answer our prayers.  I don’t know what to do if we are somehow blocking God’s blessings somehow.  I don’t know how to help my husband.  Obviously, God must be waiting for some good reason, but it is difficult when the lights go out or we can’t afford even the basics.  He will get good clients for a while and then have a long dry spell.  Do you think the Lord is trying to teach him something?  So many thoughtless people have money and security.  It seems the Lord is looking the other way (although I praise Him for His blessings every day).  What can I do?

Sincerely,
Lawyer’s Wife

Dear Lawyer’s Wife,

We all have our struggles, and it sounds like this one is your family’s.  It would be easy to give you advice if your husband was unwilling to work, but as you said, that isn’t the case.  Sometimes, good people struggle with burdens that seem very unfair.  After all, the righteous David had to hide in caves and mountains while wicked Saul lived in luxury.

In Ps 73:3-12, the psalmist, Asaph, ponders why it is that wicked people prosper and the righteous are downtrodden.  The question vexed him deeply because his enemies succeeded while he, a godly man, was constantly in pain (Ps 73:13-14).  Eventually, Asaph went to the temple and thought about the end of a wicked man’s life (Ps 73:16-17).

A life of wickedness is a slippery slope – one lie leads to another until all you have is a tangle of lies and deception (Ps 73:18).  The wicked man has no peace because he is totally dependent upon his own strength and wiles for success… every moment of life is lived upon a precipice (Ps 73:19).

Contrast that life to one of a righteous man.  God holds the hand of the righteous, so they will not despair (Ps 73:23), and God is a righteous man’s counselor and friend (Ps 73:24).  Ultimately, the righteous go to heaven, and the wicked spend eternity in hell (Ps 73:25).

It may seem like wicked people prosper, but eventually, their wickedness becomes their downfall.  Sometimes, their sins take years to catch up with them (pay attention to some of the latest headlines in politics and Hollywood), but they always do.  If a man becomes wealthy through evil… he may have money, but he won’t have peace.  As Pr 15:17 points out, a wealthy feast filled with hatred isn’t nearly as enjoyable as a humble meal eaten with loving friends.  Financial prosperity is not synonymous with happiness.

You are doing the right thing.  Continue to encourage your husband.  You are learning one of the most valuable lessons in life – to be content with what you have and place your trust in the Lord (Php 4:11-13).

My ex-wife and I were both members of the church when she decided to divorce me. Am I now free to re-marry?

Sincerely,
Alone and Lonely

Dear Alone And Lonely,

Your question deals with the issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage.  This issue is a big issue, and each individual must study the Scriptures concerning this before making a personal decision about it.  Whenever people send us questions dealing with marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we always point them toward our sermon series on the topic.  That series should answer most questions about the subject.  If there are still questions after listening to those five lessons – feel free to write back, but please make sure to include your e-mail, so we can contact you directly.  Here is a link to that series of sermons: “Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage”.  We are so very sorry for your pain and the sorrow you are going through.  We appreciate your desire to do find and do what is right, regardless of the consequences.

Today, many older people cannot afford to marry due to funds they get  each month for different reasons.  They will lose part of their money.  What does a christian do about this problem?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Social Insecurity

Dear Social Insecurity,

There is a reason that the marriage vows include the words “for richer or for poorer”.  We can certainly sympathize with difficult financial circumstances, but money problems aren’t an excuse for living together outside of wedlock.  Young and old alike have financial considerations to factor in when getting married.  God promises that if we trust Him and do what is right, He will always take care of us (Rom 8:28).  If two people truly love each other and want to get married, then they should both count the cost and just say, “I do”.  No matter what, it would be ungodly to have sexual relations outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2).

My mom was adopted, so we don’t know her family history well.  What would you do if you found out your boyfriend of twelve years maybe your cousin?  We have no children together.  He doesn’t know we may be cousins… we live together… WHAT DO WE DO FROM HERE?

Sincerely,
Regretful Researcher

Dear Regretful Researcher,

The very first thing you need to do is stop living together before you are married.  More important than any biological issues your future children may have, you are sinning, and that is much worse than any physical problem.  The reason people don’t get married – but instead (outside of marriage) have sex, live together, have children together, and eventually destroy their lives – is because we spend our lives making up the rules as we go.  We live our lives by the “what-makes-me-feel-good-right-now” philosophy.  We have no real standard to live by other than what we feel at the moment.  Like Pilate, we ask, “What is truth?” (Jhn 18:38) because we don’t know where to find the right answers to life.  How can we know what is the right thing to do?  Only the Creator can give us a rulebook for life that allows us to comfortably say, “I’m making the right choice.”  Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life (Jhn 14:6).  All the answers to life are found in His Scriptures (2 Pet 1:3).  If we want our relationships, our families, our careers, and our lives to work, we have to use the manual.

Biblically, there is nothing wrong with marrying your cousin – people did it quite commonly just a couple generations ago.  You would have to consider the medical ramifications of having children, but that is a medical decision – not a moral one.  As we said, more importantly than anything else is that you make your lives right with God.

I have a friend who recently went through a divorce.  His wife got tired of him, and she left him.  She took him to court for a divorce, but he never wanted a divorce.  He tried to stop it and wanted to work things out.  During the court proceedings, he found out that she had found someone else.  After that, he decided that the divorce could go on.  It has been nearly a year since the divorce, and his ex is now engaged.  Does he have a right to remarry since he only agreed to the divorce once he knew she had cheated?  Any help would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Your question deals with the issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage.  This issue is a big issue, and each individual must study the Scriptures concerning this before making a personal decision about it.  Whenever people send us questions dealing with marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we always point them toward our sermon series on the topic.  That series should answer most questions about the subject.  If there are still questions after listening to those five lessons – feel free to write back, but please make sure to include your e-mail, so we can contact you directly.  Here is a link to that series of sermons: “Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage”.

Is sex before marriage a sin and why?

Sincerely,
Unvowed

Dear Unvowed,

Sex before marriage is a sin.  From the very beginning, God designed marriage as the realm for sexual relations (Gen 2:24).  1 Cor 7:1-2 states that any relations outside of marriage are fornication.  God tells us to flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Even though sexual immorality is rampant in our culture and accepted by our society, that doesn’t make it right.  Christians are called to honor God and honor marriage by leaving the marriage bed pure and undefiled (Heb 13:4).

Is it a sin for a christian to marry a Muslim?

Sincerely,
Inter-Faith Marriage

Dear Inter-Faith Marriage,

‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).

No matter how much they love each other, there are only four possible outcomes for an inter-faith marriage, and only one of them is good:

1. The Muslim eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
2. The christian eventually converts and becomes a Muslim, and they are both lost (BAD).
3. They both make compromises in their beliefs, and the christian no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
4. They both eventually renounce both of their belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before. Either the Muslim will eventually convert, or they won’t – getting married won’t increase the odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church/mosque? How much money will you contribute to Islam vs. God’s church? What happens when the Muslim wants to put up Koran writings around the house? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you would run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39).

I saw your post about dating, but is it true that not every one is blessed?  I believe that not every one finds their love.  There are a lot of people out there without a wife or a husband.  I don’t believe that there is a girl or boy for everyone.

Sincerely,
Lone Star

Dear Lone Star,

Matt 19:12 says that there are three reasons that people decide to never marry.

1. They are born without a desire for marriage.
2. Life circumstances lead to their bachelorhood.
3. They choose to abstain from marriage so as to better serve God.

You are right that some people never get married.  Though the majority of people decide to, marriage isn’t necessary to serve God.

The other issue that you bring up is the idea that people have one right person for them to marry – a “soul mate”.  The Bible never teaches the idea that there is only one fish in the sea for each of us.  The Bible says a lot about how to find a godly spouse, but it never implies that there is only one right person for each of us.  If that were the case, it would be wrong to remarry after your spouse dies because you had already found “the one”, and any other marriage would be with someone that wasn’t your soul mate.

We are born-again christians who have been invited to a wedding ceremony led by a shaman.  The groom believes in Buddhism.  The bride is going along for the ride since she does not practice her christian faith.  I know that, at times, we should hate the sin but love the sinner.  Should we go?  Is it against our faith to do so?

Sincerely,
Wedding Guests

Dear Wedding Guests,

It is not inherently wrong to go to a wedding that involves false religion.  If it were a Catholic wedding, you probably would go, and they are just as wrong as the shaman.  Having said that, this wedding probably feels worse because the ceremony doesn’t even pretend to call on the name of Christ.  This is an issue of wisdom, and you will have to prayerfully make the decision for yourselves after considering the following Bible principles:

1. You should never do anything against your conscience.  Your conscience is that part of you that makes you feel bad if you do what you think is wrong, and it makes you feel good if you do what you think is right.  Your conscience isn’t always correct, but we are told to always strive for a pure conscience (2 Tim 1:3, 1 Tim 1:5).  Even if you know that you can go to this wedding, if you can’t feel good about it – you shouldn’t go.
2. It is also important to consider your influence.  Do you believe you will make more of an impact with the couple by going to the wedding or by refusing to go?  Matt 5:16 says that we should let our light shine, so others may see our good works and glorify God.  You mentioned that the bride is an apathetic believer… would making a stand show her that she needs to deal with her faith (or lack thereof)?  It may be that not going will burn bridges, or it might be that it will start a dialogue… only you can decide which is the right course.
3. Do you believe that going to this wedding would show that you approve of their religious views?  God tells us to never become partners with idolatry (2 Cor 6:14-16).  There is a distinction between attending a wedding and participating in its religious sentiments; it is a fine line but one that you must consider.  Are you supposed to be in the wedding?  Will they be asking you to partake in some sort of Buddhist rituals?  These are questions worth asking.  In fact, asking the bride and groom about the details of the wedding may be the way to have the dialogue you are hoping for.

All in all, these principles can help you to make a decision that is faithful to the Lord, your conscience, and your influence in the world.

I just read the Marriage Clif Notes.  Is it okay for the wife to be the boss (because in my house, my wife is the boss)?  I guess it is the new thing today.

Sincerely,
Second-In-Command

Dear Second-In-Command,

Husbands are to be the spiritual leaders of their homes (Eph 5:23); the fact that it is popular and normal for men to shirk that responsibility and allow their wives to fill the leadership void doesn’t make it right.  A man that will not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8), and many a woman has torn her house down with her own hands because she doesn’t let her husband lead (Pr 14:1).  A nagging, bossy wife (Pr 11:22) and a lazy, apathetic husband (Pr 12:24) are a recipe for a disastrous marriage.  God designed husbands to lovingly lead their families and wives to respectfully support their husbands.

What does the Bible (and where) say about two people living together prior to marriage?

Sincerely,
Spare Key

Dear Spare Key,

Moving in together would be a sin as well as a temptation toward further sin. No matter how pure our intentions might be, two people of the opposite sex living together looks bad. Even if you weren’t actually sleeping together, nobody would believe you. God tells us to abstain from every form of evil (1 Thess 5:22). The word ‘form’ in that verse literally means “shape or appearance”. Christians need to not only avoid sin – but avoid looking like they are sinning. A boyfriend and girlfriend living together (no matter how chaste) looks like a sinful relationship. The Bible also tells us to do the things which are ‘honorable in the sight of all men’ (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). Consider what living together before marriage does to the honor of your girlfriend/boyfriend. God wants you to do what is in their best interest and uphold their reputation and honor.

Secondarily, the temptation to sleep together will certainly grow with living together. There is nothing abnormal about a man and a woman being strongly attracted to each other. God recognizes that young people naturally are inclined to burn with passion for the opposite sex (1 Cor 7:9). The key is to make sure you don’t put yourselves in a position that could compromise your integrity. We are to ‘flee fornication’ (1 Cor 6:18) and be wise as serpents in regard to righteousness (Matt 10:16). Don’t set yourselves up to sin.

The idea of living together before marriage is a modern one – not a Biblical one. Biblically speaking, if you aren’t ready to get married, you aren’t ready to live together. The deepest act of love you could show to your girlfriend/boyfriend would be to wait until you are ready for marriage.

What does the Bible say about marriage?

Sincerely,
I Do

Dear I Do,

The Bible says quite a bit about marriage… more than we can cover in a single AYP post.  We can try and hit the highlights though.

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman (Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5).  Homosexual relationships are not, and cannot be, marriages.
2. Marriage is intended for a lifetime – God hates divorce (Mal 2:16).
3. The husband is supposed to lead his family and love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:23).
4. The wife is supposed to respect her husband (Eph 5:33).

As we said, those are the quick highlights.  If you have more specific questions, please feel free to write back in.

To follow up on your response to the question of wearing wedding rings, you seem to be saying traditions are fine as long as the intention behind them is good.  There seems to be no New Testament evidence of using rings in a wedding ceremony.  In previous responses to questions regarding using musical instruments in worship, you have made statements such as, “The problem with instrumental music in worship is that it isn’t a part of the Bible pattern, and the moment we start doing things outside the Bible, we have gone beyond what God intended (1 Cor 4:6).”  Also, “There are no examples of the church using instruments to worship God in the New Testament.  If we start using them, we are adding something to God’s Word (Rev 22:18-19).”  I assume you, as elders and pastors of your local congregation, have conducted many wedding ceremonies (probably involving the exchange of rings).  How is allowing extra-biblical traditions such as exchanging rings in a wedding not in opposition to your previous statements?  If man-made traditions are fine as long as the intent behind them is good, why have a problem with congregations that use musical instruments in worship?

Sincerely,
Ringing In My Ears

Dear Ringing In My Ears,

The difference between instruments in worship and wedding rings is that God has given specific commands regarding singing, but He hasn’t given specific commands about wedding ceremonies.  The Bible specifically commands the church to sing and make melody in our hearts to God (Col 3:16, Eph 5:19).  When God gives a specific command, we cannot go beyond what He has written (1 Cor 4:6) and decide that since God wants us to sing, we should sing and play instruments – that is adding to the Bible (Rev 22:18-19).

However, weddings are an entirely different situation.  God tells men and women to get married (Matt 19:5), but He leaves it at that – the details are up to us.  This is a general command.  General commands leave the specifics up to the individuals.  For example, if your told someone to fill your car with gas, they would have the option to use premium or basic gas, they could decide which gas station to go to, etc.  The specific details would be left up to the individual.  Since God authorizes marriage, we are left to make our own decisions regarding what the marriage ceremony will entail.

Why do most christians wear wedding rings?  I heard that ancient pagan Romans were probably responsible for beginning the use of engagement and wedding rings.  Originally, the ring was placed on the third finger of the left hand because of a superstitious belief that a vein from this finger runs directly to the heart.  Although this superstitious idea is no longer believed by most people, wedding rings are still placed on the third finger of the left hand by the majority of wearers.  There is nothing in the Bible saying we should do this.  Why have christians held on to this pagan practice?

Sincerely,
Ringed Out

Dear Ringed Out,

Many people wear jewelry that depicts ancient idolatrous behavior (almost all Native American artwork falls into this category) or practice traditions that have ancient pagan roots… the important thing is how those traditions and jewelry are perceived today.  As Paul said, “We know that an idol is nothing” (1 Cor 8:4).  The wedding ring and the tradition of wearing it on the third finger of the left hand have no intrinsic evil to them; it is only if those traditions are perceived as acts of idol worship that they become sinful.  If people believed you were wearing your wedding ring for pagan Roman purposes (or if it offended your conscience), you would have to stop (1 Cor 8:7-9).  However, most wedding ceremonies today state that the ring is a symbol of unending love – not a symbol of pagan worship.  The wedding ring’s beginnings may or may not be idolatrous… nobody knows definitively where the tradition comes from.  Regardless of its past, in today’s society, wedding rings almost universally represent a pure commitment to matrimony.

Is a marriage performed by a woman (clergy, not a judge) valid in God’s eyes?

Sincerely,
A Don’t In The “Do”?

Dear A Don’t In The “Do”,

If a couple was married by a woman religious figure, it is probably safe to assume that they weren’t yet christians when they got married.  1 Cor 7:17 and 1 Cor 17:20 say that when someone becomes a christian, they should remain as they are called.  This means that when you become a christian, your pre-christian marriage (along with other commitments) remain valid.  So, if one were to be married by a false religious leader, the marriage would still be valid because the vows still count.

Which brings up a second point.  Marriage is a vow between two people.  Whether it is witnessed by a Justice of the Peace, a ship’s captain, or a minister – it is still a vow.  Who performs the ceremony is a secondary issue from a Bible standpoint (Matt 5:37, Matt 23:16-23).

I have two questions:

1. I am a married woman, and in the Bible, it says that a wife’s desire is to please her husband, but what if I don’t have that?  Is it a sin?  And what if I don’t want it?

2. Is it wrong to pray and ask God for a way out of my marriage?

I also want to let you know I’m a christian and love God with all my heart, and I love my husband and do treat my husband well, but I think he needs someone who wishes to please him.

Sincerely,
Runaway Bride

Dear Runaway Bride,

The verse you are referring to is Gen 3:16, and it has to do with the fact that the husband will rule over the household, and the wife will be his helper – it has nothing to do with the personal desire to make someone happy.  The Bible instead says that it is often very hard to want to show respect and love for your spouse – that is why it is a command (Eph 5:33).  God commands us to do things because they are things that are good for us… but not necessarily what we want to do.  Many women don’t want to please their husbands, but they choose to do what is in his best interest anyways.  True godliness is built upon a decision to do what is right, even when you don’t feel like it.  So to answer your first question: you don’t have to feel a strong desire to please your husband, but you do need to try and be a godly, faithful wife.  When you stop trying, that is a sin (Jas 4:17).

To answer your second question: yes, it is wrong to pray for a way out of your marriage.  God doesn’t desire for marriages to be destroyed (Mal 2:16), and He wants marriage to be for a lifetime (Mk 10:6-9).  We are told to never pray for things that go against God’s will (1 Jn 5:14).  Praying for a way out of your marriage is definitely against God’s will.

What does the Bible say about premarital sex?

Sincerely,
Waiting

Dear Waiting,

It is always sinful for people to lay with one another outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:1-4).  Sex outside of marriage is called ‘fornication’ – it is sinful and will bring you into judgment.  Marriage is a sacred institution, and the marriage bed is to be held in honor and left undefiled (Heb 13:4).  Sexual morality is very important, and we are warned that fornication puts the soul in jeopardy (Rev 21:8).

What can a physically abusive man do to stop his ways?  He loves Christ, but he gets mad and flips out; then he repents over and over.

Sincerely,
Hoping To Help Him

Dear Hoping To Help Him,

He can stop his ways whenever it is important to him.  Contrary to what he says, this abusive man isn’t out of control – he can stop being abusive whenever he wants to.  In fact, abusive spouses are in complete control of their behavior.  Saying they “lose control” is just an excuse to continue sinful behavior.  Consider that:

1. Abusers pick and choose whom they want to abuse.  Abusers don’t assault or threaten everyone in their lives, only the ones they claim to love and care about.  Abusers have enough self-control to safely interact with employers, grocery clerks, and a thousand other people.
2. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse.  Abusive spouses act appropriately in public but unleash their rage in private.  They have enough self-control to hide their behavior from society.
3. Abusers are able to stop when it benefits them (for example: when the police show up, their boss calls, etc.).
4. Worst of all, the most violent of domestic abusers are able to show enough control to aim their blows where they will be hidden from the public.  Many physically abusive adults specifically pick to leave marks only in places that won’t show.

In short, domestic violence isn’t uncontrollable – it is a choice.  All sin is something we have a say in, and it is our decision whether or not to let it be our master (Gen 4:7).  If you are in an abusive relationship, do not accept the lie that they can’t control their behavior.  Physical abuse is inexcusable.  God says that we should love our children (Tit 2:4) and love our spouses (Eph 5:28).  Domestic violence is the exact opposite of that command.

Why should I wait for sex?

Sincerely,
Just Askin’

Dear Just Askin’,

There are two ways to answer your question.  One way to answer your question would be to list the thousands of statistics that describe how much healthier of a lifestyle monogamy is.  We could explain the risks of promiscuity and the increased failure rate of relationships that pursue intimacy before marriage.  There are studies far and wide that prove the healthiest, happiest, and most well-adjusted relationships are monogamous relationships that wait until marriage… but that isn’t the way we are going to answer your question because as compelling as secular studies are, they aren’t nearly as compelling as the Bible.

The other way to answer your question is to tell you that God says sex outside of marriage is a sin and that we should flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  God designed that level of intimacy for marriage only (Eph 5:31).  Our Creator knows what is best for us, and His Bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin.  That is why you should wait.

My wife and I have been married for thirty-two years, and we have three grown sons (30, 28, and 26). The twenty-six year old refuses to grow up, and my wife won’t let him grow up.  He’s living with a woman and her two children.  He calls my wife for everything!  He does not have a job, and my wife jumps every time He calls.  This is causing serious stress on our marriage!  I am a preacher, and I want to do the right thing!  A house divided shall not stand.  How should I handle this issue? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Father

Dear Frustrated Father,

There is only one verse that is needed to address an adult that won’t work and pay their own bills – “If any will not work, neither let them eat” (2 Thess 3:10).  Financially supporting someone who won’t work, especially in these hard economic times when others are struggling to find work, is wrong.  The Bible advice is simple – no more handouts.  Make the decision, as a couple, that you will stand together and do what is best for your son.  Don’t lay the blame solely on your wife; a husband is responsible for the decisions of his house (Eph 5:23).

What is wrong with racial marriage?

Sincerely,
Color Blind

Dear Color Blind,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial marriage.  First of all, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve (Gen 3:20), and, therefore, race is a moot point.  Secondly, in Christ, such things as race have no significance (Gal 3:27-28).  The only concern you should have when falling in love and marrying is whether or not they are “in the Lord”, i.e. a christian (1 Cor 7:39).

What are some good Bible verses that tell us same-sex marriage/relationships are wrong?

Sincerely,
Looking For Bible Answers

Dear Looking For Bible Answers,

There are numerous verses that condemn homosexuality.  In the New Testament, 1 Cor 6:9 specifically states that homosexuals cannot inherit the kingdom.  Rom 1:26-27 says that homosexuality is a perversion of God’s natural design of men and women.  1 Cor 7:2 points out that marriage is intended for a man and a woman (Matt 19:4-6 also states this).  Jude 1:7 points out that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for their homosexual behavior.  Those are some of the most forthright New Testament verses on the subject.

This is a very controversial topic, so feel free not to answer if you see fit.  I don’t believe homosexuality is right.   I feel it is sinful and wrong.  I was just wondering, as a religious official, what is your opinion?  And how could someone overcome such a battle?

Sincerely,
Taking A Stand

Dear Taking A Stand,

People may give mixed reviews on homosexuality, but the Bible is very clear – a homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.  Rom 1:27 makes it clear that homosexuality is one of the deepest forms of depravity in this life.  Jude 1:7 makes it clear that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because the people “went after strange flesh”, i.e. homosexual behavior.  From the beginning, God designed romantic and physical relationships to be between one man and one woman – for life (Matt 19:4-6).  Any other type of relationship is wrong.

Homosexuality is such a controversial issue because modern society teaches that people are born homosexual, but this simply isn’t true.  Nobody is forced to have a sinful homosexual relationship.  The argument of the homosexual community is that they are born desiring people of the same sex and that they have no choice.  That simply cannot be true.  God makes it clear that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able (1 Cor 10:13).  Even if someone is born with a predisposition toward homosexuality – they aren’t forced to act upon it.  We always have a choice.  There is always a way of escape from sin.  We often use 1 Cor 10:13 as a proof text that no one is born “gay”.
Homosexuality is like all other sins; we sin when we act upon the lust.  God does not tempt us to sin (Jas 1:13).  It is our own lusts that entice us to do the wrong thing (Jas 1:14-16).  One person has a tendency toward anger, another has a tendency toward alcoholism, and some may in fact have a tendency toward homosexuality – but that tendency does not force them to sin.  We need to put away all filthiness of the flesh and be doers of God’s Word (Jas 1:21-22).

I am a christian.  I was saved when I was a teenager, but I was never baptized.  Does this mean that I am going to go to hell?  Also, I am engaged, but my fiancé is Jewish.  Is this wrong?  We both believe in God. Would it be wrong for me to go to synagogue?  Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your answers.

Sincerely,
Preparing For The Future

Dear Preparing For The Future,

Let’s deal with the baptism question first.  Baptism is necessary for salvation.  The Bible teaches that when we believe and are baptized, we are saved (Mk 16:16).  Peter says that baptism saves us (1 Pet. 3:21), and Paul says that when we are immersed in baptism, we are buried with Christ and given a new life (Rom 6:1-3).  It is a wonderful thing that you believed in Christ as a teenager.  Without belief, baptism means nothing.  It is impossible to please God without faith (Heb 11:6).  However, biblical faith includes action (Jas 2:14-17, Jas 1:22).  Baptism is the first act of faith God requires of us, and it is baptism that removes our sins (Acts 2:38).  If you would like, we would be happy to get you in touch with someone in your area who could teach you further and, if you are ready, baptize you.  Simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if we can help.
Now let’s look at your engagement.  The Jewish religion does not believe and teach that Jesus is the Savior.  This is a very big problem.  The New Testament says that it is impossible to be saved without Jesus (Jhn 14:6).  The apostle John probably put it the bluntest when he said that any teacher that denies Jesus is a deceiver and enemy of God (2 Jn 1:7).  Modern Judaism is not a faithful religion.  God tells us to avoid marriages that will “unequally yoke” us (2 Cor 6:14).  Marriage is the most important and intimate relationship you will have on this planet.  If you aren’t worshipping the same God, your marriage will not work.  Even the wisest man in history, Solomon, found that his heart was turned from God because he married women that weren’t faithful (1 Kgs 11:4).  The Bible firmly warns against marrying non-christians.
We are sure that this information doesn’t make things easier for you, and it probably isn’t what you were hoping to hear, but we would rather tell you a painful truth than an easy lie.  We wish you the very best as you have some difficult decisions to consider.

I’ve been dating a Hindu woman for about eight months.  I have fallen in love with her.  I would love to marry her, as she would be a great wife.  However, she is not a christian.  Over the months, we have talked about religion, and she has shown some (a little) interest in Christianity.  I know only God can lead her to Christ, so this is the question I pose.  Is it selfish for me to pray for her to be lead to Christ, so I can be with her?  I feel this is a self-centered prayer because I want her to be saved because I want to be with her and have a Christ-centered relationship… and not really because of her salvation.  I feel guilty and very confused.  I have prayed about this for quite a while, and I hope you will be able to shed some light on this issue.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Praying To Propose

Dear Praying To Propose,

Why can’t you have both?  It is possible to pray for her conversion because you love her and want to marry her and so that she can go to heaven.  The two goals aren’t mutually exclusive.  In fact, we can’t think of a better win-win scenario.  God tells us to pray for the things we want but to also pray that His will be done (Matt 6:10, Jas 4:15).  In this case, you know that what you want is definitely the same as what God wants.  God wants everyone to be saved (Ezek 18:23).  Pray for her, be a good example, prepare ahead of time in your heart to never marry a non-christian, and be ready to answer her questions with logical Bible answers (1 Pet 3:15).  Hopefully, she has as honest a heart as you hope.

I live in an apartment complex, and the guy that works around here is a pastor.  About a week ago, he came to fix something in my house.  He is a married man, and he gave me a hug.  I am a single woman.  I have not been with a man in four years.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Tenant

Dear Tenant,

If you believe that there was more to the hug than just platonic kindness – you should make sure that you aren’t ever in a position to be alone with this man.  The problem with something like a hug is that it isn’t a definitively inappropriate gesture, but as a general rule, your “radar” is correct when you sense something wrong with a situation.  The Bible gives one command regarding sexual temptation – FLEE (1 Cor 6:18).  Sexual relations are only intended for a husband and a wife (1 Cor 7:1-2).  You are not married and should avoid all inappropriate relationships with this man.  Adultery and fornication only bring heartache and pain (Pr 5:3-6).

My grandmother is Christian, but she has been married twice.  Both of the men she married are also Christian.  The first guy she married cheated on her, so they divorced, but she still loves him, so I was wondering who will she be with in heaven.  Will she be with the first guy she married or her current husband?

Sincerely,
Family Ties

Dear Family Ties,

Jesus was asked a very similar question by a group of Sadducees in Matt 22:23-28.  Jesus’ answer was simple – there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).  No one will be married in heaven.