I’ve been married for over a decade and born again for that long also, but there is a sinful problem in my life.  I haven’t physically slept with anyone, but I struggle with flirting, porn, and putting myself in compromising situations.  I talked to many people (pastors, friends, etc., even my wife).  I still haven’t overcome it yet.  I exhausted these talks with my wife; it’s starting to bring her down, so now, I keep it to myself.  Is there any hope of freedom for me, or am I stuck this way for life?  If you can help me, write back, please.

Sincerely,
Enslaved

Dear Enslaved,

The Bible makes several statements about sexual sins and how to avoid them:

1. Flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Keeping yourself out of compromising situations is a logistical decision.  Put accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your computer and only use it in a public area.  Stay away from social situations and places that are a temptation.  In short, don’t put yourself somewhere where you can make a bad decision.
2. Replace bad habits with good ones (Lk 11:24-26).  Make a decision to court and flirt with your wife.  Find joy in the wife of your youth (Pr 5:18).  Make it your personal campaign to rekindle the joy and happiness of your marriage.  Take all of that wasted energy and apply it to a godly romance.  Your current choices are destroying your wife and marriage… this will do the exact opposite.

These two habits are stressed over and over again in the Scriptures.  The last thing that we would recommend is what you are already doing.  By using this site and talking to others, you are surrounding yourself with good counsel (Pr 15:22).

I have been talking to this guy for about seven months now.  We live in different cities.  I have fallen in love with him, and he has with me, too.  Here is the problem: he is married, but the two have never lived in the same house, shared debts, supported each other, and her family has him followed and is always putting him down.  Yes, they have had relations, and he wants a divorce but doesn’t believe he has biblical grounds to do so.  Does he have grounds to divorce her and marry me (which is what he wants to do in his heart, but he is afraid that if we do, then we are committing adultery, but he already has done that in his heart and isn’t sorry that he has fallen in love with me)?  I need help fast.

Sincerely,
Not His Wife

Dear Not His Wife,

He has absolutely no grounds to divorce her, and any level of romantic relationship that you two share is sinful and dangerous.  Regardless of the state of his marriage… he is married.  The fact that he has been rationalizing an extramarital affair for the last seven months hasn’t made it right.  It is important to realize that following your heart isn’t the same as doing the right thing (Pr 12:15).  In fact, doing the right thing is often a matter of doing the exact opposite of what we want to do (Matt 16:24).

If you choose to willfully sin, your soul is in eternal peril (Heb 10:26).  The best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to cut this relationship off.  There are many wonderful men in this world that you may pursue that won’t send you to hell.

I have recently asked a woman to marry me.  We are both christians and have taken the christian steps towards marriage (abstinence and christian counseling).  I just have a strong feeling this marriage may be against God’s will.  I foolishly did not pray before becoming engaged, and now I feel God is warning me that I am not in His will.  If you have any Scriptures or suggestions on finding God’s will concerning marriage, please let me know.  Thank you so much for all you do.  God Bless you.

Sincerely,
Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

The Bible is only specific about one prerequisite for marriage; everything else is a matter of wisdom and preference.  Christians should only marry other christians (those who are “in the Lord” – 1 Cor 7:39).  Beyond that, it is important to consider the wisdom of the situation.  Is she someone you can love and care for through the years, and do you believe she will trust you to lead her (Eph 5:33)?

There is no hard and fast rule for who is the right person to marry.  It isn’t too late to pray and ask for wisdom (Jas 1:5).  Since you are already receiving marriage counseling, this may be a question to privately pose to the counselor.  There is obviously more specific details that have been consciously or subconsciously bothering you.  She may be a wonderful match, but it is important that you know where you stand before you make a lifetime commitment (Rom 7:2).

Is it true that when Jesus comes back and we go with Him, we will no longer be married to our spouses?  I just found the love of my life.  I believe Jesus is coming soon; can you help with this question?

Sincerely,
In Love

Dear In Love,

We won’t be married in heaven, but we will be closer to our loved ones than we can even imagine.  Jesus says in Matt 22:30 that there will be no marriage in heaven.  However, in heaven, there will be no sorrow, no death, no sin, and no pain (Rev 21:3-4).  Heaven will be full of the most healthy and fulfilling relationships that mankind is capable of having.  Just make sure you and your spouse both put God first, so you can see each other there!

Is it wrong for a black and white to be in love?

Sincerely,
Gray Matters

Dear Gray Matters,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial marriage.  First of all, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve (Gen 3:20), and, therefore, race is a moot point.  Secondly, in Christ, such things as race have no significance (Gal 3:27-28).  The only concern you should have when falling in love and marrying is whether or not they are “in the Lord”, i.e. a christian (1 Cor 7:39).

My friend’s husband is a pastor who fell in love with his secretary.  He divorced his wife of 30+ years with which he had two grown children.  The pastor of that church (location omitted – AYP) asked for the secretary’s hand in marriage.  They are divorced now; his ex-wife is monetarily depressed and depressed.  She tries to help her firstborn (he has an unsteady job and is thirty-seven years old), yet she is becoming homeless.  Is there a scripture that shows where her ex-husband shouldn’t be preaching?

Sincerely,
Friend Of The Forlorn

Dear Friend Of The Forlorn,

Those whose lives are in direct contradiction to Scripture should not preach.  Lk 6:43-45 says that we can know the difference between good and bad preachers by the fruits that their lives bear.  It is a horrible reality that the religious world is full of people who preach one thing and then live another.  Paul specifically told Timothy (a young preacher) that how he lived was a big part of preaching (1 Tim 4:12).  With all of the bad press that the Bible has received because of adulterous preachers, church scandals, etc., God’s Word has been mistreated and abused for unhealthy gain (1 Tim 6:5).  Unfortunately, with all the immorality in religion, many people have forgotten that it shouldn’t be this way.