What are the differences in modern day and Christian views of marriage/relationships?

Sincerely,
Compare And Contrast

Dear Compare And Contrast,

There are a couple of big differences between the Scriptural view of marriage and the way modern culture views it.  The Bible says that marriage is more than just a tradition from previous generations; marriage was instituted and created by God at the very beginning (Gen 2:24).   God also teaches that living together and sexual relations are only for marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).  All sexual relations outside of marriage are sinful.  Another major difference is that the Bible teaches that marriage is only designed between one man and one woman.  Homosexual “marriage” isn’t marriage at all (Rom 1:26-27).  God designed marriage to be a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman, and He never intended for divorce; even in a sinful world, God only permits Christians to divorce in very few narrow circumstances (Matt 19:9, 1 Cor 7:15).

God designed marriage to be a blessing (Pr 18:22), and when we take a biblical attitude toward marriage, it can be one of the greatest things this side of heaven.

    My husband has become more and more abusive to me this past year; the climax was this last Saturday when he attacked me and grabbed me by the windpipe.  I left and am staying with my parents while he is starting counseling.  What verses could you give me to help me through this time? I feel very lost and do not understand why God would let me go through this.  I know He took care of me (I am safe and unharmed), but I don’t know where to turn to deal with this.

Thanks for everything you guys do.

Sincerely,
Rattled Wife

Dear Rattled Wife,

We are so glad you are safe, and we are so very happy to hear that your husband is seeking counseling.  It sounds like you are moving in a positive direction out of a very dark place.  Whenever we are trying to understand why bad things happen, we have to remember that God built this world to be good.  We were the ones that shattered the utopia of Eden.  The Garden of Eden was perfect… Adam and Eve changed everything when they sinned (Gen 3:6-8).  Bad things happen because of their sin and all the sins that have followed.  Everyone is affected by sin – the sins we commit and the sins others commit.  God doesn’t want things to be like this forever.  That is exactly why He sent His own Son to die, so we could have hope of heaven where every tear will be wiped away, and there will be no more death or suffering (Rev 21:4).

As far as specific verses to give you comfort during this time, probably one of the most often read Psalms for comfort during troubles is the 23^rd Psalm.  Another verse to find encouragement is Rom 8:28 which teaches that all things work together for good when we serve God.  Another is 1 Cor 10:13 which says that God won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able.  Another comforting passage is Jer 29:11.  Jeremiah spoke these words to a nation that was in a very dark time and reminded Israel that when they served God, He had wonderful plans for their future.  If you place your trust in the Lord, He has wonderful plans for you, too.

     Why is it beneficial to not have sex before your wedding?

Sincerely,
Why Knot?

Dear Why Knot,

It is always beneficial to do what God says and to avoid sin because sin leads to spiritual death and immense problems in this life (Rom 6:23).  Sex before marriage is a sin.  From the very beginning, God designed marriage as the realm for sexual relations (Gen 2:24).  1 Cor 7:1-2 states that any relations outside of marriage are fornication.  God tells us to flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Even though sexual immorality is rampant in our culture and accepted by our society, that doesn’t make it right.  Christians are called to honor God and honor marriage by leaving the marriage bed pure and undefiled (Heb 13:4).

     Is not having enough money a “good” reason to postpone marriage?  I (we) are poor college students but are emotionally and spiritually ready for marriage… just not financially.  Bad reasoning?

Sincerely,
Ready, But No Money

Dear Ready, But No Money,

There is no clear answer on something like this because each circumstance is different, but there are two Bible principles you want to keep in mind when deciding when to marry.

The first principle is that God tells us to plan ahead in all that we do.  In Lk 14:28-32, Jesus explains that a man who doesn’t plan before building a tower or a king who doesn’t plan before going to war is a fool.  As you know, marriage is a huge commitment, and there are a lot of important things to be prepared for when considering marriage.  Finances are only one part of the picture, but they are something to factor in.  So, thinking about the financial aspects of marriage makes you wise.

The second principle is found in 1 Cor 7:9.  That verse explains that it is possible for a couple to wait too long before marriage, and it can lead to all sorts of problems… not the least of which is sinful pre-marital conduct.  A couple that burns for one another isn’t weak; 1 Cor 7:9 explains that it is a natural and normal aspect of how God made men and women, but it is also something to consider when postponing marriage for too long.  Some couples, in the desire to wait for the “perfect time” to get married – simply wait too long.  Better to be poor and married than financially stable with regrets and unhappiness.

As we said, the answer isn’t simple.  Finances should be considered, but waiting for riches isn’t right either.  You have to use wisdom to balance these two principles and decide as a couple whether or not the time is right.

     Is divorce ever “okay”?  If so, when?  When there has been unfaithfulness, abuse, neglect?

Sincerely,
Curious About Causes

Dear Curious About Causes,

Divorce always involves sin.  God is never okay with divorce, but He does allow it in certain circumstances.  In Mal 2:16, God says that He hates divorce and compares divorce to an act of violence and bloodshed.  In every divorce, you will see that one or both parties have committed sin.

In Matt. 19:9, Jesus says that divorce is wrong between two believers unless fornication has been committed.  ‘Fornication’ means ‘sexual immorality’.  Adultery is an allowed reason for divorce.

The other reason is found in 1 Cor 7:12-15.  In those verses, the apostle Paul explains that a Christian that is married to an unbeliever can accept a divorce if the unbeliever wishes to break up the marriage.  This doesn’t mean that the Christian can instigate a divorce from an unbeliever, but they aren’t sinning by accepting the divorce.

Those are the two circumstances when God says that divorce is allowed.  In other situations, separation would be allowed, but not divorce.

My husband stopped going to church with me; I am trying to be a “submissive wife” and do as God commands us. My question is: am I to stop going to church because my husband stopped? And if I go without him, am I being disobedient in God’s sight? Please help me. As of right now (three weeks), I have not been to church, and it is crushing my heart!!! I want to serve God and do His will, but all I have to go on is the women in my church telling me that I must stop coming until my husband starts again, and if he doesn’t return, I shouldn’t either and that I can praise at home. Well, I do that, but I just want to make sure that this is the correct information about this subject. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Homebound

Dear Homebound,

Col 3:18 says that wives are supposed to be in subjection to their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord”, and not going to church definitely isn’t fitting (Heb 10:24-25). Jesus’ authority supersedes all other authorities in the world, including your husband’s (Eph 1:20-22). You are right to try and be submissive but not at the cost of your spiritual health. In the end, you will stand before God all by yourself (Php 2:12). It is wrong to stop attending the church’s meetings, and it is wrong for your husband to tell you not to go. Now is the time to stand your ground and choose godly behavior.