I have been talking to this guy for about seven months now.  We live in different cities.  I have fallen in love with him, and he has with me, too.  Here is the problem: he is married, but the two have never lived in the same house, shared debts, supported each other, and her family has him followed and is always putting him down.  Yes, they have had relations, and he wants a divorce but doesn’t believe he has biblical grounds to do so.  Does he have grounds to divorce her and marry me (which is what he wants to do in his heart, but he is afraid that if we do, then we are committing adultery, but he already has done that in his heart and isn’t sorry that he has fallen in love with me)?  I need help fast.

Sincerely,
Not His Wife

Dear Not His Wife,

He has absolutely no grounds to divorce her, and any level of romantic relationship that you two share is sinful and dangerous.  Regardless of the state of his marriage… he is married.  The fact that he has been rationalizing an extramarital affair for the last seven months hasn’t made it right.  It is important to realize that following your heart isn’t the same as doing the right thing (Pr 12:15).  In fact, doing the right thing is often a matter of doing the exact opposite of what we want to do (Matt 16:24).

If you choose to willfully sin, your soul is in eternal peril (Heb 10:26).  The best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to cut this relationship off.  There are many wonderful men in this world that you may pursue that won’t send you to hell.

(This post is a follow-up to “Lust Of The Eyes”)

My husband looks at other women and has even done so on the internet.  He says all men do it and that they even lust, but we both know lusting is wrong.  Can you please tell me from the standpoint of a godly man… have you lusted?

Sincerely,
Jealous Wife

Dear Jealous Wife,

All human beings struggle with lust, but the operative word is struggle.  Your husband is using the fact that all people sin as an excuse to continue sinning.  Lusting after women that you aren’t married to is adultery in your heart (Matt 5:27-28).  Your husband needs to make a heartfelt decision to repent of this sin (Acts 3:19).  The word ‘repent’ means to ‘change your mind’.  He is currently embracing this sin by looking at women on the internet; he needs to start struggling with this dark temptation.

Is pornography bad?  Why is it so popular?  Is it wrong to watch if you’re married?  Where can I find a verse on this matter in the Bible?

Sincerely,
See No Evil

Dear See No Evil,

Pornography is sinful, and it is popular because it is sinful.  Pornography is based upon lusting after people you aren’t married to (Matt 5:27-28).  Pornography is a lie that substitutes sexual fantasies for genuine marital love.  Pornography is wrong inside a marriage because it corrupts the marriage, and it is wrong outside of a marriage because it destroys any chance of healthy relationships.

(This question is a follow up to “The Pastor Problem”)

We have other ministers (who are women), and his [the pastor] feelings about women seem to be not ones of love.  Our church voted to ordain these women before he came, but he has blocked this.

Sincerely,
Not Feeling The Love

Dear Not Feeling The Love,

Just one more nail in the coffin for this congregation.  The role of women in the church is a very sensitive issue, which is why it is so important to carefully study the Scriptures on the topic.  Our behavior should always be guided by what God says, not by our personal agendas or emotions.  After clearly lambasting this “pastor” in the previous posts, we find ourselves in the odd position of agreeing with him.  Women should not be ministers.  1 Tim 2:12 very clearly states that women should not be preachers or ministers.  1 Cor 14:34-35 further clarifies that public teaching in the church is not a role for women.  Regardless of how politically incorrect that stance may be… that is what the Bible says.  The congregation you are attending is sinning by having women ministers.  It is time for you to find a faithful church because this church isn’t one.  We would be happy to help you find a congregation in your area – simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will help track down a scripturally sound, Bible-following, God-fearing congregation near you.

Local churches must be incorporated to receive tax exempt status. They then must select officers to comply with the law.  My question is: can a woman be selected as an officer, specifically the office of treasurer and then engage in doing all of the tasks required of a treasurer to conduct the church business? Some say it’s fine – if she only fulfils the responsibilities delegated to her by the trustees, in this case all men.  Others say no, it’s a position of authority, and unscriptural, as men are to hold those offices.  I’d like a Bible answer, book(s), chapter(s), and verse(s), as this question is effecting the work of a new congregation that I am a part of.

Sincerely,
Officer Ignorant

Dear Officer Ignorant,

Everyone agrees that women can be servants in the church – the question isn’t whether women can serve; it is how they can serve.  Phoebe was a servant of the church (Rom 16:1) and was praised for her service.  Priscilla was also commended for her labor on behalf of the church (Rom 16:3).  The Bible clearly shows women working in the church and in a very positive way.

To answer your question, we need to look at what positions women are forbidden from taking in the church and what the leadership structure of the church looks like.  Let’s take a look at the leadership structure of a congregation first.

The early church was led by the apostles.  In the very beginnings of the church, the apostles were in charge of all the teaching (Acts 2:42) and daily affairs of the church (Acts 4:34-37).  Eventually, the work became so immense that the apostles began to delegate some of the responsibility to qualified men (Acts 6:1-4 shows the apostles appointing men to have authority over the daily distribution of bread to christian widows).  The system of the apostles being in charge and delegating some of their authority to others would eventually no longer work because the apostles were only twelve men.  How would the church function once they were gone?

The answer is ‘elders’.  The apostles eventually began to appoint elders in every congregation and then commended those elderships to lead in a godly way (Acts 14:23).  Not just anyone could become an elder – 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 give the qualifications for elders.  One of those qualifications is that an elder must be a man.  Elders have ultimate oversight of a congregation.  Elders are in charge of everything that occurs within a local church (Heb 13:17).  However, just like the apostles before them, elders have a right to appoint deacons to help handle various tasks.  The elders are ultimately in charge, but deacons are given a certain level of authority over others as the elders see fit (1 Tim 3:13).  Deacons also are required to be men (1 Tim 3:12).  Elders and deacons are always men and they are the only ones allowed to have authority over others within a local congregation.

As we mentioned before, women are seen serving in many capacities in the church, but they are never seen in positions of authority.  Women are forbidden from having authority over men in the church… they are also forbidden from publicly teaching men (1 Tim 2:12).  Women cannot be preachers or have positions within the church that allow them to have dominion (the word ‘dominion’ means ‘act on their own authority over’).  Women are encouraged to teach other women (Tit 2:3-5) but to take a less authoritative role than men within the church and family.

This is a very long answer to your question, but your question needed a lengthy answer.  If the role of treasurer is a position where this woman will be making decisions and governing men within the church, then she cannot be the treasurer.  However, if the treasurer doesn’t make any decisions that are usurping the authority of the men of the congregation, she can serve.  Once again, women can (and should) be servants in the church as long as:

1. They aren’t publicly preaching and teaching to men.
2. They aren’t in positions of dominion above men.

Paul explains the reason for this structure in 1 Tim 2:13.  Adam was created first, and Eve was created as his helper.   In both the family (Col 3:18-19) and the church (1 Cor 14:34), this principle is carried out.  Eve was no less valuable than Adam, but she was designed for a different role.

I would like to thank you for this service.  Please be patient while I ask three questions.

When Paul encourages those “yoke fellows” in Philippians 4:3 to “help those women which labored with me in the gospel”, how were the women laboring with Paul?  I have read Wesleyan and Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentaries, and both allude to the women mentioned as “laborers”… but in a limited scope based on 1 Tim 2:11-12.  JF-Brown states that they were limited and alluded to them being in a less prominent sphere; which brings me to my next question:

Is there Scriptural support for women being in a prominent sphere in ministry (i.e. teaching, preaching, apostleship, etc.)?

My last question is: does 1 Tim 2:12 refer to women in a ministerial role at a church?  I anxiously await your reply.

Sincerely,
What About The Ladies?

Dear What About The Ladies,

The church is full of women that are faithful, zealous, and needed servants.  Paul mentions women ministering to others’ needs in Php 4:3, Rom 16:1, and Rom 16:3 – just to name a few.  We have the example of Lydia being a servant to the church (Acts 16:14).  We also have the example of Priscilla teaching and converting (Acts 18:24-26).  We don’t know exactly what the women of Php. 4:2-3 were doing to help Paul, but we know they were working hard.  They are many ways to help the cause of Christ, and it never specifies what specific things Euodia and Syntyche were doing to help the church.

Having said that, we do know what they weren’t doing.  Paul specifically mentions that women are to keep silent in the church assembly (1 Cor 14:34-35).  Women are not supposed to serve as public teachers in the worship service because men have the responsibility to lead the church in public teaching.  Elders (Tit 1:5-6), deacons (1 Tim 3:12), and preachers (2 Tim 2:2) are all required to be men.  1 Tim 2:12 specifically prohibits christian women from teaching christian men in a congregational forum.