Hello.  First off, I’m seventeen and was raised Episcopal.  Just until recently, about eight months ago, I lost my faith.  I began challenging the Lord and His true existence.  I experimented in other religions.  I am ashamed to say that in my teenage angst and anger, I looked into Satanism and Nihilism.  I am ashamed to say that I have denied my belief in the Lord and Jesus Christ to many people who have asked me if I hold faith.  I have sinned greatly in various ways.

Now, as I am preparing to move out, possibly join the military, and become more independent – I wish for the Lord to enter my life once again.  The problem is that I feel that I am not worthy, and the Lord has already damned me to hell.  I have never cursed the Holy Spirit, but I still think that if the Lord were smart enough, He would have abandoned me already.  So my question is: am I far from salvation and redemption?  Is there ever a way that I can have God back on my side and His love in my heart?  I want Him to hear my prayers and hear my praises.

Sincerely,
Seeking His Love

Dear Seeking His Love,

God doesn’t desire anyone to perish in hell.  Jesus came to die for the sins of the whole world (Jhn 3:16).  God specifically says that if someone returns from their wicked ways, He will forgive them (Ezek 18:21-23).  We return to God through faith in His Son and repentance of our old lives (Acts 20:21).  Take the enthusiasm that you regret spending on Satanism, Nihilism, etc. and apply it to following every word of the Bible (Rom 10:17).  Christianity is about more than just calling upon the Lord (Matt 7:21-23); it is about letting His Word guide our lives.  If you are a part of a congregation that is devoted to Bible loyalty (1 Tim 3:15 – not all congregations are faithful to the Bible; we would be happy to help you find a church in your area), and you have done what the Bible says you must do to be saved (read “What Must I Do To Be Saved” for specifics on that subject), then you will be able to comfortably say that God hears your prayers, and your sins are forgiven.

I have a question.  It seems I have been given some dreams that seem to be too real for dreams, life-like.  In one of them, I am facing demonic activity to the point of them wanting to possess me.  I am a man of faith and even fight back in this sleep state.  I start to pray really hard in tongues even in these so-called dreams.  I do fight them off, but they seem to be persistent.  Personally, I do fight them off from the Scripture and also by praying in tongues.  This seems so weird to be doing this while I am so-called “dreaming” these things.  I just want to know if others have had this type of experience.  I have had other visions of certain areas of hell also.  If what I have seen is real, my hardest reality in dealing with this vision is that I cannot do anything to help these souls I have seen in torment, a torment like I know I would not want anyone to face.

I thought about asking my pastor about this, but I hate to say this, I am afraid of being classified as being a little mentally unstable.  I know as a Holy Ghost-filled Apostolic CHRISTIAN, I should know better.

Sincerely,
Labeled As ‘Mentally Unstable’

Dear Labeled As ‘Mentally Unstable’,

The days of dreams and visions have passed.  In the past, God spoke to various people through dreams, visions, and prophecy, but today, He speaks to us through His Son, Jesus Christ (Heb 1:1-2).  Now that we have the complete and perfect Bible – there is no need for God to give people individual dreams or visions (1 Cor 13:9-10).  It is through the Word of God that we learn how to live faithfully (Rom 10:17).  So don’t worry about your dreams, as vivid as they are; they aren’t a message from God.  Feel free to read “I Dreamed A Dream” and “Three Cheers For Miracles” for an in-depth look at what the New Testament says about speaking in tongues, dreams, and prophecy.

If you marry at a young age without knowing the consequences of divorce, are you still held accountable if a divorce were to happen?

Sincerely,
Youthful Impulse

Dear Youthful Impulse,

Yes.  There are many choices that we make in life that we don’t fully comprehend, but that doesn’t remove the consequences of those choices.  If you are driving down the highway and fail to note the speed limit… ignorance won’t stop the police officer from giving you a ticket.  When mankind makes choices in ignorance, those choices still affect us (1 Pet 1:14).  A marriage is a marriage – there are no exceptions.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five and a half years.  Since graduating college, we have been working and getting ready to apply to graduate school.  We plan to get married but agree that the right time may not be for another four years.  Is it possible to have a secret Christian marriage now and a “real” wedding for family and friends when we are financially prepared?  Saving sex for marriage is very important to us, even though we are (and have been for some time) sexually ready.  Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,
Bride-To-Be

Dear Bride-To-Be,

Secrecy is never a good idea… but especially when that secret will affect your marriage, your family, your reputation, tempt you to sin, and degrade your influence as christians – a secret marriage would do all of those things.  Have you considered:

1. There is really no Biblical precedent for being “married before God” and not married before the law and family.  Christians are supposed to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-3).
2. You would be putting yourselves in a position where you look like you are living together (or sleeping together) without being married.  This means that you are sending the wrong message to mankind.  Christians are supposed to shine as lights in the world (Matt 5:16) and live a “good manner of life in Christ” that they may put to shame those who revile the name of Christ (1 Pet 3:16).
3. You are setting yourselves up to be deceptive.  When you file for taxes, are you going to say you aren’t married?  If great aunt Elma asks when you were married… what will you say?  There are lots of problems with this arrangement.
4. What will you tell your children down the road?  Will you lie to them about when you were married?  Will you tell them the whole story, and would you feel comfortable with them doing the same when they get to that stage of life?

All of these are potential pitfalls to a secret marriage arrangement.  The truth sets us free (Jhn 8:32), and deception ensnares us.  However, we would offer you an alternative.  God specifically teaches that it is better to marry than to burn (1 Cor 7:9).  There is nothing dishonorable with marrying when you are poor.  Keep the ceremony simple and small, be honest about your financial situation, and make it clear that you would rather be poor and married than wait to begin your life together.  It is obvious that you are committed to each other (five and a half years!), so there isn’t an issue of this being a snap decision.  After all, you can always have a lavish renewal of vows ceremony at your five-year anniversary.

(This question is a follow-up to “Dangerous Minds”)

A while back, I wrote to you and told you about a problem I was having repeating bad things against God in my head.  It went away for a while, and now it has gotten worse.  I got paranoid that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit, and I started to look up on the internet what it meant.  I became obsessed with it, and it seemed like I was on the computer everyday.  There were people on there that were saying good things and horrible things about it.  My problem is that I repeated those things in my mind, and the Bible says there is no forgiveness for that.  I did so much that now I am paranoid to even yawn because I am afraid that the words I am speaking in my head will come out of my mouth.  I have never said any of these things out loud or whispered them or anything like that.  I am worried because a couple of times I did have my mouth open, like while I was yawning or something, and in my head, I said the words.  I have asked God over and over for forgiveness, and I talked to other christians about this, including a couple of pastors, and they have all told me that I have not committed this, and I am forgiven because I asked God to.  My problem is I can’t feel forgiven within myself.  I do not believe the things I said in my head, and I don’t want God to send me to hell.  Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Paranoid

Dear Paranoid,

The problem isn’t with whether or not you can be forgiven – the problem is that you don’t feel forgiven.  The two issues are very different.  You already agreed that many people have told you that what you have been doing isn’t the sin against the Holy Spirit (read “The Unpardonable Sin” to see what the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit really is).  There are times when our head and our heart aren’t on the same page.  Guilt can drive someone crazy if they don’t learn to keep things in proper perspective.  God says that your heart can be wrong.  You feel that you can’t be forgiven, but the Bible says you can.  It is very similar to the problem that the apostle Paul faced.  Paul had murdered christians and felt that he was the worst of the worst, but he learned that Jesus would forgive him (1 Tim 1:15-16).

The apostle John said it best, “By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before Him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything.” (1 Jhn 3:19-20).  Your act of faith is going to be letting go of your fears and trusting that living by God’s Word is what matters (Rom 10:17).  Sometimes, our feelings can be fickle and wrong, and we’ve got to ignore them until time and life change them.

If you take the vows of marriage, and one of the couple takes the vows with deceitful intention… are you married in the eyes of God?

Sincerely,
My Word Is My Bond

Dear My Word Is My Bond,

Unfortunately for the sincere-hearted partner, yes they are.  A vow is a vow.  God consistently emphasizes within the Scripture that we should stand by our word (Matt 5:37).  Marriage is a sacred bond that isn’t meant to be quickly loosed (Mk 10:9).  Solomon warns that breaking a vow is a truly heinous thing (Eccl 5:5).  Regardless of the intent behind the marriage (many people get married for the wrong reasons all the time), a vow is a vow.

How a godly person behaves toward their unbelieving or unkind spouse will be noted by God, and it can make a difference (1 Cor 7:12-14).  How you behave as a spouse (regardless of the behavior of your partner) will store up treasures in heaven and impact lives here on earth (1 Pet 2:18-19).