My mother is very religious, and she and her husband (not my father) claim to live their lives according to the Bible, which is wonderful.  However, I have a couple of questions regarding her faith.  I am forty-eight-years-old, and my father just died last year (my parents have been divorced since I was around ten years old).  Two days before my father died, he told me that he was not my biological father.  I had no idea and was in absolute shock.  Because of the trauma of losing my father, I was not able to focus on what he had told me and not able to ask him questions.  When I asked my mother, after my father died, to tell me who my biological father was, she told me that it was not necessary that I know… THAT IT DIDN’T MATTER… and that she came to this decision by praying to God.  I can’t believe that God would want me to suffer the way I am.  All I want is to know who it is… I don’t want a father, and I don’t want to disrupt anyone else’s life.  I am having trouble believing that God really operates this way.  I am a nice person, and I believe in God, but I can’t believe that He would want me to suffer like this.  My mother is Baptist.  Please let me know if you believe my mother is justified in her faith or if she is just hiding behind it.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Who To Trust?

Dear Who To Trust,

The issues involved with finding birthparents are very emotional and sometimes painful… as you are now experiencing.  We will not even pretend to handle all of the counseling issues involved with what you are dealing with; we will simply focus on answering your doctrinal question.

Whatever your mother’s intentions are (and we are sure they are sincere), praying about something doesn’t mean that you are guaranteed to make the right decision.  Whether or not your parents would talk to you about your birthfather is an issue of wisdom, not doctrine.  If your mother believes that God spoke to her directly – she is wrong.  God doesn’t speak through visions and prophecy anymore (read “I Dreamed A Dream” for further details).

Just because your mother prayed for wisdom doesn’t mean that she did what was wise.  People make mistakes all the time, and this may, or may not, be an example of bad judgment.

In your opinion, is there a right denomination?  I have attended several different types of churches: Baptist, Church of Christ, Non-Denominational.  I’ve talked to Jehovah Witnesses and listened to Catholics on TV.  They all teach something different, but I am not looking for a place that offers their own thoughts.  I just want to know what God wants me to know.  I have been so confused by all these different teachings; I am unsure of what to believe.  Now, I like ya’ll; so far you are the only ones that haven’t completely confused me or contradicted the Bible.  How can I find a church like how you teach?  I want to go to church so bad, but after I attend for a little while, I notice some churches will start to say things completely different from what my Bible teaches.  And I am left wondering what to believe anymore.  Any help?

Sincerely,
An Honest Soul

Dear An Honest Soul,

The denominational world is confusing… exactly the opposite of God’s church (1 Cor 14:33).  The term ‘denomination’ comes from the idea that a church believes that it is a subgroup of a larger religious body.  Lutherans worship and teach differently than Episcopalians, Catholics, Presbyterians, etc., but they all believe themselves to be christians – this is wrong.  Jesus said that there is only one path to heaven (Matt 7:14).  Denominationalism teaches that how you act and worship are matters of opinion, but Jesus said that how you act and worship are matters of truth (Jhn 4:24).  The only way to avoid denominationalism is to find a congregation that simply teaches what the Bible says – no creeds, no opinions, no personal agendas.  If we truly love Christ, we will follow His commandments (1 Jn 5:2).

Everything a church does (worship, membership, how they teach to be saved, how they spend their money, even their name) needs to have Bible verses backing them up (1 Tim 3:15).  A church needs to be able to explain the reasons for why they do what they do (1 Pet 3:15).

Our congregation here in Monroe goes by the name ‘Monroe Valley church of Christ’ because ‘church of Christ’ is a Biblical name for a congregation (Rom 16:16).  We worship by singing (Col 3:16), studying the Bible (1 Tim 4:13), praying (2 Thess 3:1), taking communion (only on Sundays – Acts 20:7), and taking up a collection (also only on Sundays – 1 Cor 16:1-2).  We teach that you must hear God’s Word (Rom 10:17), believe God’s Word (Jhn 3:16), repent of your sins (Mk 6:12), confess Jesus as your Savior (Lk 12:8), and be baptized to be saved (Acts 2:38, 1 Pet 3:21).  We do all these things because they are practices found in the Bible.  As you said, you don’t want to go to a church that offers their own thoughts – you want God’s thoughts.

There are other congregations like ours scattered across the country and the world.  Most of them use the name ‘church of Christ’, but then again, many churches that use that name aren’t faithful.  A Bible name for a church isn’t enough to make it faithful.  We have helped others, like yourself, looking for New Testament Christianity find faithful congregations in their area by contacting other preachers and christians that we know.  We’d be happy to do the same for you.  If you feel comfortable, just let us know what general area you live in, and we will try and get you in touch with a congregation that lives like your Bible reads (our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org).  It is frustrating, confusing, and exasperating to deal with denominationalism.  Thanks be to God that there is a better option!

I have a friend that is a new Baptist member, and I visited her church, and there was a woman that had asked to become a member of their church; they then proceeded to vote on it.  Where do they get the authority to do so?  Can a church deny membership to one wanting to be a member?

Sincerely,
Taking A Tally

Dear Taking A Tally,

Baptists get the authority to vote on people becoming members from page 17 and 18 of the Baptist Church Manual… which is interestingly enough not the Bible.  You can read a copy of the text here (scroll down to the section titled “How Members Are Received”).  This practice is unscriptural and has no basis in Bible authority.

The Bible teaches that we are added to the church when we are baptized for salvation (Acts 2:37-41).  People join a local church once they become christians and unite themselves to that local group of saints.  If a christian moves to another part of the country, they simply explain their situation, or they are commended to the new brethren by others who know them (Rom 16:1-2).  Either way, the Bible system never comes close to resembling a vote.  Read carefully the Baptist Manual link… their process of membership (which very few Baptists realize) consists of:

1. Confess that you are saved.
2. Be voted on.  (The vote determines whether they believe you are saved, whether or not you have the right to be baptized, and whether or not you will be allowed to be a member).
3. Receive a Baptist baptism.

The Bible way is so much simpler: believe (Jhn 3:16), repent (Acts 17:30), confess (Matt 10:32), and be baptized (Mk 16:16, 1 Pet 3:21).

My wife is a member of a Baptist church.  I have never been a member at any church.  I hardly ever went, and if I did it was a different church every so often.  Her father is the pastor there.  I asked her the other day if maybe we could visit a different church and listen to some different preaching other than her father’s sometime.  I only asked if we could do this like once every three months or so.  She bluntly said, “NO!”  I asked why, and she said, “I’m a member of my church, and I won’t go anywhere else.”  I have to admit, this made me sort of upset.  What’s the Bible’s take on this????

Sincerely,
The Un-Baptist Son-In-Law

Dear The Un-Baptist Son-In-Law,

The Bible says that you must work out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Php 2:12).  Regardless of your wife’s choices, you must make it a point to seek out and find the truth.  Not all churches are equal.  As we have said to people in other posts, denominationalism is wrong.  Baptist churches make Baptists, Lutheran churches make Lutherans, Catholic churches make Catholics, etc.  You want to find a church that teaches the Bible, not manmade doctrines.  There were no Baptists, Lutherans, Episcopalians, etc. in Christ’s day… and that should stand as a warning to us about the dangers of adding things that Christ never intended.  We shouldn’t add to God’s law nor subtract from it (Rev 22:18-19).  We recommend you read “All For One” for more information about the blight of denominationalism.

You are right to want to look around and search for the truth (Lk 11:9).  It is important that we worship God in a way that is both zealous and obedient to the truth (Jhn 4:24).  Visit around, ask questions, and test the preaching of various congregations (1 Jn 4:1).  Make it your goal to find the truth… not simply a congregation that is enjoyable to visit.  Feel free to read “Finding A Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to help arm yourself to ask the right questions and find a faithful congregation in your area.

I belong to a Baptist church.  The pastor calls himself a “shepherd”… but don’t care about his sheep.  He tells every one to hug everyone’s neck but don’t do that himself.  He do not shake anyone’s hand.  Don’t even know the names of people and don’t care.  It is not a big church, only three hundred members.  It is a fully-paid church with a capacity of 750.  Now he wants to buy a larger facility and wants every one to pay extra for it and told the congregation that those who do not wish to support him should leave the church!  He fired the associate pastor because he did not agree to his idea.  His wife is the music minister, and he gets a fabulous salary between the two.  He also sells his personal CD’s and his wife’s music CD’s to make extra money.  We were paying for his luxurious house with swimming pool.  In this economy, people are struggling to make both ends meet.  There are people in our church who lost their homes to foreclosures and got their power cut off, but all he cares is for the people to contribute more money for his idea.  What can we do to get rid of this money and power-hungry preacher and his family, so that we will have a quiet place to worship?  We have contributed to this church heavily in the past but don’t think we should do it any more.

Sincerely,
Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Our advice is to take this money-grubbing false teacher’s advice – LEAVE.  All you can ever do is work out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Php 2:12).  We get buckets of questions from people asking for help because every church they find seems to only care about money… it’s horrid what people have done in the name of religion.  Unfortunately, there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl 1:9).  Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for the same greedy behavior (Lk 20:46-47).

In the end, you want to be a christian – not a Baptist, Methodist, Calvinist, Lutheran, etc.  Baptist churches only make Baptists, Methodist churches only make Methodists, and so on.  You need to find a church that belongs to Christ, not men.  This preacher has warped and twisted the Scriptures to make religion all about him… and not about God.  Such men have a very strict judgment awaiting them (Jas 3:1).  We would be happy to help you find a faithful church that will teach the Bible and leave all the manmade garbage out.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like help finding a peaceful, faithful, and godly church to attend in your area.

We have a pastor for the last three years that will not communicate with me.  In three years, he has not had a conversation that has lasted six minutes.  Outside of our normal deacon meetings, he simply ignores speaking to me unless I speak to him.  I have had several members over the course of a year and half ask me why our pastor is frowning, not friendly, and downright rude.  Beyond this, his hospital visitation is superb, and his sermons and preparation are very good.  But he appears to be fed up with people in general.  He has been a pastor for twenty-seven years and is now sixty-one-years-old.  He gives behind the scenes and conducts himself professionally.  What can I do to get this pastor acting like he wants to be here or at least get him to speak to his senior deacon?  He has done nothing biblically incorrect.  I am not wanting him to leave, just to improve our relationship and others’.  Thank you for your consideration in responding to this question.

Sincerely,
On The Outs

Dear On The Outs,

Have you considered that the problem is rooted in the fact that having only one pastor is outside of the Bible pattern?  Pastors (also known as elders and bishops – Tit 1:5-7, Php 1:1) are the overseers of the church and should never be left to serve by themselves.  The Bible never gives examples of lone pastors; there is always a plurality (Acts 14:23).  1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 give the qualities a man must have in order to serve as a pastor.  We recommend you read “Elders” to see more scriptures on the topic.

We often have people write into the site with problems similar to yours.  We have found that the common thread is that when a man serves as a pastor and has that kind of authority without the checks and balances of other pastors – inevitably, there are problems.  Sometimes he becomes power hungry, sometimes he becomes lazy, sometimes he simply becomes indifferent… no matter what, the root cause is the same.  We would recommend your church adopt the Bible pattern of multiple pastors to lead the flock.  The closer we adhere to the Bible’s model for the church, the fewer problems we have.