Is it okay to be mad at God when He doesn’t answer a prayer?  My whole family was praying I wouldn’t lose my job; then I did.  How could God let that happen when the Bible tells us to ask in Jesus’ name, and we will receive?

Sincerely,
Let Down

Dear Let Down,

It isn’t okay to be mad at God, but it is okay to be upset.  We would caution you in saying that God has turned a deaf ear to you.  God does answer prayers, but He also tells us that what we ask for won’t be granted if it isn’t within His will (Jas 4:15).  God knows what you are going through – and there is a reason.  When Joseph was thrown into prison, he ended up being the king’s right-hand man (Gen 39:20).  When Moses was exiled to the desert for forty years, he ended up being the savior of all Israel (Acts 7:29-30).  Even Jesus proves that suffering can lead to victory; His death on the cross led to the forgiveness of sins (Heb 12:2).

Life here on this planet is full of heartaches, and we here at AYP cannot imagine how hard this last year has been for you.  The last several years have been very difficult for many, many people.  Just don’t forget that adversity can lead to victory.  No battle is won without bloodshed, and no bridge is built without sweat.  God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28).

     I was married for twenty years, and we separated due to another female in church; I prayed that our marriage would not end and we would reconcile.  But that didn’t happen; we were divorced, and he remarried after two weeks.  Can you tell me why my prayers were not answered?  And why they committed adultery, lied, and even stole from the church but still think that what they did was not wrong? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Devastated

Dear Devastated,

God desires for all of us to purify our hearts and minds and turn from sin, but He also gives us the freedom to choose for ourselves.  God has multiple principles that He must keep in balance at all times.  God hears prayers, but He also allows people to decide for themselves whether or not to be righteous or wicked.  If God simply forced people to become better people, that would remove our freedom of choice.  After all, He tells us that we reap what we sow in this life (Gal 6:7).

We cannot imagine the amount of pain you have been through.  It isn’t that God doesn’t hear prayers; it is that your husband chose to do something sinful.  God doesn’t like it (Mal 2:16), but as we said, God still respects our freewill.  As for how these two people can believe that what they did was okay… sadly, when we choose to do wicked things, it can sear our conscience (1 Tim 4:2), and people rationalize all sorts of sinful behavior because they “feel” it is right.  Every man believes he is right in his own eyes, but in the end, the Lord makes a just judgment (Pr 21:2).

I have two children who are into meth.  I have been praying for them along with other family members.  I don’t understand why these prayers are not being answered.  Is there a certain way I need to pray or ask?  I’m new to this, and think I’m not asking in the right way.

I also feel like Satan is starting to attack my family and me for praying. Does this happen?  I have no peace, and I’m afraid to go to sleep because of nightmares… but those could be from all the stress I have in my life.

If you can suggest any books to help me become stronger in my faith and learn to pray, I would greatly appreciate it; I’m too embarrassed to ask. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Mom Who’s Trying

Dear Mom Who’s Trying,

God desires to answer our prayers, and He says that a righteous christian’s prayers do make a difference (Pr 15:29, Jas 5:16).  However, when we pray about things, it isn’t as simple as we just get what we are asking for because God has multiple principles that He must keep in balance at all times.

If God simply forced people to become better people because you prayed for them, that would remove our freedom of choice.  After all, He tells us that we reap what we sow in this life (Gal 6:7).  We make certain choices that get us addicted to sin… we must make choices (often painful – like disclosing the sin) to remove the addiction.  The fact that you are praying for your children is wonderful, but they are responsible for their own decisions, and God won’t force them to change if that isn’t what they want.

As far as books we would recommend, the best thing you can do is read your Bible – especially the Psalms – to get you through this time of grief.  The Psalms are songs and prayers written by faithful people who sometimes suffered greatly.  That is our number one recommendation to someone in your situation – read the Psalms.  Otherwise, if you need help finding a congregation, we would be happy to help you find one.

     Is it wrong to pray for someone who is dead?  I was told the Bible says it is wrong, and I don’t remember reading that.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Morbid Curiosity

Dear Morbid Curiosity,

1 Jn 5:16 is probably the verse you are thinking of, but that doesn’t really deal with dead people; it pertains to people who are purposefully turning their backs on the Lord.  We are told not to request that God forgive people who aren’t seeking to live faithfully.

Having said that, your question deals with people that are already dead, and that is an entirely different issue.  Heb 9:27 says that people die and then face the judgment.  There is no room for someone’s fate to be changed once they die.  If your goal through prayer is to make it so someone who already died can go to heaven instead of hell, that won’t work.

     Does God hear or answer an unsaved person’s prayer?   I am saved but have been wanting some Scripture to answer my question.

Sincerely,
Is He Listening?

Dear Is He Listening,

God recognizes the prayers of the faithful only. There is no doubt that God hears the prayers of christians (Jas 5:16). God hears the prayers of the righteous, but He is far from the wicked (Pr 15:29). God is constantly listening to hear the prayers of christians, but He sets His face against those who do evil. God says that even a christian who isn’t treating others well (specifically their spouse) will have their prayers hindered (1 Pet 3:7).

God does not answer the prayers of those who are ungodly. When Israel turned away from God, He stopped answering their prayers (Micah 3:4). When Judah became wicked and followed false teachings, He stopped hearing their prayers and accepting their worship (Isa 1:13-15). The same would hold true for those who fall away today. God will stop listening to and answering their prayers. It isn’t that He doesn’t hear them – He simply ignores their requests. Those outside of Christ are promised that if they seek God, they will find Him (Lk 11:9). All of mankind has the ability to ask for truth and find it, but only christians can ask God as a child asks a father (Mat 7:11). The ability to seek God’s help through prayer is a blessing given only to those who serve God (Jhn 9:31).

     Being in church, we (or at least I) have always been told I don’t deserve anything and that only God’s grace keeps me up every day.  I have been reminded of this several times and try to utilize it to make me humble.  I’ll try to be brief and as candid as possible but… how am I to pray if I am so undeserving?

Yes, I know Jesus reached out to sinners more than anyone else, but what do we sinners pray about?  Am I deserving enough to everyday pray for others’ help?  Is it vanity that makes me pray to better myself everyday?  Let’s say I have the blackest soul alive; what do I actually deserve to do?  What am I allowed to pray for?  Would working out and wearing makeup hurt God as vanity?  Would determination to do my very best at work and school (fully aware that I’m doing it to get a good job financially) hurt God as greed?  Would never cursing out loud once in my life and acting the caring person when I have had inner monologues of foul language and can’t seem to ever help judging every single person I meet and know every day hurt God as hypocrisy?

Basically, if I know I don’t deserve the life I live and shouldn’t deserve it, how can I live it?

Sincerely,
Unworthy

Dear Unworthy,

It is true that we have all sinned and don’t deserve to go to heaven (Rom 3:23), but what you are talking about is more than just being undeserving; you are saying that everyone is totally depraved, and even when we do good things, it is all just a sham.  The idea that we are all deeply and totally depraved and don’t have a single shred of goodness in us is not from the Bible; it is a teaching called ‘Calvinism’.  Calvinism teaches that you are born sinful and always are sinful and that nothing you can do is ever good enough – this is not true.  After all, God made us in His image… that is a good thing!  Sin is something that you do, not something that you are.  Sin does separate us from God, and Christ’s blood is a gift that gives us a chance to be reunited with the Father.  We could never earn what Christ has given us, but that doesn’t mean that in your heart of hearts, you are a bad person.  Christ specifically came to save those people that wished to be good but still made bad choices.  Paul dealt with this inner struggle that faithful people have as they fight the battle against the flesh in Rom 7:22-25.  People aren’t born inherently bad at the core – we choose to want evil or to want good.  Calvinism is wrong, and we recommend you read the article “Calvin And Sobs” for a complete breakdown of this false teaching that has befuddled quite a lot of good people.